Monday, December 26, 2011

I'm Sorry Maam, You Can't Return Speaker Gingrich...He Was Sold To You, "AS IS".

Merry Day After Christmas...to all of my family, friends, and both lovers and haters of this Blog. With the exception of "family"...we picked up a whole new crop of people in each of the other categories after the last posting.

I don't know why, but it always does trouble me when the largest group who decide to call, write, text, or drop an email...after I happen to say ANYTHING about the democratic party which doesn't include the phrase "walks on water"...are my own peeps, who just can't wait to call me a turncoat, or...my favorite reference during the Christmas season..."JUDAS"! (...though one enterprising victim of home-schooling did actually refer to me as "Judis". This confused me greatly, as I was unaware any of Rick Sanatarium's kids could write...and they're all presumably pre-registered with the Fascist Party.)

However...before moving on to the post-Christmas smoregasboard of political claptrap ranging from the obvious to, "Are you F'in kidding me,"...let's get one thing straight. Why is it not right for me to compare the impact of President Obama's lies to get elected, to George Bush and Dick Cheney's lies which killed a generation of 19 year olds here and around the world...BUT...when Matt Damon makes the same basic claims...AFTER I had begun to spout that line...HE gets an article in Elle Magazine, another appearance on Bill Maher...AND nowhere near the hate mail that I found in my Christmas Stocking?

Republican friends of mine have routinely pointed out to me for years...albeit incorrectly so, for the most part...that "these liberals who are supposed to be the most accepting people, are the first to show how un--accepting they are when anyone says anything bad about them". I have customarily defended those being attacked by this suggestion. Today however, while I continue to defend...I am compelled to choose a response (this time to my own expression of concern) from "Column B".

I am bothered, particularly by about a handful of emails which sounded a lot like either 1. Bush people justifying lies about war by suggesting that Bill Clinton lied about blowjobs, or 2. Death Penalty advocates wanting to know if I would feel different about the death penalty, "If YOUR daughter was raped and murdered". And...quite obviously, what bothers me most about those emails...is the fact that they clearly DID come from people who refer to themselves as "progressives".

In five years of on and off blogging, and close to three decades of political advocacy in one form or another, I have made no secret of my political transformation, ideologically, or that today I am a Wellstone Progressive who doesn't need a Party Label to remind me who I am. I've voted for good people of both parties and no party. I've worked for people, paid and unpaid, whose goals were to enhance the quality of life of all people in their respective nation, state, political subdivision, school district, or animal control area. I don't "hate" anyone for their politics, positions, or outlook on the universe.The only thing I do honestly and legitimately despise...is inconsistency.

You can't be a death penalty advocate and oppose abortion. You CAN...but you would simply be using your own brand of rationalization in order to determine the value of life. YOU value the unborn. YOU don't value the life of an ax murderer, OR...you falsely adhere to the Old Testament principle of "An Eye For An Eye," AND call yourself a "Christian"...despite the fact that when CHRIST appeared in your own New Testament, HE said that the "Old Law" was null and void...and that HE brought the New Law...which was that we are to love one another as HE loved us.

You can't be a NO NEW TAXES, GET THE GOVERNMENT OUT OF MY LIFE person...and want the U.S. to police the world and eliminate the EPA...while you also want to drug test unemployment beneficiaries and make gay marriage the determining factor in who you nominate for president. If you want this country to maintain 1000 military bases around the world and pay $700,000.00 a pop for tomahawk cruise missiles...YOU CAN'T CUT CORPORATE TAXES TO ZERO AND NOT TAX BILLIONAIRES AT A HIGHER RATE THAN THE GIRL TAKING YOUR ORDER AT MICKEY D'S! And...if you want the government out of YOUR LIFE, so that you can run YOUR company without regard to the environment...and you don't want to be responsible for some poor bastard's health care...YOU CAN'T BE THE PERSON WHO DETERMINES WHAT THE SAME POOR BASTARD DOES WITH HIS UNEMPLOYMENT BENEFIT...OR, WHO HE OR SHE FALLS IN LOVE WITH!

Consistency...

THIS...is the discussion I have had with literally hundreds of so called "hard core" people on both sides of the political aisle, which has caused them to realize that the hole "HARD CORE" thing...is a flat out freakin' lie.

VERY FEW people really are, "hard core" right...or left. If Ricky Sanatarium was a hard core right-winger...and as "Christian" as he thought he was...he would take his campaign to the gates of every prison where any criminal was about to be executed, and demand that LIFE IN ALL FORMS, BE PRESERVED.

I watched an episode of The Good Wife last night...where the lead character (a lawyer) lost a big case, because another lawyer went thru the Star's briefcase...while the Star was distracted by a family emergency. The other lawyer then removed a piece of critical evidence which he had not been able to get on his own, and used it against the Star...after the family emergency was over, in order to win the case. The second lawyer even went so far as to act as if his own concern for the Star's family emergency was paramount...AND, once screwing her over..suggested that she leave her current job and come to work at his firm.

I took two things from this episode which I had not anticipated would have anything to do with a tv show primarily about the hard core nature of the field of litigation.

1. These two lawyers, were the absolute BEST examples of the true political extremes of this nation. Each had a cause. Each was able to rationalize the legitimacy of their cause. Each was willing to go to extreme lengths to insure that their cause would be the one which the JUDGE...THE INDEPENDENT PERSON, SITTING IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD...would deem to have the greatest merit. And, when confronted with the fact that the "victorious" side...was "victorious"...only because of its' willingness to compromise ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING IT SAID IT STOOD FOR WHILE MAKING ITS' CASE...the lawyer/hard core advocate indicated, in essence...ya do what ya gotta do. And, if in the process, you shit on the other side...as well as your own made-up concept of what is good and evil...you still won, so who gives a shit?

2.  Those are the things virtually EVERY LAWYER has done, in order to "win".

I actually realized a third thing, as well.

3.  I couldn't be happier about not practicing law anymore.

So...back to Friday's Posting...with a PROMISE to get back to REAL IOWA POLITICS later this evening.

To my cadre of right-LEANING readers: Don't get as excited as you did over my open and notorious criticism of Obama. While I won't vote for him again...YOU STILL HAVE NO VIABLE CANDIDATE...meaning of course, that enough Independents will still see Obama as the lesser of two evils, to re-elect him...at the time of this Posting, anyway.

To my RABID left-LEANING readers who are convinced it was ME who ate the last piece of pizza, farted in the elevator and scratched the car while you were out of town: Please be the Progressives that you keep telling the world you really are. Please be consistent. And, when YOUR GUY shits the bed...don't find a way in which you can use a stolen piece of evidence to blame it on Dick Cheney. Just clean up YOUR MESS and move on.

To Matt Damon: Call me, Dude. Great minds do think alike.

There WILL be a second Posting tonight...and YOU WILL LIKE IT!

Friday, December 23, 2011

A Virtual Cornucopia of Holiday Politics!

WOW! December 23rd, 2011...

Did you ever believe that you would live to see the day when Ron Paul was so relevant to the discussion of who should be the next President of the United States...that the internationally famous and world renowned GLORIA BORGER would be compelled to grill the man about racist statements attributable to a publication that Paul owned...which were printed more than twenty years ago?

I'm guessing that Ms. Borger probably had the same access to those statements IN AUGUST as she has today.

...Wonder why no one, including Ms. Borger gave a darn about what the good Doc felt about carjacking...way back in August?

Okay, so I'm even more excited on December 23rd, about the fact that this blog was the first blog NOT OWNED BY RON PAUL...to project him as the winner in Iowa. In fact, and for the record, Paul was polling 4th in most cases when we called the Iowa race for him nearly a month ago.

Now...onward to bigger, better, more interesting...and many more items...crammed into what I hope doesn't turn out to be way too long of a posting.

GE...General Electric...is moving roughly 5000 jobs from Wisconsin to Beijing, PRC (China) in 2012. Now...let me get this straight. A company, with direct ties to the person that President Obama named as his JOB CZAR...and whose duties included CREATING JOBS IN THE USA...moves 5000 jobs FROM THE  USA...to The People's Republic of China?

Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Happy Kwanzaa, Happy New Year...and oh, by the way..."SCRATCH MY BIG FAT GE ASS, you Cheese Head-Wearing Bastards! (PS...This is an exact quote from Mr. Jeffrey Immelt, Chairman of the Board of General Electric.)

It's a little ironic, is it not, that back in 2008, when GE Capital was in the process of dragging GE The Parent, right into bankruptcy...that it was Mr. Immelt who, literally on his hands and knees, begged a then republican administration for federal BANK STATUS for GE Capital...and got it...only to later be appointed as the JOB CZAR in a democratic administration...and, also, OH BY THE WAY...announces a move to shit-can an entire small town full of cheeseheads, IN A YEAR WHEN GE SHOWED A PROFIT OF FIVE BILLION DOLLARS ($5,000,000,000.00)...AND PAID NO TAXES!

Call me crazy...but isn't THIS...EXACTLY what "the 99%" were bitching about?

The only thing that makes me even crazier about this kind of situation, is the fact that the only real news entities which were moving on this story, were those that wanted the public to look at it from the perspective of, "WOW...THIS GUY WAS APPOINTED BY OBAMA...HIS COMPANY PAID NO TAX ON $5B IN PROFIT...AND HE'S MOVING JOBS TO CHINA!"

The real story isn't that Immelt is a high powered democratic sympathizer who milked the system while moving jobs to China.

Immelt is NOT a high powered democratic sympathizer.

Immelt IS, a high powered CONNECTED person...CONNECTED TO BOTH PARTIES...WITH ACCESS to ANYBODY AND EVERYBODY....FROM EVERY PARTY...and, who, in part because of his corporate status as a member of the military-industrial complex...CAN GET WHATEVER THE HELL HE NEEDS, WANTS, CRAVES, or even has a random notion regarding...AT ANY TIME!

Yes...it is sad, that so few news organizations thought the story newsworthy. It is EQUALLY SAD that the only ones who DID find the story worth reporting...COLORED THE STORY WITH THEIR OWN CRAYONS, so as to make it appear as though the moving of these jobs was somehow the fault of "OBAMA AND THOSE DAMN LIBERAL DEMOCRATS!"

To Whom It May Concern:

JEFFREY IMMELT MAKES FAR MORE MONEY BUILDING JET ENGINES FOR FIGHTER PLANES AND CRUISE MISSILES...THAN HE DOES MAKING LIGHT BULBS.

Therefore...in being MAD at Jeffrey Immelt and General Electric, during this holiday season and beyond...BE MAD FOR THE RIGHT REASONS! Be madder than hell that ANY AMERICAN COMPANY, REGARDLESS OF WHO RUNS IT...moves FIVE JOBS, or even one job, to the People's Republic of China...BECAUSE THE JOBS ARE BEING MOVED! And, NOT...because the guy moving those jobs happens to be the Job Czar in a democratic administration. TRUST ME...if Insane McCain had selected an actual VP Candidate...and subsequently won the last election...Jeff Immelt would STILL be moving those same jobs to China...and had the full and complete cooperation of the Insane McCain Administration.

Part of the goal of these postings, at this time...was to help the TWO EXTREMES of our political spectrum understand that YOU ARE BOTH OUT OF YOUR MINDS.

Sorry to put it in such a sugar-coated capsule, BUT...remember, no one pulls at the end of the rope to bring people together. People pulling at the end of the rope are only trying to pull the other guys into the puddle of mud. And, for so long as a RIGHTEOUSLY OUTRAGEOUS SITUATION...which could EASILY inspire indignation FOR WHAT IT IS...is both ignored by most, and only highlighted by news operations who have NO INTEREST in BRINGING PEOPLE TOGETHER FOR A COMMON GOOD...we, as a people will be the ones actually pulling ourselves into the mud puddle.

Now...about Mitt Romney and his refusal to publish his tax returns...

C'MON, Mitt...We already know your real name is WILLARD. How much worse could it get?

Oh, that's right...you incessantly piss and moan about the top tax bracket being at 35%...WHEN IN FACT, the revenue YOU receive from Bain Capital...IS TAXED ONLY AT FIFTEEN PERCENT (15%)...OR LESS.

Oh...THAT'S RIGHT...YOU don't want THE INDEPENDENT CENTER OF THIS NATION THAT YOU WOULD NEED IN ORDER TO BE ELECTED PRESIDENT...to know that YOU ACTUALLY PAY LESS TAX ON $250,000,000.00...THAN THE GUY WHO MOWS YOUR LAWN!

Of course, I could remind Willard that when his daddy ran for president, HE released HIS tax returns. Both Bushes released their tax returns. And...when Steve Forbes ran for president, HE released HIS tax returns.

Of course...anybody with one live brain cell knows full well that one of the primary reasons why Donald Trump would NEVER SERIOUSLY CONSIDER running for president...is because HE WOULD NOT release HIS tax returns. Being a person who used to be invited to Trump's Christmas Parties annually, and was intimately acquainted with the bulk of The Donald's legal team...I can say with a certain degree of confidence, that a multitude of marriages, a bad rug, numerous corporate bankruptcies, and the fact he is generally despised even by those he writes checks to...are much farther down on the list of "reasons not to run for president"...than the issue of releasing one's tax returns.

AND...can you just HEAR the uproar which would come from Fox, Newsmax, Breitdouche, and Adam's Apple Coulter...if ANY democratic presidential candidate EVER, refused to release THEIR tax returns? Hell...this same collection of misfits went into apoplectic shock when Bill Clinton refused to release medical records which would only have revealed that he had a major hook to the left.

In a sense, I can't get too excited about Mitt, himself, not releasing tax returns...because Mitt...even with the endorsement of King George the First...is still likely not able to secure the far right, the religious right, the Ron Paul crowd...AND...if he WERE able to get enough of some combination of those groups...the only real result would be that a 3rd and maybe even 4th Party effort might throw the race into a centrifuge...with Willard being then the first substance to be cast off.  Like I said the other day, in one of my numerous promises to start talking about the REAL republican nominee...not yet in the race...Mitt can release tax returns...not release tax returns...admit that he once inhaled, confess to being a closet Coke (or Diet Coke) addict, or claim that he has golden tablets buried in his backyard next to the magic underwear he once soiled as a child. It just ain't gonna happen for ya, Will.

In other news...Gary Johnson dropped out of the republican race to seek the Libertarian nomination. Unfortunately for Gary...he did not get the memo which has already awarded that position to Ron Paul.  And, oh by the way...speaking just a little more of Ron Paul...As a candidate...you KNOW you are speaking the truth, when not only are the White House spin doctors coming after you...but your OWN Party "Leaders" are the ones going out and dredging up 20 year old stuff that you didn't write in the first place, and trying to feed it back to you through your A-NOOSE.

Ricky Sanatarium continues his rise in Iowa...AND, I am told...IN SOUTH CAROLINA. As you all know, I've actually sat down at the same table as Tricky Ricky and broken bread. And, I am compelled to tell you, DESPITE what you read in various medical journals to the contrary...ego-maniacal, psychopathic, borderline sociopathic narcissism, IS in FACT both airborne AND contagious. WHEW...man, am I lucky. If I had stayed FOR DESSERT...who knows WHERE and WHAT I might be today. For all I know I could be the kind of guy that would ABANDON MY DYING CHILD just so ALL THE WORLD KNEW, how F*#@ed UP me and my views on the universe really were...AND...that back at home, in the privacy of my own REALLY DARK CLOSET...all I can think about is...The Eiffel Tower...and man's desire to marry sheep.

In closing...A brief follow-up to a piece I posted earlier...It is WONDERFUL to see that President Obama finally found HIS BALLS...since of course we knew that Harry Reid's have been relocated to a jar on Speaker Boner's mantel. Here again, however...I am NOT PLEASED by the actions of the president. I am in fact SICKENED by them. All this goes to show is that "The Bully Pulpit" HAS ALWAYS BEEN THERE FOR HIM TO UTILIZE...and that his going THREE YEARS without taking up a position therein...makes it even more glaringly apparent than ever before that Barack Obama is nothing more than an empty suit who has gone along to get along...just like each and every of his predecessors. The man could have made the kind of change he preached about when he got my vote in 2008. Sadly, he was lying then...and in my humble opinion...is lying now. I did NOT support Hillary Clinton in 2008 when "my Democrat" dropped out of the race. And, I am not prepared to say that Mrs. Clinton would have done anything other than what Mr. Obama has done. The difference would have been...I would have ABSOLUTELY gotten EXACTLY what I expected. Bush lied...and people died. Obama lied...and at least some part of 53% of the entire population died, too. I'm not really sure at this point...which is worse.

I will try to post again over the weekend....Thanks to all who have written or called to say that you have missed the every day postings. I am truly sorry. A number of family related issues have caused this minor interruption in posting. I am hopeful that we will be back to every day in the very near future.

Have a GREAT HOLIDAY!

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

The Countdown to C-Day...Continues.

What an amazing week this been...and it isn't even half over yet.

Polls show Ron Paul fighting hard to render my call on the Iowa results to be borderline Nostramaic in character.

Enough Iowans have read or heard about the extensive commentary I wrote regarding the Lizard...so as to take at least one of his 400 pound knees out from under him.

Mitt is pretending to have temporarily dismounted ffrom his high horse and is all blue jeans and fairy tales, from Des Moines to The Bluffs.

Rick Sanatarium has, as I suggested, apparently wrested control of the Christian conservative Mike Chuckleberry crowd from Mrs. Botchmann and Rick H. W. Bush. In the process, however, Sanatarium did restore my confidence in his lacklusterness...by telling a crowd that he was "for income inequality".

Sanatarium indicated he did,however, oppose "intellectual inequality"...and as such he did one day hope that a compassionate intellectual might toss a few IQ points his way.

Despite Newtie's inevitable loss of front-running status, in the end I strongly suspect that he will retain the bulk of the Anybody But Romney crew. Newt's 48 stop barnstorming exodus, slated to begin next week, will be his legitimate "second look" in Iowa, and probably keep him reasonably even with Romney when all is said and done.

Mrs. Botchmann and John Huntsman, and their staffs, are already sending out resumes. Ann Coulter continues to shill for Chris Christie. Jeb Bush is gearing up for his own ill-advised entry into the race. And...Sarah Palin hints that she herself...may have eaten a bad carrot...which could give her "the runs" also.

I do, however, have it on good authority, that John Bolton, Paul Wolfowitz and Dick Cheney are managing the Palin Campaign. Apparently...Palin will announce, and then show up on stage at the next debate wearing a bomb vest. And...the morning after...Chris Christie will have to announce...along with Jeb Bush...since the rest of the field will have met their collective timely demise.

And yes...I confess in advance, that I will go for the obvious puns which so easily attach to both the Gov. of NJ, and the former Gov. of Florida. More on this later.

I've been seriously pressed for time recently...hence the limited posting the last few days. But...with so much happening in and out of Iowa this week. I assure all that the balance of the week will see daily posting.

Saturday, December 17, 2011

Mitch's Bitch Strikes Again!

Today was supposed to feature a Posting on the yet to announce republucan candidates for president. One of this crop of unannounced peeps will likely step up and become the nominee.

However, when greeted this morning by yet another Harry Reid fantasy, I felt compelled to move the Ann Coulter shilling for Chris Christie posting...until tomorrow.

When colleagues on the politically progressive side of the equation have less than kind words for my negative commentary aimed at any democrat...I get almost as frustrated as when my out of work republican friends talk about how much the Bush tax cuts have done for them.

After promising, yet again, that there was absolutely NO WAY he would accept an extension of reduced payroll tax rates, or a bill avoiding a government shutdown without a tax on millionaires...and a blood oath to kill the Keystone pipeline...the democratically controlled Senate caved on issues it wasn't even asked to give up...and then proudly claimed "victory".

Kinda reminds me of a Mike Tyson fight that lasted 13 seconds. After the loser woke up, hours later, he talked about how even just showing up could be thought of as a victory.

I think THAT LOSER'S NAME...might have been Harry Reid, too.

I always say that there is one primary difference between republicans and democrats, philosophically, which shapes and frames each and every if their respective substantive positions.
Republicans believe that a certain percentage of the population is expendable...and they are more than prepared to "expend them" at a moment's notice.

Democrats believe that there is a certain limited quality of life which all human beings are entitled to, regardless of the difficulties with which they may have been endowed by their Creator.

For years, I tended to ignore the fact that there is also one 800 pound elephant in terms of the tactical implementation of those core values.

Republicans tell the world up front..."we are fully prepared to compromise"...and never do.

Democrats announce they are committed to positions near and dear to some component support group...rarely if ever achieve any of their stated objectives...and then proclaim victory under circumstances that a child of four could plainly see that anyone who ever believed in what the democratic party was supposed to stand for...JUST TOOK IT RIGHT UP THE OLD HERSHEY HIGHWAY...AGAIN.

But seriously, Senator Harry Dweeb...given your 97% ownership in both KY Jelly and Astroglide...why would Mitch McConnell and Little Johnny Boner ever stop openly mocking you for being the ineffective, butt-munching, pretender that you have been, are and always will be?

What did you accomplish in this instance? You live by one and only one tactical principle...DELAY, DELAY, DELAY any final decision on any key issue, and keep the real heat off by giving away bits and pieces of your own position until by the time you actually have nothing left...even your most ardent supporters and detractors...forgot what the Hell you said you wanted in the first place.

You stand for nothing other than self-preservation, self-agrandizement, self-ishness, and routinely using both hands to hold your ass cheeks as far apart as possible while the entire republican caucus files in to cast their vote on any issue. I guess the good news for you, Sen. Dweeb...is that you can always count on the fact that regardless of your public posture on any issue, Mitch McConnell and the boys will be "behind you...all the way".

In fact, Senator Dweeb...in future commentary...please be advised that you've lost your right to be referred to by both your real name AND your involuntarily assumed name. From now on...you will henceforth be known only as, "MITCH'S BITCH"...

Because that is who and what you are.

You do the ultimate disservice to any and every thinking, caring and compassionate human being, just by entering the Well of the Senate. Do the world a favor, Bitch. Take a year off and read everything ever written or spoken by Neil Kinnock.

Oh...and file yet another Missing Persons Report...

I'm sure one day someone will locate your balls.

Friday, December 16, 2011

Iowa Debate Wrap Up & Other Stories.

Just when I think I'm not going to be able to find anything funny to say about Fox News...they conduct a republican presidential debate, and put Donald Trump in control of the "Too Much Time" Buzzer.

Yes, this was the final debate, pre-Iowa Caucus. Yes, this was the first debate with Newtie in the "Secret Square". Yes, Bret Baier is, was and always will the least credible of all of the non-journalists pretending to be journalists at The Rove Network. But...when a cut shot to Newt...during one of Michele Bachmann's early answers, showed Gingrich rolling his eyes toward the wing, followed by a hand gesture...FOLLOWED BY THE TOO MUCH TIME BUZZER...in an effort to terminate the onslaught, it was abundantly clear that Newtie, The Donald and Rupert Rove were obviously in cahoots.

The serious commentary to come...it simply amazes me that the debate opened with two questions to The Gingrinch Who Stole Christmas...which, even by the loosest possible standard (and for Bret Baier...we're talkin' looooooooooooose) which clearly weren't "debate questions". It was a five minute opportunity for The Gingrinch to flap his multiple jaws, about himself...and where there was no opportunity to have anyone respond to his drivel.

This opening Gingrinch monologue was followed, obviously by design...with a series of questions aimed at people OTHER THAN ROMNEY...until about 15 minutes into things, Mitt finally got a question posed to him.

The disastrous cut shot of Newt calling for Bachmann to get buzzed, was only part of the manipulation of the time constraint situation. Newt was buzzed only once during the entire debate and spoke uninterrupted for over a minute after the buzzing...without incident.

Huntsman...who continues to make the most sense, albeit using more "prepared remarks" than the others...was buzzed repeatedly, specifically admonished by The Poster Boy for Baier Family Birth Control...and finally, was cut off at one point in mid-answer.

Ron Paul...during an answer where he had just turned the tables on the grand inquisitor and sent Bret and his Spock ears home with a case of the red ass...was not only buzzed like a rented mule, AND admonished...he was re-re-buzzed as a sign of the host's disrespect and disgust, AFTER he had clearly finished an answer...which would have made further buzzing unnecessary.

So...Fox wanted Newt to have an opening five minute monologue, tried to keep Mitt Muzzled for longer than it made sense, so as to allow people who Fox thinks have no shot, operate to bolster the opening remarks of The Gingrinch...and to have those same comments, perceived of by Fox as not worthy of attention, operate as the lead-in to Mitt's first statements...in the hope that it would take Mitt half of his opening commentary just to get the viewers to put down their popcorn and give their attention.

Now...with that as the backdrop...How did everybody do?

Since the republicans insist on placing the candidates based on current poll numbers...let's follow suit.

Tricky Ricky Sanatarium gave his second somewhat reasonable performance. Thank God for lithium, eh? I continue to believe that foregoing time which he could spend with his dying daughter, in favor of campaigning for an office that Rupert Murdoch has a better chance of winning, IS an appropriate knock on Sen. Sanatarium...but, he was consistent, somewhat concise, and while thoroughly confused, WILL likely get the Chuckleberry endorsement, which will get him more votes at C-time, than Fox, or the frontrunners would like.

Jon Huntsman...almost makes me want to pen the sequel to Brian's Song and sell the rights to George Will so he can turn it into...The Destruction of the Would-Be President: 2012.

Huntsman is literally dying on the vine. Yes...he reads EVERY ANSWER...and must have War & Peace-style notes on his podium, BUT...republicans...you think you want Newt to debate Obama because The Lizard is smert-nuff ta out-shiiiiiine the president. M'kay...but, even if Newtie gave A+ answers to each question in those debates...each response of the president would still begin with..."Oh sure, Newtie...why don't you tell us how you've screwed everything with or without legs, stole money from every business partner you've ever had, AND...took over A HUNDRED MILLION IN LOBBYING FEES SINCE YOU GOT THROWN OUT OF THE CONGRESS?"

Now...what would the equally intelligent and eloquent Huntsman say when Obama attempted to slam him?

"Well...I'm quite surprised to see you taking shots at me, Mr. President...SINCE YOU HIRED ME...AND GAVE ME THE JOB OF REPRESENTING THIS COUNTRY IN OUR DEALINGS...WITH CHINA!"

But...enough about Huntsman. If Iowa doesn't pull the plug on him, formally...well, let's just leave it at, enough about Huntsman.

Rick Perry...

What can you say about a guy who wants Congress to work 5 months EVERY TWO YEARS..."cuz thas how we dew it down in Tex-ASS!"

Dear Mr. Perry...how many wars is Texass involved in at the moment? How man overhauls of programs impacting 50 states are those "pert-tighm" leg-is-lay-tors" responsible fer? How many foreign trade agreements and international accords do you vote on, and...oh by the way...are yew suggestin' that a Congress WHO CAINT AGREE ON ONE BUDGET...WOULD SHOW UP EVERY OTHER YEAR AND AGREE ON TWO?

Enough about Rick Perry.

Michele Batchmann...

I gave her props using her real name a few times today, because...she ROASTED Newtie...and...didn't mention Herman Cain once.

Mrs. Botchmann is clearly not the "serious candidate" she proclaimed. But, she did take on all comers last night and ruffled The Lizard in a way that not only took him off of his game, but...made it real clear that Newtie IS totally unstable when pressured.

Mrs. Botchmann probably earned back a few of the votes she lost in the last debate...and will likely hang in until South Carolina. She will however, get laughed out of New Hampshire & Florida, and end up appointing Herman Cain as Secretary of Defense...in the fictional Land of Lakes...once she declares herself the winner of its first and only presidential election

Mitt...

Mitt...Mitt...Mitt...

Mitt looked anxious at the opening bell...but, had 15 minutes to calm himself. Another Fox blunder which went unnoticed. I think Mitt was so upright about not being in the Center Square...that if he was peppered with questions FIRST...he may have actually soiled himself. As it stood, he was more presidential than usual, gave his best responses overall, dealt with Newtie, Fox, and the rest...BUT...is just never going to get out from underneath his record in Massachusetts.

Now...his real record in Massachusetts...given that he had to compromise on everything, was as good as it could have been. It just wasn't conservative enough at these here tighms, here in republucanville.

Mitt gave his best, and would be a good candidate in a competitve race, BUT...this was his last chance to show that he would carry the day conservatively...and it just didn't happen for him. The third place finish and much tougher NH primary than anticipated...followed by a 5th or 6th place showing in SC...may make Florida too little, too late.

Romney's endorsements of the past week also leave MUCH to be desired. If ya gottem in the bag, Mitt...you better trot out them big guns, now.

Ron Paul...

Ron was having a lackluster first half...in larger part to the fact that he was being asked questions designed to minimize his significance. However...when he got hit with the Iran & Earmark questions...Ron's face lit up, he could feel a new gas bubble brewing in the pit of his stomach, and he let Baier, Botchmann, The Gingrinch and the rest of them have it.

I don't think, on the whole, it was Paul's best debate. He allowed himself to be contained until late in the game and almost seemed to be begging for relevance, yet again...until Baier gave him the opening...which he did take.

I'm glad Fox and noted others nationwide felt enough of the Ron Paul campaign to feel the need to crush it. I'm honored by the commentators, nationwide who have adopted my take on Ron Paul...and while he didn't hurt himself in this debate...he didn't really help himself either.

Ron Paul can win Iowa...but, after this debate, he has more work to to, than before.

Newt...Newtie...

The Gingrinch Who Stole Iowa?

Probably not.

The good news is...Newt is one of those guys that if you just let him keep talking, you find out that the answer is "no".

There is NO limit to the man's pompousity. There is also no number not attainable on the Asshole Meter, the Pain in the Ass Scale, the Arrogance Quotient, and generally...you can understand why most reasonable, rational, logical and compassionate human beings who don't hate women, minorities, animals and anyone not like him...would ultimately want to take a bat to his knees.

George Will...quoted twice by Mrs. Botchmann, WILL win out. Enough republicans will determine Newt to be as unworthy to serve AS HE IS unworthy to serve...but, perhaps not in Iowa. Two candidates can win Iowa...Ron Paul...and Newt.

Newt, as always...sounded intelligent. He's "an historian"...which is why every answer starts with "Ronald Reagan"...OR "...in the year1802...".

At some point...this gets old, boring...and of absolutely no interest to someone in foreclosure and without a job, in 2012...especially when you have no real plan to change their lives.

Newt had a good performance. He was more cocky than confident, but then...he is The Lizard. He spent too much time talking about the past and not enough about the present. He didn't deal well at all with Botchmann...but deflected from the others quite well. He will always sound the part...but...while we may be a forgiving people in some senses...Newt will not, in the end be able to re-make himself in his own image, or erase the multitude of past improprieties.

Newt peaked at the right time. Bad news for Newt...no more debates. Just six competitors, hundreds of Iowa TV stations...and millions in ad dollars that are aimed at his anus.

Long Post...my apologies, but...these are important times.

Tomorrow...An assessment of the potential candidates NOT on last night's stage.

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

A Week Late...and OTHER Stories.

I do apologize for the brief absence. Crazy week thus far, however...I am taking the obligation far more seriously, even than before. I won't miss a day between now and the election.

The week late part of today's healdine relates to the fact that nearly a week after I called the Iowa Caucuses for Ron Paul...a virtual Who's Who of 7 figure pundits on radio, tv, and in major newspapers...are all on the Ron Paul bandwagon.

Even more exciting is the fact that the almost deafening No Newt Conservative Christmas Choir...are even using direct quotes (without attribution, of course) from our own recent slap at the old Lizard.

Okay...it's nice to have others either acknowledge your relevance...or, parrot your commentary, even if their employment agreements won't permit them to offer any acknowledgement.

But...on to the further debunkation.

Today, nearly every republican candidate suggested that the removal of American troops from Iraq as, "AN INVITATION TO IRAN...to invade Iraq."

Can we PLEASE...even in the middle of a Presidential election...STOP THE INSANITY?

IN THE LAST 12 MONTHS...the US has been actively conducting missions INSIDE Iran, and was finally forced to acknowledge some part of this when a state of the art surveillence drone somehow fell out of the sky in Iran.

The Israelis conducted active military operations against Iran...and, either conducted, or conspired with others who cyber attacked the Iranian nuclear program.

Enhanced sanctions have been imposed by the UN, OPEC and the IMF.

Is there ANYONE...who thinks that IRAN even so much as ERECTING A TOLL BOOTH ON THE ROAD TO BAGHDAD...WOULDN'T START THE WAR THAT THE ENTIRE REST OF THE WORLD HAS BEEN BEGGING FOR?

Jay Leno could get more slack from a carjacker that Iran will get FROM ANYBODY!

The truth is...in 2008, despite being the no foreign policy experience guy, going up against the alleged war hero...Obama won the day. And...republicans KNEW that Obama was going to be HORRENDOUS in the foreign policy arena, so much so that by 2012, it would the most vulnerable of all of his 13 Achilles Heels.

Then...Obama oversaw the dismantling of one dictatorship after another, killed bin Laden...brought troops home from Iraq, got even tougher with Pakistan and Afghanistan...and...is really no longer even remotely considered vulnerable on foreign policy...EVEN BY HARDCORE RIGHT WINGERS WHO WEREN'T GOING TO VOTE FOR HIM ANYWAY.

ENOUGH...with how bringing troops home from Iraq will emboldened Iran.

Bringing ALL of the troops home from Iran will do one thing, and one thing only...

It will stop them from getting DEAD!

Were 15,000 or 50,000 US troops going to stop a nuclear Iran? The unleashing of 5000 Iran missiles of the non-nuclear variety? Or fend off a million man Army marching to Baghdad?

The more republican candidates...both LIE...and consider voters too stupid to know they are lying...the more Independent voters WHO SWORE THEY WOULD NEVER AGAIN VOTE FOR OBAMA...will end up hating themselves on the first Tuesday after a Monday...in 2012.

More tomorrow on Mitt Romney's upcoming endorsements from Charlie Manson, Jerry Sandusky, the Doc who killed Michael Jackson...and that mom in Florida who really did kill her baby girl.

See ya then!

Monday, December 12, 2011

Travel related delay...

Since I was already at LAX AT 3 AM...

Today's Thoughts will post as soon as both feet are back on the ground.

I apologize for any inconvenience this may have caused to one and all.

Sunday, December 11, 2011

Would You Like Something To Wash That Foot Down?

God, I love watching debates. Especially Presidential debates. Especially republican Presidential debates. Especially republican Presidential debates where something unexpectedly wacky occurs. Because, nothing unexpectedly wacky ever occurs in republican Presidential debates.

Well...it sorta usually, kinda ALWAYS DOES. But then, I guess you could kinda see this joke a mile away.

Just like last night's republican Presidential debate results...almost.

I refuse to spend any great deal. of time on Mitt Romney's invitation to have Rick Perry either stop misquoting something Romney actually wrote...or BET HIM $10,000.00 THAT PERRY WAS GETTING THE WORDS JUMBLED.

Okay...Mitt...Did you not see the movie Caddyshack? Where Rodney Dangerfield was trying to goad Ted Knight into a bet on the golf course? In that case, Knight's character, a crusty elitist...not unlike yourself...simply responded by reminding Rodney, "Gambling is illegal at Bushwood, Sir..."

And...Mitt...unless you changed your name to Willard Mitt "Running Bear" yesterday afternoon and got a permit pushed through the Bureau of Indian Casino Gaming...in record time...

GAMBLING IS ILLEGAL IN IOWA, SIR...

The really funny part wasn't that Mitt spoke those words, or, that he was wearing the, "Pardon me, but I do believe I've SOILED MYSELF" look for the next half hour. The really funny part was that the free translation of the answer he had given RIGHT BEFORE THIS ONE...was when he looked at Newtie and said, "...CHARACTER COUNTS!"

Or...maybe the REALLY funny part was the entire Running Bear Spin Machine simultaneously driving sharp sticks into their own eyes even before he said it...because...they just saw that look in his eye. "Ya know he's got that...look."

Okay, I swear...I'm NOT gonna talk about the Romney $10,000.00 bet any more.

So, get this...this morning, the Romney guys are saying this is a POSITIVE...because everybody said Mitt was just too nice of a guy, and had no fire in him.

Of course, you know I expected that thought to close by the Romney aide saying, "...FIRE...GOOD!" But, then I am a comedy slut and always want it ALL! Maybe Running Bear just needs a better comedywriter?

Now...for the brief analysis of the other 119 minutes of the debate.

It might be easiest to work from the two extremes back to the center...logistically speaking. So what if they did kinda line up that way idiotillogically, as well.

Mrs. Botchmann and Randle McMurhpy Santorum may have been the two biggest surprises of the night. Mrs. Botchmann may have been both calmed and energized by ABC's nonstop cut shots featuring the way too happy pie-face of her Man-Wife in the family section. It honestly allowed her to at least stradle the line of lucidity...until her closing statement...which was her 17th invitation to the six remaining Herman Cain supporters to "climb up on this horse and RIDE!"

NOTE TO MRS. BOTCHMAN: If you don't have them by the 16th attempt...CLOSE WITH SOMETHING ELSE!

The bad news for Newtie is...until that Botched Botchmann Closing Statement...the woman had some juice going. And...your plea for redemption notwithstanding...I'm not guessing the Guns & God crowd is on your team, yet...Newtie.

Now...Senator Sanatarium, on the other hand...obviously downed a triple dose from old Nurse Ratchet...IMMEDIATELY before coming onto the stage. I've known this fine example of Stone Cold Batshit Crazy for over twenty years...

I NEVER heard Rick Santorum sound closer to being an actual human being with a modest amount of functioning brain wave activity...until last night. He even earned the right to have his name not be abused by me. (Just this once...of course.)

For as much raving as the post-debate hacks were doing regarding Newtie "holding his own"...the worst news of the night for Gingrich was that Sanatarium appeared sane enough to convince some number of the 42% of the religious vote that went to Mike Chuckleberry in 2008 to give him a look. Gingrich is the Anti-Romney Flavor of the Week. He wanted and needed to be the Anti-Mormon Flavor of the Party, too. All he needed was for Santorum to be himself. DAMN those psychotics when they take their meds! DAMN them to Hell!  Eh, Newtie?

Rick Perry...well...I honestly had a tough time hearing much of what he said until he gave the "I was born...a poor black child" speech as his closing. I know that plays well in East Bumfuck, Teeeeeeexas. But, to me...it was just one more reason to put him in the blender and hit frappe'.

Nothing wrong with growing up, or being poor. I'm riiiiiiiight that witcha, Ricky Ticky. But...the question was, "WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU HAD TO SACRIFICE SOMETHING...AND WHAT WAS IT?" Which...of course had NOTHING TO DO WITH YO MOMMY SEWING THE TUX FOR YOUR SENIOR PROM.

Ron Paul...wow! Thank you for reading my advice to you from earlier in the week. You weren't begging for relevance. Your jabs at yourself over your previous lack of relevance were great. And..not only did the crowd get it...but, SO DID THE OTHER CANDIDATES! You were made "real" last night, Ron. The rest is up to you. Jazz that college-age base over the holiday, and make me look like a hero on January 3rd!

Mitt...Mitt...Mitt...You'll keep the establishment crowd, and no doubt trot out an endorsement or two, or three a day the rest of the way. 'Cause...that's how you guys roll. You were worried about zingin' Newtie...and ya zunged yourself. Ordinarily, I hate when that happens. Today...I REALLY HATE when that happens, because well...Newton LeRoy McPherson-Gingrich...IS THE DEVIL!

Can you recover? Sure, as I told you yesterday...you weren't going to win Iowa, anyway. However...my friend, and fellow new member of the Sac & Fox Nation...If you don't KILL in New Hampshire...look for the Search Committee to get another round of headhunting in, real soon after. Rough night, my new found Native American Brother. You may wish to log a few more hours in The Hawkeye State before heading off to the Great Salt Lake for the holiday.

Oh...and Mitt...is this the first time you've actually soiled the Magic Underwear?

Newtie...

Newtie...Newtie...Newtie...

Weeks ago, you chided moderators for encouraging republicans to not make nice...AND LAST NIGHT...

...you take Mitt back to the baggage car and put one in his ear!

Splain, yo seff, you fat lizard.

Oh...wait...that kinda does explain it.

You mean that stuff all of your old republican colleagues said about you being 2, 3, and even 4 faced...was TRUE?

SAY IT AIN'T SO, NEWTIE!

Okay, short & sweet on Newt. He held his own with the moderators, and Mitt...and probably ended up in a sleazy motel afterward with the Governor of Iowa...given the number of invitations made during the evening.

Newtie was helped by Romney, hurt by Santorum, modestly injured by Mrs. Botchmann...and was more open & notorious regarding the insignificance of Rick Perry, than the others. Any bounce he gets from Mitt's flub, probably is more than offset by the losses he suffers by Christians flocking to Randle McMurphy Sanatarium. Biggest downside of the night for Newtie...look for the White House to see him as viable.

That...will not be pretty.

Changes to Iowa prediction...None...

...yet.

Saturday, December 10, 2011

Iowa...Continued.

Iowa republicans boast that in the last four election cycles where there was no republican incumbent president, the winner of the caucuses became the nominee of the Party twice...and in one of those two instances, was actually elected president.

This sounds pretty impressive...as part of a pitch aimed at establishing relevance...until, of course, PhD candidates from both Storm Lake and Ottumwa, Iowa point out that the success rate of Iowa caucus winners is identical to that of the idea of obtaining a result of either "Heads" OR "Tails" on a series of four flips of a wooden nickel.

In 2008, Johnny McNuts placed 4th in Iowa, behind The Musical Minister, Mike Chuckleberry, The Boring Mormon, Willard Romney, and The  Accidental Candidate...Fred Thompson.

While the coin-flip significance of the Iowa caucuses, to the ultimate outcome of non-incumbent republican races makes any outcome in 2012 decidedly less than statistically significant, there are certain quantifiable notions which could put the Fear if God into folks on both costs...not of Iowa, as we await the final numbers.

Two candidates in the current cycle are in syndication as far as Iowa is concerned. Willard of the Magic Underwear ran pretty much the same campaign...(until a couple days ago) in Iowa, in 2008. In the previous cycle, he was the odds on favorite to conquer the Great Plains. In the end, he was summarily thrashed and trashed by a guy looking for a job at Fox News, and hoping to get his son out of being indicted for carrying a loaded weapon onto a commercial airliner.

Chuckleberry did have a few "in-bred," if not at least regional advantages however, with those and a few other facts being worthy of note, as we go along.

Ron Paul made his 17th appearance, as best as I can tell, on an Iowa caucus ballot, in 2008, dating back to something like 1928. Oddly enough, and depending on how the top tier candidates mix it up in the next three weeks, Ron Paul could end up with his new slogans being, "Life begins at 90," "The 17th time is a charm," or..."Corn, corn...everybody's got two ears".

None of the other candidates have a recent Iowa caucus history to point to...however, Iowa itself is as predictable in some ways as Herman Cain's response to the delivery of the new Victoria's Secret catalogue, or Rick Sanatarium's advice to Michele Botchmann's man-wife.

True...this is an enormously strange day, in a bizarre election season happening to take place during a European pre-financial meltdown, while Barack readies to lob cruise missiles into Downtown Tehran, Pakistan is Burning, the Occupy Wall Street crowd is mass producing more tri-corner hats than the teabaggers...and, oh, by the way, virtually no republican sub-group is happy with ANYONE currently running for president.

Hmmmmmm...at least some of that might introduce the concept of "u-ni-Q-ness" to the heartland of America, eh?

The seriously wacky lead-in to these caucuses has stemmed in part from the total absence of anyone even remotely resembling a "frontrunner". Weekly polling over a three month period in Iowa has seen five different names atop the leaderboard. Most recently, the soon-to-be once again disgraced former Speaker of the House...who replaced the currently disgraced and equally despicable ex-pizza delivery guy (...didn't you just KNOW all those "delivery guys" stories were true...) Herman Cain...who replaced the Texas Tar-Nada (and poster boy for multiple 12 Step Programs) Tricky Ricky Perry...who had displaced Willard and his Magic Underwear, right after Michele Botchmann bought just enough "fried butter" at the State Fair to make it look like anyone actually cared about her fantasy campaign as much as they did the onset of Social Security Disabilty resulting from coronary artery disease.

Then...in the last 72 hours, while I was making my final projections on Iowa...and AFTER I've labeled Sen Sanatarium as being officially even more batshit crazy than, well...politicians who gave glowing speeches about Jerry Sandusky and had dozens of photos taken with their arms around him...oh..wait...that was Rick Sanatarium, too...wasn't it? Well, let's just say that given what the religious right did for Mike Chuckleberry in Iowa, in '08, and that two major religious endorsements have been gifted to Batshit Ricky SINCE THURSDAY...I admit, I had to rewrite most of what you're reading now...post the normal 3 A. M.

So...polls that we know, unpredictable pols, past history, present unrest, an abundance of names, the lack of a candidate, character flaws and common sense be damned...who wins and loses Iowa, three weeks before the dance, and before any other pundits is willing to go on the line?

Let's get Willard and the Magic Underwear out of the way first. Unless every other candidate quits or gets forced out of the race, Romney would likely only dominate a race between he, Jon Huntsman, Buddy Former, Gary Johnson and two guys who only wish to be known as "NOT ROMNEY". Mitt got 25% in '08...and is polling 2nd at the moment at between 17 and 20 percent.

Mitt hovers right where he is on C-Day...and finishes THIRD.

Bachmann...yes, I said Bachmann and not Botchmann...because I'm lining up a running gag, m'kay?

Bachmann, Perry Overdrive...(because Sen. Sanatarium is in an even more psychotic state of forward movement than he is simply psychotic at the moment)...will undoubtedly wack up the wackadoo vote...which tipped the results in previous caucuses, at a pretty consistent low 40's percent number.

Forget, for the moment that if Santorum were to pull and an even more surprising Chuckleberry in 2012...the Governors of Missouri, Nebraska, Illinois and Minnesota would send THEIR National Guards to bring down the Hawkeye Regime and reinstate sanity.

The best news I can give thinking Americans on this Axis of Weasel, is that I can't see Sen. Sanatarium actually "WINNING"...even though a Santorum-Sheen Ticket would be the only reason why that should ever happen. "BPO" will still draw a healthy percentage of the vote, however. As a Block...of Blockheads, BPO will finished 2nd. Sanatarium, unless one of those pictures he took with Jerry Sandusky proves to be in the shower at Penn State...will likely out poll Botchmann and Perry, and land the single least deserving person in the known universe...a 4th place finish, not far off percentage-wise, from where Johnny McNuts called home in the list of Iowa results four years ago.

Newtie is polling at 30 % right now...three counties and and area code ahead of his closest competitor. The good newt is...there is no "good Newt"...and as Romney has already taken my advice and started carpet bombing this blimp-like carpet-bagger...Washington republicans are remembering how he screwed them repeatedly...like a Black & Decker 12 Speed Pro Model...and 999 of 1000 republican "strategists" declare that the country would never elect A LIZARD President...Newtie is about to enjoy the 13th or 14th toughest three weeks of his life.

Newtie drops in both polls and performance, but...holds on to SECOND PLACE...primarily as a stalking horse, until the ultimate nominee actually enters the race.

More on that right after Iowa.

Now...I know what you're thinking. "He didn't just day that RON PAUL is going to win Iowa...DID HE?"

As any good comedian knows...not only is "timing" everything...but, you really can't teach it. Like shit, life, and a few other select circumstances..."Timing Happens". And, in this case...Ron Paul finds himself in a situation where even though the posession of a heartbeat is all Ron really had to do with the goings on around him in thus instance...RON PAUL WILL WIN IOWA...even if by no more than default.

Yes, this assumes Newtie is outed for who and what he is AND that character matters AT ALL to Iowa Christians. It also assumes that Perry stays Perry, Botchman doesn't buy a lifetime supply of fried butter for caucus goers, Mitt doesn't receive a visit from Joseph Smith telling Romney "...it was just a dream, my son...that German Guy runs the true church,"...or Herman Cain gets back in & out, in & out, up & down, side to side, in & out of the race again...Ron Paul gets a good turnout in key college areas, and is the principal beneficiary of the fact that there are 1000 candidates and only 1100 voters.

So...yes, I know that anytime you go out on a limb like this, you set yourself up to with be "THE GUY" if you're right (or even close)...or in need of serious redemption if you crap the bed at the start of the season. However...with all things being equal over the holidays...and yes, I DO expect there will be bombshells during the Christmas Season (hopefully already effectively factored in...) The Official 2012 Iowa Caucus Results WILL BE...

WINNER: RON PAUL
2nd: Rooty-Tooty Fat-N-SNOOTY
3rd:  Willard of the Magic Underwear
4th:  Rick "Randle McMurphy" Sanatarium
5th:  Katy Perry's Idiot Uncle
6th:  Michele Botchmann

Last...and total LOSER:  America

Friday, December 9, 2011

It's The Campaign Schedule, Stupid!

If you only read the blurbs on various websites about which candidate said the wrong thing, or something controversial, or showed up drunk, forgot the voting age, who we at war with, or some other key fact...you would be missing one of the bright lights that the trained eye gravitates toward immediately as you get to key stages of a campaign.

Thank God for places like Politico.com.

Politico, Drudge, Huffington Post and a thousand others all give a reader their meat and potatoes. But, unless you're reading about something a candidate did or said, or something like the allegations against the gone but not forgotten, Herman Cain...only Politico, I believe gives you the daily schedule of events for each candidate. Having both run campaigns and traveled with others, when you're three or so weeks away from the election, or in this case, the first round of primaries and caucuses...your media buy tells the world about how much love you're still getting from your backers...and you're daily schedule is an equally good indicator of whether there are any voters left who still want to shake your hand...or, how you really feel about your chances.

Wednesday, Rick Perry's suicidal anti-gay ad blanketed the air waves in Iowa. Thursday, he spent at three low value events in South Carolina, which include a press conference, dinner at a diner, and mid-day at a retirement community. Today...he's taking the day off.

On the day after Perry's media blitz hit Iowa, the Iowa Secretary of Agriculture, an ultra conservative Mormon, gave Sen. Rick Sanatarium the highest ranking endorsement of his make believe campaign, at least publicly proclaiming Senator Randle McMurphy Sanatarium to be the candidate most entitled to the support of the Reactionary Christian Right. Tricky Ricky responded by unveiling his new campaign slogan..."RED RUM...RED RUM!"

This tells me a few things about Iowa that none of the articles on any of those other websites would have the time to get into. Rick Perry has more dollars in his war chest, than live brain cells. Yes, South Carolina is near in time to Iowa. Yes, no serious candidate can completely pass on any early state. Mitt Romney's delayed reaction Iowa campaign effort, after pledging to blow off the state, is evidence of a serious shift in his own outlook on his own world...More on this tomorrow.

Back to Perry...After showing up drunk to an event in New Hampshire, and later publicly berating a New Hampshire college student and doing his best to make the kid look like the fool, and then ignoring the advice of his own staff and releasing perhaps one of the more ridiculous TV ads I've seen since Mike Dukakis is a tank...Perry realized that follow up, in-state (Iowa) following the huge ad buy would be about as irrational as oh, say...the Secretary of Agriculture endorsing any character ever played on-screen by Jack Nicholson. Yes, the South Carolina events were likely scheduled well in advance. However, if Perry truly believed his Iowa ad buy was anything other than grasping at toothpicks floating in 40 weight motor oil...he would be doing not three, but thirty appearances in Iowa, and have multiple church officials lined up in advance to come on board. Translation...Perry may have the funds to continue on after South Carolina...and according to at least one expert on the republican side, who I trust, he may get one more serious look as others shake out of the bunch, but...even that opinion was expressed prior to the media backlash associated with the Iowa anti-gay ad.

My call...Perry has lost the conservative Christian vote in Iowa to at Least Sanatarium, probably Botchmann, and maybe even Newtie. Worse yet...he had to outspend them to do it. Perry probably finishes no better than 5th in Iowa, 4th in New Hampshire, and if he loses to Senator Charlie Manson in either...he could get every vote in South Carolina and it won't save him

Meanwhile, Pope Santorum is changing his name to Joseph Smith, IX and taking his Mormon endorsement to four Iowa events, including an appearance before presumably educated college students...who will also see Ron Paul on the same campus later in the day. (Never follow a kid or an animal act...ALWAYS follow a lunatic. Kudos to your scheduler, Ron.) Santorum is still polling below all but Jon Huntsman in Iowa...who really has blown the state off.

My call...Senator I'm Sure as HELL not a Uniter, can't win Iowa, and could never win the nomination. He couldn't even win his last senatorial election in his home Commonwealth of Pennsylvania, but...he doesn't have to. El Rickbo isn't in it to win it, and never has been. The job market is tough even for ex-US Senators at the moment, and as long as he can pay the mortgage out of campaign contributions, and spread a message of hate to those parts of 'Merika where Faux Christianity and Batshit Crazy live across a very narrow street from one another...Santorum will go just psycho enough to eek out another couple weeks on the trail. On the other hand, this "gentleman" who methink doth protest jesssssssssst a little too much on the whole gay issue, could be the driving force behind the exodus of Mrs. Botchmann, and maybe even Bush the Third.

Additional calls, re: Iowa...

Jon Huntsman decided to forfeit Iowa. He'll finish last. But, that isn't the point when it comes to Huntsman. If you won't compete in Iowa because it is to conservative for your message to be understood...how on earth will you compete in that grand bastion of reason, rationality and understanding that we like to call, "The Solid South"? Yes, an ex-Governor of California who spent 12 years turning the Party of Lincoln into the Party of Stalin...didn't have to tawk liiiiike Rick Perry to win the south...because the south had been with that ex-Gov. for those same 12 years. However, when you're already running 2nd Mormon in at best, a one Mormon race...well, that be an elephant of a whole nutha-culla.

More on why Jon Huntsman is in the race in the days ahead.

As for Mrs. Botchmann...even though this blog drifts back and forth between humor and complete serious political commentary, even the humor MUST be fact-based. In my ind, this means that any candidate that I make any call on, in any primary or caucus..MUST have at LEAST a legitimate understanding of something/ANYTHING to do with the process, the office, the Constitution, statutes, regulations and common law associated with the operation and management of the Office of the most powerful individual in the free world.

Since...in many, if not most other civilized nations, Mrs. Botchmann would be deemed ineligible to dip her thumb in blue or purple ink on election day, due to the fact that she lives in a world where both of her thumbs and her head are parked in a place where no self-respecting body part would ever take up permanent residence...I simply refuse to further degrade, or rather Trumpalinize the Office of the Presidency by even suggesting that her presence on scene is anything other than a communist plot designed to bring down our form of government. As such, no call will be made. Mrs. Botchmann's abysmal book sales, sub-zero checking account balance and loss of even her home-grown teabaggers, make her one event Friday both easy to appreciate, and serve as a much needed and more than welcome suggestion that there is a limit to the current state of degradation of our society.

Tomorrow...a breakdown of the Iowa Contenders, and a call on the order of finish...more than three weeks from C-Day.

.

Thursday, December 8, 2011

Newt and the Christian Right.

I broke my own rule, yesterday. I was going to go a full campaign without "blue humor," and I used a very appropriate example in a way that I knew would get laughter and prove my point. The email responses which I received were near universally supportive...except for the one I got from the friend to whom I had made the original promise. The email was full of laughter, and the promise I had broken was never mentioned. But somehow, I could hear a "sigh".

I'm taking just a minute to renew ny commitment. This blog will always be funny. It will, in fact, tend toward the use of irony, sarcasm, and occasionally a bit of razor-wire, to get its points across. No prisoners will be taken. But, I will leave the innuendo to, well...innuendo.

Having said that, I have yet another dilemma at 2:44 A.M. on this unusually cool morning. When I speak or write about politics and the Christian Right, I tend to sound "preachy" when I neither intend that, or have any right to take that tone. If you hear that, and want to call me out...knock yourself out.

I once wrote the following, in response to a reactionary right-wing minister who was defending both the CIA torture of American Citizens, and the actions of a political, sexual and societal deviant...who just happened to have the same ideas as my Christian Brother concerning what was "right for America".

"In end times, there shall walk among you, false prophets. They shall be lead by fornicators, adulterers, usurers, thieves, and those engaging in all forms of deception. They shall grow in numbers greater than that of my disciples, and take the name GOP. Take heed and repent, for this is how Ye shall know I am coming. For these are the final days. In this moment, when the faithful call upon me, I shall respond with a smile and draw Ye into my bossom. Likewise when those of this world cry out, I will say, I never knew Ye."

Now...I was in such a humorous mood when Herman Cain "withdrew," that my very first inclination was to write a song parody based on the classic, "The Night They Laid Old Dixie Down". Of course, this one is called, "The Night I First Laid Ginger Down". And, while I'm loathe to actually admit this...in the interest of full disclosure, I did write a song parody for (shoot me now) Rush Limbaugh during the Clinton years entitled, "She'll Be Hummin' 'Round the White House When He Cums". I think you can figure out the musical inspiration for that little diddy.

The bottom-line here is that even though there can be no justification for adultery...At the time Clinton's decades of indiscretion made its way back to the front page, not even the Christian Right was as upset about the adultery, as they were excited about having something "ON" people who disagreed with them...not spiritually, but politically, and, not that they intended to use Clinton to foster the cause of marital fidelity...but to smokescreen the flaws in other candidates for political office, whose positions wouldn't necessarily gore one of their more prized oxen

And then came Newt.

I thought, ya know...I don't want to write about Newt because...YOU CAN'T BE SERIOUS?
NEWT?

The man's own mother named him after a lizard and called him "Newtie" before he even had a chance to grow into the roll of a total ass clown.

Forget the fact that in his own mind, he walks on both air and water, and could save Israel by simply eating the Gaza Strip. Apparently he started on that task even before formally announcing for president.

Okay, I'm willing to forget about that. But, what else do I have to forget about, if I'm going to cast a vote for this name made famous by fictional witches throwing something into a boiling pot?

Newt is working on his third marriage. His first marriage ended when he served his then wife with divorce papers...while she was in the hospital and immediately after she had been diagnosed with cancer. Oh...on a side note. Newt sought the divorce from his cancer-riddled wife...to immediately marry his mistress.

Round Two of marriage mania didn't turn out the way Newtie had hoped either. Or, maybe it did. It just didn't turn out the way his former concubine turned Lordette of the Manor, might have scripted. Rooty-Tooty Fat-N-Snooty ended up layin' a little paper on Mommy #2...be-cause he was bedding down one of his office staff. On a side note...Newt was having this affair, and dispatching this wife, while standing daily in the well if the House if Representatives demanding the impeachment of Bill Clinton...for having an affair with a co-worker...on government time...in a government building, and...you get the picture.

Hold that thought. Just know that Newt again, at least had the courtesy to marry the fornicatress and "make an honest woman out of her".

Too bad he didn't start that process with himself.

Not long after taking on Mommy Numerous Tres...Newt took on the House Ethics Committee. After a 30 month investigation into his conduct both as a Member and Speaker of the House, Newt was charged with EIGHTY FOUR separate violations if the Code of Professional Responsibility of the US House of Representatives.  To avoid further issue, the prospect of criminal indictment, and as a means to make a bad day finally end...Newt resigned his Speakership, and...like Sarah Palin...QUIT before being fired. On a side note...Newt accepted a $300,000.00 FINE, as additional penalty for his ethical violations...where the origin of a number of those allegations were "fraud," "deceit" and the wanton and random display of a number of additional upstanding personality traits.

Well...if there's nothing else to forget, I think I could still...

Whoa, Bubba! We ain't done yet.

Like his brothers before him...he's a workin' man. (Yeah, yeah, yeah...it's a line from the Herman Cain song parody...so sue me.)

And, work he did...on milking the government, the taxpayer, and even corporations and foreign governments out of literally hundreds of millions of dollars. At the same time, and with multiple sources of questionable compensation for each, Newt, since he was forced to resign from THE VERY LAST PUBLIC POSITION HE HELD, is a lobbyist, an alleged professor, an author, a consultant, the founder of more than three dozen not for profit entities, and the subject of IRS and other investigations.

Newt has been paid by the US Government, by Fannie & Freddie...even as he rips others for dining at the government trough, Newt continues to replay the scene where he damned Bill Clinton publicly, for virtually identical contact.

Newt has forced foreign governments to hire family members, and accepted substantial gifts and other compensation from foreign citizens, corporations and governments in return for his uncanny and unexplainable ability to influence the conduct of the same House if Representatives...THAT ESSENTIALLY THREW HIM OUT!

But...on yet another side note; Newt's "faith" appears non-existent until the age of 27, when he joined a Baptist Church and was baptized...shortly before his first congressional campaign. At this point, I refer my readers to the countless Christian examples set by Newt which have been previously addressed
In 2009, after Mr. Obama's election, after the financial meltdown, and at a time when it was apparent he would be running for president, Newt returned to church for the first time in decades...but to the Catholic Church. The explanation this time? Mommy Numerous Tres is Catholic, and Newt now claimed that he had "embraced Catholicism as the true faith" for quite some time, and after meeting with the Pope in 2008, he saw such peace on the Pope's face that he knew what he must do.

On a side note to a side note...Pope Benedict has been more controversial than anyone thought even a German Pope could gave been...fending off allegations up to and including that he was directly involved in the transferring of child rapists to avoid prosecution...WHILE HE WAS PERSONALLY DECRYING ANYTHING TO DO WITH PRIESTS RAPING CHILDREN.

Well...at least Newt has something in common with the Pope.

And now...Newt is being hailed BY BAPTISTS...as a candidate worthy of not only their support, but the support of anyone wanting to "save America from the depths of Hell...and from a man who went to church with his family every week WHEN HE WASN'T RUNNING FOR OFFICE."

Hey don't get me wrong. I'm NOT an Obama guy...not this time anyway. But, to have the reactionary Christian political right, FOR A SPLIT SECOND claim that Newt Leroy Gingrich is God's Messenger...forgiveness and redemption being aside...is a JOKE!

I had this conversation with a Christian Brother yesterday and closed with these two observations.
In the past...while in church, I prayed repeatedly for the souls of those who did not know Christ. More and more, I find myself praying for the souls of the people I'm sitting next to.

And, in the case of Newt...It's a darn good thing that Jesus rose from the dead, because if he had not, and was informed that NEWT was his new MESSENGER...he would literally be rolling in his tomb.

Okay...more serious today than funny, but...check back with me tomorrow.

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Why Don't The Really Smart and Good People Run For President?

Friends and colleagues on both sides of the political aisle always ask me why a particular candidate, usually running for president, ever thought he or she had a prayer of winning. "They convince people to give them millions of dollars, talk about doing something ridiculous, end up out of the race, and the only thing they've done is waste good money that could have gone to __________." Then they clarify by stating a name, filling in the blank with their own "cause celeb," and close with some regional interpretation of the immortal question, "What's wrong with these people?"

In 2008, I personally had no trouble justifying the campaign of Congressman Dennis Kucinich. He was the 2nd most honest person I had ever met in politics. As an aside, two different Vice Presidents gave commencement addresses both times I earned law degrees, I've met five Presidents of the United States, advised one candidate for president, wrote speeches for another, played golf regularly with a governor and had a former congressman as a business partner...and none of them are #1 on that list.

Even Kucinich lost both his way, and his status, when he campaigned against the Obama healthcare plan and pledged to vote"no". In the end, Dennis voted for the bill, and was arguably "the vote" that secured passage. On the Bill the congressman had stated would "set healthcare reform back twenty-five years," Dennis towed the party line and suggested "it was the best we were going to get". I would have been much happier if he had said, "I'm in the process of being re-districted out of my job, or forced to run against another incumbent democrat in a primary I might lose. Are you nuts? I can't buck the brand new sitting President."

Even sadder, yet...the #1, most honest person I ever met in the political game not only died a tragic death, but afterwards, a whole bunch of guys who weren't half the human being that Paul Wellstone had been, embarrassed even those of us who truly loved the man, by using his public memorial to do all it could to thoroughly destroy his legacy.

Not only do I digress...but with purpose.

Sure, every presidential race for even farther back than I can remember, has had at least one "wacky neighbor"...borrowing a concept from the most successful modern day situation comedy format ever employed by the Wizards of Hollywood. Hell, Barry Goldwater got the nomination. Ronald Reagan was the consummate Wacky Neighbor, despised by the majority of his party for eight years. It's taken Ron Paul what, about ten election cycles and two different parties to even remotely resemble relevance. (He was running for president when JFK was shot, wasn't he?) And, for those who might be thinking that I only recognize the Wack Factor in one flavor...please note that I interviewed Senator Mike Gravel twice in 2008. I sure hope I'm not the only guy who ever felt sorry enough for him to call his grandchildren and ask them to please come and take him home.

So, what is so different, today? Why are even the most hard core republican friends of mine wondering in these times, with this economy, a sitting democratic president best described six months ago as a dead man walking...shaking their heads hard enough to generate a migraine and first on my "Friend's List" to be asking the question that started this posting? How can it be, that the same president that the right took two years attempting to brand as "another Jimmy Carter" could end up with a second term which really would embolden him to make more significant change than did Ronald Reagan?

The short answer, I guess is that the really smart republicans who would actually have a chance at winning a presidential race, realize that the economy that they thought would be Mr. Obama's downfall, might still be far enough down the old Thomas Crapper four years from now, so as to rain on their own parade, as well. The longer answer will be the subject of its own in depth posting later in the campaign, as the republican nominee truly does emerge and be recognized.

I guess I'm having trouble answering the question presented today because I had promised myself, and one very good friend, that I would go an entire presidential election campaign and not use so much as a single off-color word in even one blog posting. In 2008, despite the fact that some of my work was picked up by news or entertainment programming on six networks, by both real news people and comedians and satirists whose names we all recognize...and, notwithstanding the fact that even Politico, Drudge and Huff Post will occasionally agree that nothing adds a little much needed emphasis like a properly positioned off-color word or phrase...I really wanted to go at least two days into this election coverage without "going blue". (And, I don't mean "Democratic".)

But alas, the best laid plans of mice and mean...yada, yada, yada.

As I was sitting with that friend recently...a friend who I would not at all have expected to find blue humor funny, or appropriate under any circumstances...we watched a replay of a comedy routine performed by an incredible comedian and writer named Louis C. K.. I've worked on the same stage in New York City with Louie, on maybe as many as 100 or more occasions. On this occasion, he recounted a story where while driving, he was a victim of a road rage incident and, where after being cut off by another driver, the other driver proceeded to stop his car, roll down his window and admonish Louie to, "Suck a whole bag of dicks". As Louie tells the story, his first reaction was, "Wow, this guy is REALLY pissed. I could see maybe one dick," he says..."But, a whole BAG of dicks. Talk about over reacting."


Right after that, I watched a replay of the last republican presidential debate. Midway through what only seemed like nine hours, there was a two minute segment where Rick Perry was so upset about something he could hardly...well, to be honest, Rick Perry can hardly speak after a restful night's ambien-induced REM-sleep session, but...let's just say he was on the verge of suggesting that Rick Santorum follow in the footsteps of Louis C.K. during the road rage experience.

And, Santorum didn't back down. He stuck his passive-aggressive meely-mouth right into the fray and probably would have returned a similar suggestion to Governor Perry...But, given Santorum's previous suggestion that "gay marriage leads to bestiality" and a driving desire for a man to "marry an inanimate object, such as the Eiffel Tower"...I think Santorum thought better of going all-in by dropping the "whole bag of dicks card" so early in the World Series of Politics. But...he was pretty pissed, too.

That's when I realized why no one candidate can last more than one week, or three sexual scandals, at the top of the list. Regardless of what Obama has done in office, he ran for office because he probably believed he could make legitimate change. George W. Bush was, okay, I'll be kind...a lunatic, Yale legacy who, though either oxygen deprived at birth, or pharmceutically enhanced a little more than the average bear...he was a man on a mission...and at least the first time he ran, he wasn't pissed. Bush, Sr. and Jimmy Carter were intellectually gifted guys, who were not only decent, honorable human beings...they also ran for president to do good.  And, of course, these do-gooders are the only two elected one term presidents in the last fifty years. The last president to be elected while he was pissed off, in a first term election...was Ronald Reagan.

And, why was Ronald Reagan pissed? Partly, because for eight years, mainstream republicans called him, "another Barry Goldwater". And, mainly...because a smart group of guys told RWR that he wasn't the only one who was pissed..."The whole country is just as pissed as you are, Ron. We can make that work. You don't even have to be pissed about the same stuff. Trust us, Governor...You tap into being pissed, and we'll have fifty million people telling thirty million people to suck a whole bag of dicks on their way into and out of the voting booth".

So...why won't Rick Santarium quit the race and spend time with his dying 4 year old daughter? Why won't Michele Botchmann acknowledge that even the State of Minnesota would secede before Rick Perry's Texas, if she simply became the nominee? Why did Herman Cain think that 40 years of serial adultery wouldn't stand in the way of his ascension to Bill Clinton status? What could possibly possess Jon Huntsman to believe that a moderate could be nominated by a party who would like to see him suck a whole bag of dicks? Why would the only deposed former Speaker of the House, who was fined $300,000 on his way out the door after he resigned, who has played the role of Bill Clinton and Herman Cain, also for decades...who divorced a cancer-riddled wife while she was hospitalized, in order to marry his mistress who he later cheated on in his congressional office while he was slamming Clinton for the same conduct (pause for deep breath here)...think the 70,000,000 people he will need to have forget all of this...will? Why does Ron Paul want to bang his tiny head against the wall of death one, more, time...at an age older than John McCain, who everyone said was already too old to win? Most importantly, why is anyone paying any attention to Donald J. Trump?

Because these guys are pissed. And, because this country hasn't been so pissed off generally that it was willing to tell anyone to suck a whole bag of dicks...since 1980. And, a whole bag of "republican strategists" have put two and two together for absolutely no one who should even be permitted to have their name on a ballot.

Are you taking notes Mitt?

Monday, December 5, 2011

Are We Having Fun Yet?

If your name is Herman or Gloria Cain, a simple "No" will suffice. I have serious mixed emotions about the Herman Cain Affair. I say that with no pun intended. Had my intent been otherwise, I would have indicated mixed emotions about the whole host of Herman Cain "Affairs". And, I would clearly have indicated that I was speaking, "tongue in cheek"...my own tongue AND cheek, of course.

I open the very first blog entry of this the 2012 presidential primary season with a commentary that is in part designed to more than insightfully illustrate the absurd, while very hopefully and simultaneously touching on topics which have the capacity to impact the most serious aspects of the nation we inhabit and the world in which we must necessarily function and exist.

It is my purpose to educate, opine and comment, all the while seeking to inspire unity, weed out the blivets of "B.S." by exposing them for what they truly are, providing quantifiable and qualitative resources where necessary and/or appropriate...and inspiring readers to not simply criticize one Party or another, or the candidates who present themselves for scrutiny, unless their assertions or stated positions demonstrate themselves to be worthy of the kind of rant which made the 2008 version of Thoughts at 3AM the highest rated and most watched political blog on MySpace, and the cornerstone of the now defunct ProgressivePolitico.com.

Let the games begin.

Wow! It was just over four years ago when I started covering the 2008 race. Credit was still available whether you needed it or not. Alan Greenspan was still a genius. Dick Cheney hadn't shot any of his friends in the face...that we knew of, and Rupert Murdoch was repeatedly instructing the MySpace Editorial Staff to edit my submissions without asking my permission, or even telling me that something I had written contained just enough truth to be deemed offensive.

Now, the country has been through the collapse of the financial sector, loss of more jobs than anyone at the Department of Labor has been able to accurately (or truly independently) even count, the permanent departure of corporate entities or brands which were part of the "Mom & Apple Pie" America that had been intact for as far back as the oldest living American could remember or had experienced.

We've been through radical real property devaluations, record unemployment, home foreclosures at historic levels and an unrest within the forty-eight contiguous states which has not been witnessed since anti-war sentiments were openly expressed in the early 1970's.

We've seen extensions of the Patriot Act, the flooding of the economy with federal stimulus dollars, the extension of armed conflicts around the world, and the reasoned, rationale and logical fear that the further degradation of the world financial circumstance and the likelihood of additional U.S. military involvements in multiple theaters will bring even greater instability to the managed chaos which our leaders are called upon to somehow wrangle on a daily basis.

We have congressional super committees which are pretty mediocre, a health care plan that a majority voted for and even they hate, which won't actually go into  effect fully until everyone who voted for or against it is either out of office or dead, but which has already increased insurance premiums by an average of nearly seventy percent, tax increases on autopilot, complete and total gridlock and almost as many people camping out in NYC and elsewhere, as it took to overthrow six Middle Eastern governments.

Virtually everyone who has put pen to paper or fingertip to composite plastic to address the "how, why or when" associated with where we find ourselves today would point to a person or persons who are "all good," subsequently identify the "all bad" or "spawn of Satan crowd," seek to establish the endpoint to their personal "good old days," and then proclaim, as if handed to them on stone tablets, that you really can go home again...but that there is one and only one route. All other roads, quite naturally lead to "Hell-in-a-Handbasket," or Topeka, Kansas.

Excuse the somewhat random blazing of my personal Lewis & Clark Trail. Once we get to the Nuts & Dolts of our year-long discussion (pun intended), I pledge to you, on pain of a third colonoscopy, that you might even recommend that Bernie Sanders and Dick Shelby join Gary Sinise and me at one of Malibu's finer coffee brewing establishments, where together we can solve all the world's problems...once we figure out who's buying, and whether the expenditure is revenue neutral or a budget-buster from the word go.


Last little bit of history in this entry...


There are obvious differences between covering the 2008 campaign and the current 12 ring circus. In the last go-round, the Incumbent was a two term republican, and while there were a few horses in that race, the pattern was in place and in the end, most people who have lived through a few decades worth of republican primary battles figured out pretty early on who would end up carrying the flag.


On the democratic side...quite a different story. First of all, HIllary was in the race. She was "in it to win it." It didn't matter that she was the single most polarizing democratic personality since, oh...I don't know...her husband. But...Hilary had a few things going for her, like...more money than you could send to Iraq in two dozen tractor trailers. (We never actually found those trailers that went missing in Iraq. Did we...Mrs. Clinton.)


A political blogger never forgets the day he got his first death threat. From a democratic campaign, no less.


Add to Hillary, the first viable black candidate that no one thought was really viable at all until it was too late...the thought to be anointed John Edwards, Joe Biden, Dennis Kucinich, some crazy guy from Iowa who had been a senator but was out of politics since 1826, and the proverbial "cast of thousands" who either couldn't get into the debates, couldn't get a question if they did get invited, or was named "Richardson" and shamed out of the race, "a la" Herman Cane. Well, not "exactly" but...


On the republican side...you had Senator "Bo" and Governor "Ring"...and until Senator Insane realized that he couldn't excite a pole dancer with a trunk load of Jimmy Chu's...and felt compelled to take on a pole dancer and actually buy her a trunk load of Jimmy Chu's...republican presidential politics in 2008 was about as rib-ticklin' as watching Carrot Top mime his way out of a commercial front-loading washing machine during the spin cycle. Let me know if I should have used a better analogy. For some reason, no matter how many times I proofread this, the thought of Scott going round and round..and the, well...it was funny to me anyway.


I realize the world does NOT have all day to spend on memory lane, especially since there is so much happening right now...this time on the republican side. Herman was in. Then he was out. Then he was in. Ginger White couldn't believe her itty-bitty disclosure cost him both his chance at greatness AND the opportunity to sell more of his book than I sold of my last effort. After all, she was was sure he was Too Big To Fail. What is a Newt..really? Does Rick Santorum actually believe anything he says? More importantly, what the hell does he actually say? Will Ron Paul ever NOT suffer from a crisis of relevance? Which Mitt will show up to any given debate? How many jobs did Bain Capital actually create...outside of Mumbai? Who is "Walter"? Why won't the RNC allow Gary Johnson to play in the sandbox? And, who are the seriously fringe candidates that you never hear about...other than Governor Huntsman?


The best way to start the process will be to shed my previously tie-dye progressive frock, and morph into..."Middle of the Road Man"! Able to provide clear, concise, and humorous but completely true accounts of who the players are, how each plays "their game," and what we all might be able to anticipate should any of these extremely competent, grand bastions of all things worldly and leader, manage to bring down Fred G. Sanford's burgeoning empire.


MOST IMPORTANTLY...please take note, especially if you are a compensated attack dog employed by any campaign, interest group, formal association dedicated to the practice of either thuggery OR especially buggery...


SOME PORTIONS OF EACH AND EVERY POSTING WILL...I repeat WILL USE HUMOR, HYPERBOLE FOR THE PURPOSE OF EXAMPLE, VARIOUS OVER, UNDER AND OTHER RELEVANT TONES WHICH MIGHT NOT BE EMPLOYED BY OTHER BLOGGERS COVERING THIS OR ANY OTHER TOPIC, AND/OR WHICH THOSE WHO HAVE HAD THEIR SENSE OF HUMOR SURGICALLY REMOVED AT BIRTH...just might not appreciate.


We regret any inconvenience that may be caused by having the unmitigated gaul to even suggest that there just might be a extra fine line between contemporary American political dysfunction...and ah...dysfunction.


Thank you.


Seeya tomorrow.


Billy V.