Friday, January 6, 2012

What's In a Name...and Other Stories.

On Wednesday of this week, hot on the heels of a clear mandate in Iowa, Willard Romney trotted out the inimitable John McCain...who was proud to retract all of the really nasty things and even nastier names he had used to refer to Mr. Mittens only four years ago...and endorse WillMitt as the most qualified republican to assume the Office of the President.

Apparently...on Thursday (a mere one day later in human years, but an eon...or ion, when you have A.L.S.) McCain opted to not only retract his endorsement of The Mitt, Mitt Mittster...opting instead to stay the course and encourage the citizens of the "Great State of South Carolina" (P.S...8 of my 10 fingertips demanded put in those quotation marks, or else they would refuse to continue) to rally around "President Barack Obama"...who would them be able to "turn the country around".

M'kay...McCain is like a thousand over the hill/under the sod athletes, etc., who hang around an extra game, year, or decade embarrassing themselves and destroying whatever legacy they had just to show primarily themselves that "they still got it".

Or...John McCain is everything that Karl Rove told South Carolinians...over a decade ago...that he was/is, up to and including the part about him being, ah..."nuts".

We report...you decide.

Oh sure, you say...pick on the 106 year old for a meaningless slip of the tongue. And, under many plausible scenarios...and given my penchant for incorporating often single strands of sarcasm while spinning a political yarn...one could reasonably conclude that I was suggesting yet another good gut-thrusting guffaw...at John Boy's expense.

Others might even suggest that I was going for the cheap, exceptionally easy, and borderline talentless utilization of the mentally challenged, for my own benefit...in a complete and thoroughly anti-Christian manner. After all..."What if he were YOUR Great, Great, Great Grandfather?"

Well...let me summarily dispatch that urban legend by making it clear that if EITHER, Johnny Wackadoo was MY GGG-F, or, I was running for President and saw value in the endorsement of a dinosaur who once claimed that I raped sheep for fun and frolic...I would at the very least check his Depends and administer a little electro-shock therapy before wheeling the man out in public.

Ya see...in this case, it wasn't the "slip of the tongue" that made the McCain endorsement of President Obama, all that The White House had hoped for, and oh so much more. It was the fact that while Johnny Incontinent was continuing to further embarrass himself...and The Mighty Mitt, by referring to "Clemson's great victory on the gridiron"...it took none other than the Governor of South Carolina, to finally feel it necessary to actually lay hands on Johnny Memory Lapse...and remind him that he was supposed to tell the Gaggle of Gamecocks to pull a lever for Miles Park Romney's Great Grandson.

And, oh by the way...Clemson University...who Johnny Oops had referred to as having had a "great victory on the gridiron"...LOST its Orange Bowl football game THE NIGHT BEFORE...to the University of West Virginia...by a score of 70 (uh-huh...SEVENTY) to 33. And, uh...for the record and in the interest of total transparency...the 70 points scored against Clemson, by WVU...BROKE THE ORANGE BOWL RECORD for points scored...AGAINST ANYBODY.

The Clemson faux pas...wasnt even attempted to be corrected...by the Governor, or anyone else. A spokesperson for Johnny Foot-in-Mouth would later suggest that Senator McDuck was making a JOKE about the Clemson "success" on the gridiron...and that he had been fully aware of the fact that Clemson had recently suffered the worst defeat in the history of the Orange Bowl Classic.

Ah...nice try on the Clemson "fix," Senator Quackenbush...BUT...if you had even s.o much as a single clue as to how the world works outside of your seven houses, private plane or in "that place" where the nice men in the white coats wipe your drool away before the little red light goes on...you would know that YOU DON'T JOKE ABOUT A COLLEGE FOOTBALL TEAM GETTING THEIR ASS KICKED...IN THE STATE THAT THE KICKEES CALL "HOME"!

So...why does any it all of this matter?

To say that Miles Park Romney's Great Grandson is grasping at straws, at a time when at least 25% of the republican party is begging at least another 26% to buy into the whole united we stand thing...is kinda like Clemson Head Coach, Dabo Swinney telling his team, "We can still win this thing"...when down by FORTY-SEVEN POINTS...with 30 seconds to play.

Some so-called "advisor" in Romney World...sold The Boss on the fact that rolling out yet another totally meaningless attaboy, from a tired, old WASHINTON INSIDER...who the hard right can't stand anyway...would somehow all of a sudden turn Rupert Murdoch and James Dobson into the newest members of "Romney Forever".

I'm guessing THAT "Advisor" will be looking for work, ASAP. I hear there's a coaching job open at Clemson.

But wait...there's more.

Of course, there's more. There's ALWAYS more.

Romney was pleased to get out of Iowa with what he could call a win. He supposedly won by 8 votes. Then an Iowa vote counter claimed O'Romney had been credited 20 votes by mistake. Then, Santorum said he knew that 21 notes had improperly shown up in his own tally...making the Romney margin of victory NINE even after the adjustments...IF...those two errors were the only errors...blah, Blah...BLAH.

Either way...going into New Hampshire, a state where Senator McCheese SMOKED the Mittster in 2008...Team Romney felt they could capitalize on whatever gas Johnny McNuts had left in the horse drawn carriage.

Never mind the fact that McCain said terrible things about Romney IN THE LAST ELECTION CYCLE.

Never mind that McScrewUMitt BY-PASSED Romney on the way to buying a hot red leather mini-skirt for HIS CHOICE for VP.

And...what NO ONE ELSE HAS REPORTED...

Never mind the fact that ON VALENTINES DAY, 2008...when Mitt Romney ATTEMPTED to endorse John McCain...McCain "POLITELY REFUSED" EVEN TO ACCEPT AN ENDORSEMENT FROM ROMNEY.

M'kay...so this is the first time ANY politician has REFUSED ANY ENDORSEMENT from any other politician. So what?

So now you know...that Willard Romney...thinks so little of his chances of success...that he will beg for the endorsement, of a Dead Man Walking...who can't remember who he is on the stage to endorse...who has absolutely no knowledge of who he is, where he is, nor can comprehend anything of any importance to the people he is speaking to...but is completely comfortable in whoring himself out TO A GUY WHOSE ENDORSEMENT HE REFUSED TO ACCEPT ONLY FOUR YEARS AGO...just so the little red light will stay on.

Dear President Obama,

Please send me the list of places you have gone, where they have the best doggie doo-doo to step in...as well as a compilation of the things you say to God in prayer...because you are either the single luckiest human being on the face of the earth...or most assuredly, "The Chosen One".

Sincerely,

Billy Valentine

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