Oh yeah. Nothing reminds us how much we love our God Save The Queen, Rule Britannia, Mom, Apple Pie & Charge Up San Juan Hill bullshit heritage...than the Congressional Sargeant-at-Arms announcing to half a room that wishes he was dead, that The President of the United States is about to bore the living shit out of them for ninety minutes...before some other asshole takes a good thirty minutes to repeatedly utter no more than the phrase, "BE AFRAID, PEOPLE...BE VERY AFRAID!"
An excellent friend of mine called me two minutes into the republican response to the mythical State of the Union Address. He was out of his mind happy because, "THE OLD OBAMA IS BACK".
He was, of course, also prepared to rip the arms off of Mitch Daniels and beat him to death with them because, "THOSE DAMN REPUBLICANS...ALL THEY WANT TO DO IS STAND IN THE WAY AND SCARE PEOPLE".
Let's be honest with each other FOR ONCE!
BREAK THE RULE...
PUT THE PARTISANSHIP ASIDE, TAKE OFF THE DONKEY T-SHIRT AND THAT STUPID FUCKING BASEBALL CAP WITH THE ELEPHANT TRUNK ON IT...AND PAY ATTENTION FOR FIVE MINUTES.
1. The Old Obama isn't back.
He never left. Yes, they gave him a new set of batteries, put a nice new rolled up sock in his new Italian suit pants, spun him around three times and made him watch a four hour compilation of Rob Schneider scenes which remind the president, "You can DOOOO IT!"
2. Mitch Daniels barking about pipeline jobs which range from 10,000 to 240,000...and which would make us energy self sufficient, cure cancer and reduce gas prices by $3.00 per gallon yesterday...EVEN THOUGH IT WILL TAKE 12 FUCKING YEARS TO BUILD...is no different than any Democratic response to every republican State of the Union Fantasy, where democrats suggested that Nixon, Ford, Reagan, Bush, Bush, and the Next Bush, will gut Social Security, re-institute slavery...eat your baby and impregnate your dog.
The State of the Union Address made all the sense in the world...IN 1804...WHEN RIDERS ON HORSEBACK TOOK COPIES OF THE DAMN SPEECH AND DELIVERED THEM TO "PARTS UNKNOWN" SO PEOPLE WHO DIDN'T KNOW THAT WASHINGTON EXISTED...COULD HEAR TELL ABOUT THE FUCKING THEY WERE GOING TO GET BEFORE THE NEXT WINTER WAS OVER.
However...in 2012...when 356 twenty-four hour news stations, in languages from English to Pig Latin...have hidden cameras in every government office, library, and restroom...when 8,000 paparazzi have 22,000 sources, EACH...and when Chinese, North Korean, Pakistani, Iranian, Venezuelan, and Rupert Murdoch Agents can smell a new waft of governmental bullshit while it's still a plate of Yankee Pot Roast at the Dubliner Restaurant on Capitol Hill...
...the State of the Union Address in it's current form only makes sense if you staple a unicorn on the president's forehead, give him back legs and require him to sing The Sun Will Come Out Tomorrow...while introducing people you don't know, don't care to know, and who three years later will lose their presidential photo when their double-wide gets swept away by a fire, flood, Tar-Nayda, or other fucking natural disaster in some area no rational bastard would ever want to live in, anyway.
Six pieces of legislation pass last session...five of which either re-named Post Offices or created National Projectile Diarrhea Day...and ANY AMERICAN should give a shit about THREE HOURS of BOTH SIDES giving a preview of how each is going to tell you, IN NOVEMBER 2012...how the other side has been fucking you SINCE GEORGE WASHINGTON SPORTED HIS FIRST SET OF WOODEN TEETH?
GIVE ME A FUCKING BREAK!
Look...it's really, HONESTLY...very simple.
To my republican friends...
NO ONE IS ON YOUR SIDE.
To my democratic friends...
NO ONE IS ON YOUR SIDE.
To my friends who have prayed openly for 3rd, 4th & 5th Parties.
NO ONE WILL EVER BE ON YOUR SIDE.
I'm not saying the system is broken, but...
THE SYSTEM IS BROKEN!
I'm certainly not saying it can't be repaired, but...
IT CAN'T BE REPAIRED!
What I am saying is...
If you continue to buy into their bullshit. If you continue to put any faith at all, in anything you hear at a public address which lost every ounce of its purpose and meaning, once Mr. Magnavox invented the fucking television set and Al Gore perfected the internet...
...you will end up with a choice between a progressive democrat who is losing his far-left base TO RON PAUL...and a Fat Lizard who not only somehow manages to con girls out of their skirts, casino magnates out of their millions and trailer park toe-heads out of their votes...but, who also has the Pope thinking that he gives a rat's ass about ANYBODY...and, of course...never misses a Klan Meeting in Cumming, Ga...on Georgia Highway #9, at the Old Mr. Swiss Ice Cream Store...just outside the district he represented...until he was forced to resign in lieu of getting fucking indicted by a federal grand jury.
Holy Shit...pass the fucking Tylenol!