Thursday, January 12, 2012

South Carolina...Where "The Inevitable" Go To Die.

It's not that even an untrained ape couldn't understand why wagons are circling the Willard Encampment at a speed which would tickle the fancy of Danica Patrick.

We noted yesterday, that outside of Ron Paul...Willard Mitt is the only other person in the current crop of candidates who might manage to suck out a D- on an independently administered Rohrshach Test.

Package that with his willingness to sell his soul to vindicate his father (Holy Crap! I just realized where I've seen this movie before!)...AND, the old guard's need to even remotely control their own ongoing destiny...

...and Mitt turns out to be the best man that nobody once wanted, but ya now just can't live without.

Ah...in the words of the immortal Lt. Frank Columbia...

...'scuse me. Just a couple more questions.

Does anyone understand that Mr. Mitt was declared inevitable after winning, at best...TWELVE DELEGATES.

OR, that Mr. Mitt has, and again, I'm sayin' at best...a THREE DELEGATE ADVANTAGE of the good Doc with the mild manner?

Or, that in the State of South Carolina, where Mr. Mitt is formally endorsed by the Governor...the combined poll numbers of the three, self-proclaimed "God Candidates" beats Mr. Mitt by a wider margin than he beat the good Doc, up in the State next to the State where HE was the governor? (Even, and I mean no disrespect) in the poll most favorable to Mr. Mitt.

Or, that these numbers are, ah...before the first of the $5 Million Dollars in attack ads has a chance to take effect?

Have we forgot...that Bob Jones, and the gaggle of both big city and country cornpone church choirs have all belted out a rousing chorus of, "Damn That Mormon Cult...DAMN Them All, Straight To Hell!" at SOME POINT, or weekly...since, well...FOREVER?

SO...is Willard REALLY, Mitt the Inevitable?

Or...is he being lead down the primrose path to being labled "Mitt the Un-Christian"..."Mitt the Moderate"...or Joseph Smith FORBID..."MITT THE Un-Electable"?

There is more than a slight chance that regardless of what Nikki Haley wants voters to do, whatever voters suggest they may or will do...the TRUTH may be...that if God was as into this election as was relayed by the FOUR DIFFERENT REPUBLICANS HE ALLEGEDLY TOLD THAT THEY WERE GOING TO WIN...

...God might just show up in every voting booth in South Carolina to remind every South Carolina voter...that mail addressed to "Joseph Smith, Heaven"...has been routinely marked "NOT DELIVERABLE AS ADDRESSED"...

...since June 27, 1844!

Don't get me wrong. Rube, his wife, and cousins Bubba and Gomer...might not move mountains for Ron Paul. After all, the powers that be have declared him "out there" for 16 years and four primary cycles...so it's gotta be true.

On the other hand...when it's just you and The Holy Trinity in the privacy of your crowded little voting booth...and God is putting some major stank on Mitt's Mentor...well, it doesn't take the greatest police lieutenant in the history of the gumshoe, to detect a little chink in the armor of inevitability.

Hey...hold on there, smart guy. Yesterday you said "Mitt was a shoe-in". the old line is both saving their ass, AND ripping the Teabaggers a new one all at the same time".

Ah...but I ALSO SAID..."nothing, is ever as it seems".

Here comes the preliminary call on South Carolina...which I will reserve the right to amend, if it appears as though the weekend ad barrage is moving mountains, changing hearts and or mind (pun intended)...or alternatively...doing more of what the old guard is now praying TO JOSEPH SMITH directly for...because,of course, their letters have also been returned.

Mr. Inevitable does NO BETTER than 25%. Where that lands him in the final tally...I'll let you know Monday.

Could Mitt "win" is a split-Christian vote? Technically speaking...not impossible. However, if the negative shotgun media blast catches any vital organ...once again, he could be staring a 3rd, or even a 4th place finish square in his immovable hair and perfect teeth.

As crazy as it truly does sound...even with a split-Christian vote, Newt OR Tricky Ricky Sanatarium COULD not only pull out a win, but...again depending on the ad blitz...might result in all of that "Inevitable" paraphernalia being shipped back to the warehouse for a few weeks while the old guard call in a box of much more valuable markers in the Sunshine State.

The key for Mitt and his unlikely band of newfound minions, in South Carolina is NOT to win by 16, nor even 6 points. The keys to success for Willard and the Good ol' Boys...are to continue the divide and conquer strategy until they don't need it any longer...and, to demonstrate to the anti-Mitt crowd IN THE REST OF THE SOLID SOUTH...that you CAN vote for Mitt of the Magic Underwear...WITHOUT IT COSTING YOU, YOUR SOUL...

...or preventing YOUR mail from being signed for by St. Peter...if you happen to be getting in a quick nine holes at the Country Club on Cloud 9 when the Postal Angel happens by.

And rest assured...dirty tricks, marriages between cousins, Jim DeMint, and more military bases than 7-Elevens, being aside...

...it's still South Carolina.

This WILL BE a much bigger nail biter for Mr. Mitt...than New Hampshire, or even Iowa.

Make no mistake about...Mitt and the old liners could lose the war, even by winning the next battle.

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