Yes, it's yet another manic Monday. And, what a Monday it is?
John Voight and the Governor of Puerto Rico endorsed Mitt Romney over the weekend. George Will continued to beat the drum for the 19th Century Wing of "The Three Faces of Abe" which we sometimes refer to as "The Republican Party".
Oh, yeah...and the combined Romney & Romney Super PAC effort dropped a whopping $14 MILLION DOLLARS, buying TV time...IN A SINGLE STATE...in a Primary Contest!
Newt not only mastered the fine art of whining like the sniveling little bitch that he's probably always been...but, to simultaneously re-write even more of his own history, and drop about another fifteen points behind Herman Cain.
No, wait...Herman Cain endorsed Newt this weekend.
Well, THANK GOD FOR THAT!
The Herman Carton endorsement
sparked a whole host of additional Gingrich endorsements.
Since the Cain endorsement, Newt had also received a thumbs up from Kobe Bryant, Dominique Strauss-Kahn, Mary Kay Letourneau, the Estate of Wilt Chamberlain...and Seattle Slew.
More on the two-person Shootout at the Little Havana Corral in a moment.
For now, however, it is important to update the point total in our Who's The Biggest Political Whore Contest.
Romney offering Statehood to Puerto Rico was yet another BOLD INITIATIVE on Mitt's part. Romney, if elected would be only THE 19th PRESIDENT, SINCE WOODROW WILSON...to support Statehood for Puerto Rico.
And, that would be EVERY ELECTED PRESIDENT, SINCE WILSON.
Score about 9,000 points on "The Whoreboard" in the Romney Column.
Now, that kind of an infusion could have clinched the title for Romney...HOWEVER, I think by now we all realize...that Newt simply isn't going to accept anything less than being beheaded by Nancy Reagan, as evidence that the end is here.
So...what do you do on the last weekend of a primary election, to make it to the top of The Whoreboard, when winning the actual popular vote or any delegates is no longer an issue?
You proclaim yourself to be the one candidate in the race TO THE POLITICAL RIGHT OF RONALD REAGAN AND BASHAR al-ASSAD.
And then...in support of that notion...you adopt and utilize as your new CAMPAIGN THEME SONG...a downright GANGSTA' RAP RHYME...entitled, "Hoot for Newt".
Something tells me that Newt's "right wing base"...in Conservative Gwinnett County, Georgia...You know, the guys in the pick-up trucks with the gun racks and Rebel flags?
Well....I'm guessing them there fellas have finally figured out what "WTF" means.
Damn, "Newt Doggy-Dog"...you keep bustin' rhymes and yo' be bringin' some serious thug love to "C to the A-List-a"...prolly in dat nasty badonkdonk she be boastin'.
You a badass, My Brotha.
For God's Sake, Newt...SARAH PALIN WOULDN'T EVEN BLAST A RAP TUNE...while pretending to have a CLUE as to how to properly "RAISE THE ROOF"...
...and she's SLEPT WITH BLACK MEN!
On the other hand...it does get you, well...there's really no number that goes that high. So, let's just say that you get...ONE MORE POINT THAN MITT on the Florida Whoreboard...
...no matter WHAT Mitt does, or who he does it to, or for what, how long or how many times between now and Tuesday Night.
I was going to get back to George Will, Bob Dole, my friend Ashley Lewis...and praise, pray for, and then disembowel Rick Santorum...but...
...let's make this a THREE POSTING MONDAY!
Seeya back in a few hours!