Just when you think that the stories proclaiming the impending coronation of Willard Hu-BAIN Romney could contain an element of truth...the floodates of potentially significant endorsements operate to teach even the most confident of pundits not to make their move too,soon.
On the same day Mitt Romney saw a recent poll declare him to have increaed his reported lead to nearly 20 points...Rick Santorum received the endorsement of the 150 high level ministers, who met yesterday at a private ranch in Texas.
Not only did Santorum, a Catholic, secure the endorsement of a group of ministers who have routinely referred to the Catholic church as "a cult," but within minutes of the announcement...cars in church parking lots all over South Carolina were being peppered with anti-gay paraphernalia...suggesting that Romney might just be the illegitimate love child of Rosie O'Donnell and Rock Hudson.
In case that wasn't enough to keep your mind off of the blasphamous act which saw God teach Tim Tebow the meaning of the word respect, AND...what happens to you when you show up at the prayer window AGAIN...knowing that you've had three lifetime's worth of miracles already...Ron Paul showed up at Mike Chuckleberry's party with bruises on both arms from all the shots in them that he received yesterday.
While Newt was confirming the cancellation of reservations in Florida and across the nation...and trying to figure out how on the Hell he'll explain things to Shelly Adelman, Ron Paul was picking up the Tea Party Endorsrment and winning the Texas Straw Poll.
Where do I start?
The Santorum Endorsement, by the Evangelicals was downplayed...because the group failed to vote to pressure any of the other candidates to get out of the race. It was too late to help Tricky Ricky in South Carolina. Rank & File Evangelicals will ignore the endorsement because Santorum isn't a real Christian...He's Catholic. These are the Chuckleberry crowd...and Mikey C. is lobbying hard to climb on the Willard Wagon as his Ambassador to Fiji.
On the other hand, as I mentioned, within hours of the announcement, and again today, church parking lots all over the Palmetto State were blistered with "Romney is a Homo" materials. Also, in the Texas Straw Poll...an ousted senator from a Northern State, kicked the living crap out of the guy who has been the sitting governor of Margaritville for the last eleven years.
M'kay...so Rick Dubyah Perry hasn't blazed much of a trail anywhere else, but...Carry On My Wayward Son, for God's sake. This is Texas. Yes, it's a Straw Poll...and Michele Bachmann can explain the insignificant nature of those results to cab drivers, bartenders, paid escorts, and anyone else compensated to care.
However...this wasn't Ioway...this was a state that actually matters. And...yes, Ron Paul is also a favorite son. But...only in his congressional district, as opposed to the entire state.
So, was Sen. Sanatarium aided in Texas, by the Evangelical Endorsement...which was made after a meeting which took place at a Texas ranch? Would those Flyers suggesting that Mitt packs a mean box of fudge, have gone out when they did, or at all?
And, if Santorum was, is, our will get votes out of the deal...where do they come from, if no one else gets forced out of the race? More on that in a moment.
As to Mitt...Does he really have a 20 point lead? Did he, before the events of the weekend? What is the real value in trotting out two guys who will die considering their lives to have been failures...because they couldn't get elected president themselves? Was that REALLY Mike Chuckleberry on his knees in Gov. Romney's Green Room? And, if so...why? Did he not get the memo from Gary Bauer?
As to Ron Paul...What its the real value of a Tea Party Endorsement today? Does a straw poll win even in Texas, mean anything? What happened since the previous South Carolina poll results where Ron Paul was climbing to within striking distance of Mitt the Inevitable?
As to Willard Hu-BAIN Romney...Have the old liners really won? Already? Do we really have to care about paying both attention and homage to the likes of Mitch McConnell, Little Johnny Boner, and the collection of halitosis-laden, hair on their hands, steaming mounds of ambulatory monkey-donkey shit?
For the answers to these and other burning questions of the universe...AND, AS USUAL...the very first definitive call of the South Carolina Results...
See me back here...in about 4 hours.
I have to go to my own church, to see if my failure to support Tricky Ricky...will have me tossed out, tattoooo'd, tarred...feathered, AND, forced to return my key to The Pearly Gates.