Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Oh, It's Gonna Be Fun Today.

Rick Perry lost the first election of his life. More appropriately, Rick Perry ran for the first time, in a state where English was the first language of the electorate, and live brainwave activity was a requirement to register to vote.

As a consequence, Rick Dubyah was smert-nuff ta figger dat there was no real value in spendin' a million dollars per percentage point in each of these here fitty states. That jes be thowin' good money after bad, on a candidate that's otherwise, oh, I don't know...fullasheet.

Alas, poor Little Ricky...we got to know ya toooooo well.

Having said that...they's tin percent of Ioway, and the rest of the Solid South that will have to go back and look at the directions to see who they spose ya vote fer...onct Ricky gits thu "reassessessessin' the proper course".

Translation?

"Hey, Herman Cain...Kin yew fax me a copy of them fancy papers yew had ta send ta Warshinton ta suspind yer campaign?"

Assuming, as we legitimately may...that half of Rick Dubyah's votes in Ioway, would have gone to The Rick who has yet to reassessessess anything...and half to The resident Lizard...turned pitbull...Santorum pulls away from Romney in last night-s vote...and Newtie becomes viable in his own right all over again.

On to Michele Bachmann.

M'kay...so none of us believed her "onward and downward," march of the lemmings, never give up never give in...post Iowa debacle "victory speech" last night.

I, on the other hand, had the advantage of having a Minn-e-sprang Translator on my television set...which allowed me to hear what Michele really told her fans.

Translation...

"Are you d'in KIDDING ME? It's the middle of winter...and if you toss my batshit crazy ass now...I'll end up in MINUS 55 DEGREES, POLE DANCING ON A STOVE PIPE IN AN ICE FISHING HUT, SOMEWHERE IN THE LAND TIME FORGOT...when I could be telling stories in South CAR-O-LINA...and FLORIDA! HELLO?

And...all it took to change her "mind"...was one phone call...from Sarah Palin...who of course...isn't running for president?

M'kay...drop THAT five percent of circus ticket purchasers on my friend Mr. Santorum...and Mittsky is starting to look like he may need to join Rick Dubyah in the reassessessessment teepee. At the very least...the combination of Perry and Bachmann exiting...and Newt planning to pin the tail on the Romney...make South Carolina the perfect storm that the far right had hoped to use in their effort to disembowel "The Massachusetts Moderate".

As for New Hampshire...the Huntsman Factor is still as of yet undetermined in impact. Likewise, there is an element of truth to the fact that Santorum is NOT a Mike Chukleberry southerner, looking to bring his "y'allgame" to the Ivy League. No...this is NOT to say that Ricky Pittsburgh would out-blaze Mike Chuckleberry on the current version of the SAT. However...Santorum won't have nearly the trouble that Huckabee had in get northeasterners to relate to him.

This is quite clearly the reason why Mitt will be wrapping John McCain in the Magic Underwear today...and trotting him out for the big New Hampshire endorsement.

Now...here is why I love and hate politics.

In 2000...the Bush Machine spent millions, branding John McCain as a Crazed Lunatic, former POW, who went NUTS in captivity, and who could destroy the world because if his short fuse.

In 2008...Bush and THE SAME GUYS WHO WROTE THOSE HIT PIECES AGAINST McCain...ENDORSED HIM.

In 2008...Insane McCain...went to New Hampshire AND CALLED MITT ROMNEY EVERY UNSPEAKABLE THING THAT HE COULD ACTUALLY CONVINCE TO COME OUT OF HIS OWN MOUTH.

Today...McCain tells the same people he previously told that Romney SUCKS...that Mitt is now...THE BEST THAT WE HAVE TO OFFER.

Ya gotta love it...and hate it.

But...again, I ask...what does it all mean?  It means that if Huntsman makes more sense than Mitt...Santorum becomes a perceived viable conservative option...Palin waits til South Carolina to with definitively get out of the race, again...or tease her hoards with the prospect of political suicide, AGAIN...Newt goes Nuclear...

WOW! Book me on the next flight to Dixville Notch and LET THE GAMES BEGIN. Eight votes notwithstanding...I'm STILL sticking to the position that the first four republican states go to 4 different candidates...even though I'm staring the upside of success in the face until at least this time next week.

I will be evaluating all dat today...and laying it on the line again, tonight...with the First in the Nation call of the New Hampshire results...EVEN BEFORE Newt kind his first cruise missile into Romneyville.

Time to make the doughnuts.

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