Wednesday, January 11, 2012

The Morning After...Perfection, Part Deux

About last night...

The vast majority of the known commodities in the commentating industry have already officially abandoned the Gingrinch-coined phrase, "Mitt the Moderate" and are six deep in line at the take-a-number machine outside the copyright office looking for first dibs on, "Mitt the Inevitable".

Like a great hockey coach once told me..."Play the puck, not the man, Numb Nuts". Hey, it was cold, and...it was so much easier to play the man, lose the game...quickly...and get in where I would once again have some feeling in...I think you get the picture.

Playing the puck, hitting a curve ball, adopting parents that will support you in you bid to become a professional drummer. These things are not easy tasks.

Neither is finding your way behind the curtain, or shroud of American politics...and then recognizing who is pulling the strings, or why virtually nothing is as it seems.

A year ago...the republican party was seen as the Packers, Saints or Patriots. Today, every primary turns into a Raiders - Chargers game.

Nobody really wants to win...and in the end, the final score doesn't matter anyway...because to actually win anything, you still have to go play Barack Brees, Aaron Biden or some other competitive alliteration, on their home field and where your career record is 0 & Every Time You've Played Them.

If people were "shocked" and "in awe" when Insane McCain trashed the neighboring State's Governor in the 2008 New Hampshire Primary...

...Why, in 2012...does a 39% performance by the same guy, in a "Post-Citizen's United" universe...going up against a tripartite ideological cluster-fart as the republicans are today...and where at least one of the "partites" has 54 people trying to lay hands on the mantle of leadership...all of a sudden turn the person nobody really wants, into the saviour that not even the immortal Kenneth Starr can do without?

M'kay...that was a long sentence. Take a breath and follow me on this for a minute.

Money talks. Or, at least it did before August of 2008.

And, by all accounts, Mitt of the Magic Underwear, has a bank vault full of it. Money, I mean...and a whole host of "United Citizens" who have there own branches, of different banks, of course...which even though he can't lawfully have anything to do with...hasn't stopped those patriotic 'Mercans from exercising their recently deemed consitutional rights, in a manner befitting their personal and professional bona fides.

Translation: George Bush, Sr., Chris Chunky, and the "establishment" republicans couldn't be more FOR Willard Mitt. They don't care what size or color of underwears he wears, or whether he can still wave his wand without a leg up from the good people at Pfizer. There is only one semi-non-maniacal "establishment guy" on the field at the moment. Ergo, henceforth and begrudgingly...he's their guy.

Does it hurt that he ran companies, fired Americans, LOVED DOING IT, sent jobs overseas, and won't release his tax returns because...well, you can't bitch about a top tax bracket of 35 percent, when 100 % of your income is taxed at only 15 %...and even then, you pay no taxes at all?

Hell, no.

It doesn't even matter that you were for abortion before you were against it, instituted the precursor for national health insurance before you were against it, fired people before you hired them...and then lied about it...avoided military service before you wanted to bomb Iran, aren't the right religion, repeatedly raised taxes as a governor, favored gay rights before you opposed gay rights, or...recently had a vision where Joseph Smith personally handed you Golden Tablets and a new set of operating instructions.

For God's Sake...THE SAME PEOPLE WHO ENDORSED JOHN McCAIN...AND NOT MITT...IN 2008...ARE ALL ON THE WILLARD WAGON.

What is different about Mitt, today?

Nothing.

No one can predict which Mitt will show up when, as President, the abortion bill, the prayer in school bill, the gay rights bill, the gun control bill, the tax bill, or ALMOST any other bill will arrive on his desk.

On the other hand...

When the bill to regulate banks, investment houses, and venture vultures gets through the Congress...THOSE bills will be PRE-SIGNED.

And, isn't that really all that matters?

To all who suggest that Mitt really IS "the Inevitable," I say this...

If Jeb Bush entered the race tomorrow. If Chris Chunky entered the race tomorrow. If Ronald Reagan Ronald Reagan Ronald Reagan...or even Michael Reagan entered the race tomorrow. If Mary Matalin entered the race tomorrow...Mitt Romney couldn't finish FIFTH in a four person primary.

Wow! That's the guy I want going up against the Master Debater.

We'll get back to last night, in Part III, right after a little more Oral Surgery on your humble correspondent. Let's just note for now, that there IS a reason why at this moment, anyway...the establishment republicans DO WANT their house divided...and it is NOT because they crave Mitt Romney at the top of the ticket...

...because they don't.

On the other hand...they have a MUCH BIGGER PROBLEM. And, if they don't cut the head off of THAT PROBLEM...and FAST...

...they won't BE "the republican establishment" in 2016, when two dozen of "their own kind" would otherwise be dukin' it out to run against Rahm Emanuel.

I SWEAR...we'll finish New Hampshire, break down South Carolina...and Gil it up a bit more in the process.

Seeya in a few.

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