Thursday, January 12, 2012

South Carolina, Friend...or Fiend?

Yesterday, I promised to finally address South Carolina.

Like so many other insignificant but aesthetically pleasing locations in the United States, locals tend to routinely overestimate, and thus proclaim a level if interest which they would want anyone outside of East Nowhereville to actually possess.

South Carolina republicans rattle on about no candidate becoming president without winning a South Carolina primary.

M'kay...no one ever became Pope without first being a priest. And, we know how THAT turned out. No one has ever become a serial killer who didn't take a first life. No one dies of aids, lung cancer, jumping out of a plane or whizzing on the electric fence...without taking Step 1, on the road to ill-advised, hazardous, or downright stupid behavior.

My point is...in reality, some of the documented worst presidents in the history of the nation...have won the South Carolina republican primary.

Does that make the winner a bad person? Or, does it mean that South Carolinians wouldn't recognize a Douche Bag if it lived under the sink in their very own bathroom? Couldn't detect even so much as the asshole that is covered by their own tighty-whities? Are unable to distinguish the Bird in their hand, from the George Dubyah Bush.

I HOPE...you get the point.

In truth, because many republican candidates have bought into the bullshit...South Carolina has become the mother's womb of dirty tricks. The breeding ground, training table, and Gold's Gym of how to lie, cheat, and steal your way to the White House...where, all of a sudden, the God you professed allegiance to with your fingers crossed while campaigning in South Carolina's churches...will mystically re-enter your active consciousness...and guide your path for the four or eight years you spend banging interns in their oval orifice.

Ah...yeah! South Carolina...where in 2000, the old line republican establishment, fearing "Maverick McCain"...spent MILLIONS...conspiring with Karl Rove to turn an American Hero and former POW...into "Insane McCain".

And, because it worked, they won...and kept that REALLY IMPORTANT string of South Carolina republucan primary victories by future presidents alive...nobody in South Carolina cared one bit about destroying the reputation of a hero, in support of a drunken, coke abuser whose family connections kept him pretending to show up at Reserve weekends in Alabama, while real Americans were dying in Viet Nam...and where the Hero they were trashing had spent five years rotting in a hole.

And, they smiled at each other and were proud of the man they helped "win"...but took no credit later, when the same fool nearly brought down the credibility and bona fides of a nation which was our stock in trade for over two centuries...and absent one "victory" in a South Carolina Primary...stood to be our legacy.

Thank the HELL out of you, South Carolina. You guys rock!

Not.

And, what did you do eight years later?

You got right in behind the Insane McCain THAT YOU CREATED...declared that he was cured, applauded the batshit crazy selection that he made for a VP nominee...

...and then wondered why he couldn't win an election against a man who hadn't served half of one term in a National office.

Now...in 2012...at least some segment of the South Carolina republican organization is conspiring AGAIN with old line psycho republicans of death FROM HELL...to get in behind the guy they said only FOUR years ago, was un-Christian, un-republican, and un...ELECTABLE.

Even the Tea Party Governor...who is about as Massachusetts Moderate as the neo-cons who lied us into what will turn out to be another Hundred Years War AT BEST...was one of the first GameCOCKS to grab a set of pom-poms, hike up her skirt and proclaim, "I'm for YOU, Willard Mitt...you BEAST of a Man...South Carolina and I are ALLLLLLL YOURS."

Short break in the action for a very important meeting. Stop back in 90 minutes, for the REAL THREAT South Carolina poses...

...TO MITT ROMNEY.

No comments:

Post a Comment