Tuesday, February 21, 2012

The Audacity of Dope...And Other Stories

Before I even begin...please join me in welcoming Stephen Colbert back to the airwaves. God Bless and be with you, your Mother and your family as you go through these trying times. You will prevail.

In terms of the ongoing goings on in the political spectrum...I'm not a person who is easily impressed by many politicians. On the other hand, in this election cycle, I can honestly say I've been the victim of more than a couple drive-by "Shock & Awes"...and even a few more "F'in Guffaws" at the hands of the current crop of Boyz to Men who would be King.

Take Newt for example...

Even before his victory in South Carolina, he was calling for others to get out of the race. After his one and only win of this primary season...he essentially demanded that Rick Sanitarium "Get Out" of the competition, in a voice that sounded eerily like that of the possessed house from "The Amityville Horror".

The Fat Lizard has renewed this invitation to Santorum several times since then...even as Tricky Ricky has become "that ass that Newt now requires a spyglass to identify off in the distance".

Far be it from Newt however, to be in anyway bound by the reality which dictates the reactions of any rational human being. Newt now not only continues to suggest that the time is right for Santorum to get out...but also suggests that if "Gov. Romney doesn't win his Home State of Michigan...he should get out, too".

This, of course...coming from the guy who started out last week calling the three other remaining candidates "Chickens" for not debating him IN HIS HOME STATE...and proclaiming he would not only crush them in Georgia...but also bitch-slap them in reverse alphabetical order, while filming himself abusing the adult female members of their respective families.

Then...Rick Santorum played to an even bigger crowd than Newt...at First Redeemer Church in Cumming, GA...IN THE CONGRESSIONAL DISTRICT WHICH NEWT REPRESENTED FOR TWO DECADES.

Now...Newt says, "Hey...that stuff I said about Romney...not winning his HOME STATE being a reason to quit...well, none of that applies to me".

Just like the Newt, Newt, Newtster. One set of rules for the rest of the planet...no rules at all when it comes to you and that fifth dimension that you routinely reconfirm that only you have access to...and none of us  could ever comprehend or even appreciate.

On a note which I've yet to determine the Ironic Character thereof...Rick Santorum continues to sound so much more like Newt  in certain respects...that I'm pretty sure his visit to First  Redeemer Church  in Cumming, Georgia...might have been in part a search for a nice piece of property on which to build a home in Newtieville, "Where life is wonderful ALL THE TIME,"  where rules don't apply, and where, "They're Coming To Take Me Away...Haha, Hoho, Hehe.".

In the last few weeks, Santorum...a possessor of the benefit of the finest health care insurance that taxpayer funds could ever secure on his behalf...declares that every American should be responsible for paying "ONE HUNDRED PERCENT" of their own medical expenses. A notion made even more interesting by the fact that even his own largest financial backers have and are making it the standard operating procedure of their own businesses, to turn full-time jobs into part-time jobs...so as to avoid purchasing, or even partially contributing toward health care benefits for their employees.

Santorum has also indicated that he opposes all forms of pre-natal care, on the wildly misguided theory that pre-natal care promotes abortion.

Tell that to the countless thousands of families who, as a direct result of knowing the challenges being faced by their unborn children...have benefited by the early detection and even, God forgive me...treatment with so-called "orphan drugs" whose application may be intended for literally only TENS of people worldwide...and whose existence WOULDN'T...without the knowledge and understanding gained by exactly the type and kind of treatment protocol which Sanitarium would declared unlawful.

Tricky Ricky wants to eliminate public education because, well... HIS KIDS DID FINE WITHOUT IT.

Funny...that kinda sounds like the way in which Warren Jeffs justified home-schooling the kids in his polygamist compound, as well.

Santorum would also spend less time trying to get more kids into college, too. This because, as he indicates..."Colleges is where them utes is bein' indoctrinated against all things God, war and apple freakin'pie!"

I guess this is also why the Rickster would kill the college loan program.

So you see...you don't even have to get to pages 9 to 300 when you Google Santorum anymore, to realize that he's gonna love living in Newtieville.

That stuff he said about gay marriage leading to "man on dog love" and guys wanting  to "marry inanimate objects...such as the  Eiffel Tower"...

That's old news.

Just keep your ears peeled. Ricky, and his wife who slept with and was, under Pennsylvania law, the common law wife OF THE DOCTOR WHO FIRST SLAPPED HER ASS WHEN SHE WAS SIX SECONDS OLD...his home schooled kids...who quit college to join a campaign that (mini successes aside) has absolutely NO CHANCE to succeed, well, let's just say...

If past performance is any indicator of future successes...this crew will be banging out new and even more wildly irrational, if not diagnostically insane ideas which will keep the Google catalogers busy until the year 2525.

Now...having said that, and looking at the total non-existence of a legitimate candidate within the current republican ranks; I would posit a simple theory, by asking an even more basic question.

Is it my imagination...or, does Rick Santorum sound EXACTLY like each and EVERY republican attack dog Vice as presidential candidate since at least Richard Nixon...was ordered to sound like?

Sure, Ronald Reagan Ronald Reagan Ronald Reagan, didn't NEED an attack dog (since his other 5 personalities were an entire attack dog litter)...but...look at the rest.

Spiro T. Agnew
Nelson Rockefeller
Bob Dole
Dan Quayle
Jack Kemp
Dick Cheney
Sarah Palin

I mean...you couldn't really expect Rick Santorum to stand up to Barack Obama in a debate. In fact...before the cuttin' was done the only parts that wouldn't be bloody would be the soles of the crazy man's feet.

On the other hand...watching Joe Biden and Tricky Ricky trying to pull each other's sweaters over their heads while they were just WAILING on one another...WOW!

I went to a Vice-Presidential Debate...AND A HOCKEY GAME BROKE OUT!

Do ya feel me, Jeb?

Thanks, and have a GREAT week!

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