Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Hurry, Hurry, Hurry...This 3-Ringer Ain't Done Yet

How many times can you say "Wow" in a race that "Mitt the Magnanimous" swears to his Mormon God is O-ver...and still have the word have meaning?

Well...at least one more, anyway.

Is it possible? Was this another "Manic Monday"...and no one thought enough to send me "The Memo"?

Apparently so.

Why not start with Newt? Because you know, how I love opening a Posting with someone, something, or both, which take BATSHIT CRAZY to yet another seemingly physiologically impossible height.

Yeah, yeah, yeah...Newt renewed his call for Santorum to get out of the race and throw his Sanitarium Support to The Fat Lizard. This time, however...Tricky Ricky responded with a heightened call for Newt to get out, followed up by tv ads, essentially suggesting that Newt and his "Moon Colony" were both in need of some form of emergency medical attention.

Simultaneous to Newt's acknowledgment that he has no real hope of any significant success in either of today's caucuses, or the Non-Binding Missouri Primary (where he isn't on the ballot)...and his decision to no longer fight to get onto the Virginia ballot...AND, his primary financial backer extending the right hand of fellowship to "Mitt the Magnanimous"...The Fat Lizard turned back time and re-invented himself, AGAIN!

FOR GOD'S SAKE, NEWT!

Change your name to "Newt McFly," have some of your Chinese Business-pal Buddies build you a stretch DeLorean SUV that you and your Moon-Pie cheeks and 29 chins can call home...get that sucker up to 88 miles per hour, and do it right this time.

You talk about UN-MITIGATED GALL?

In case you didn't know...virtually anyone can sign themselves into the website "Wikipedia". Once signed in...virtually anybody can write anything they want, about anything or anybody...and, it doesn't even have to be true.

Wikipedia then gives others the ability to "correct" things that they feel are incorrect. And, RARELY do the Wikipedia Monitors ever get involved in asking people to stop lying about either themselves, OR whoever they happen to be writing about.

Until Monday, February 6th, 2012...

...when after all of a sudden A MULTITUDE of Newt's past sins were erased BY HIS CAMPAIGN STAFF...

...THE COMPLETE ELIMINATION OF ALL REFERENCES TO NEWT'S TWO PREVIOUS WIVES...and, oh, by the way, the at least tacit suggestion that Callista (better known by her porn name "Tiffany Washington") IS NEWT'S FIRST AND ONLY WIFE.

It was at that point that the Wikipedia Monitors said, "WHOA...NEWT. If Tiffany is your one and only...then...where did you get those two darling daughters who can't WAIT to throw EITHER OF YOUR EX-WIVES (one of which is THEIR ACTUAL MOTHER) under THE FREAKING SPACE SHUTTLE on a daily basis?

And, if you can't muster up enough power to fix it all with the DeLorean...just call Tommy Lee Jones. He'a a conservative republican. And, chances are he kept one of those little flashy things from the set of Men in Black.

I mean...at LEAST wipe our memory away before you recreate yourself, again...BY ELIMINATING VERIFIED ASPECTS OF YOUR LIFE THAT THE ENTIRE WORLD HAS HEARD YOU, YOURSELF ADDRESS...MORE THAN ONCE.

Longtime retired Nebraska Senator James Exon once said, "Never underestimate the ignorance of the Average American Voter".

McNewt...YOU have not only made your fellow republican MORE than proud. You've taken the "Exon Corollary" to a place that not even its original author could have ever imagined possible.
I believe even crusty old Jimmy Exon would call that level...(say it with me now...)

Batshit crazy.

Newt also got some interesting advice from David Frum, former speechwriter to George W. Bush. PS...I like you, my Canadian Brother, but I continue to hope you are able to deny authorship of any and all entries on the 5,263 GWB "Blooper Reels".

Frum suggested that Newt's best move at current, would be to bow out of the race "gracefully" (AS THOUGH NEWT AND "GRACEFUL" HAD EVER EVEN MET...) wait for
"Mitt the Magnanimous" to be consumed by Obaman Flames...and then remind conservatives that you can't send a Moderate to do a Batshit Crazies' job.

This, according to Frum...would then establish The Fat Lizard as a frontrunner in 2016...giving McNewt an additional four years to amend his Wikipedia listing, which would proudly proclaim  his having NO WIVES, and that McNewt was responsible for everything from the Pasteurization Process, to single-handedly cramming the ice pick into Comrade Leon Trotsky's eye in Mexico City IN 1940.

Wow! A communist-killing, humanist, scientist...with no ex-wives and no "eight year whore".

We might just all vote for you then, Newtie. Maybe...You could even change YOUR NAME?
Maybe...POPE JOHN PAUL, II?

You wouldn't even have to change HIS Wikipedia Page.

But...as in the case of most things involving the RNC...none of the events of this Manic Monday can, or should be seen as independent events.

Frum tells Newt to get out. He suggests that Newt could somehow use getting out to prep himself for 2016.

(Programmed LIE from On High.)

At the same time... "Mitt the Magnanimous" who is now so presumptive that he isn't taking any questions from ANYONE at campaign stops (can't put your foot in a closed mouth)...has stopped spending money to slam Newt...but is concerned about Red Flag Warnings resulting from an increase in the strength of the Santa Torum Winds.

And why would THE SELF-PROCLAIMED NOMINEE OF THE PARTY...be worried about anything Tricky Ricky said now? After a dismal last place finish in that game-ending Nevada Caucus?

Because, while David Frum (a George Bush Butt Buddy) was telling Newt to get out...Bill Bennett, former advisor to republicans going back as far as Woodrow Wilson (and, ps...Butt Buddy to, among others, JEB & GEORGE BUSH, SR.)...was calling on conservatives to consider solidifying...behind Rick Santorum.

Oh...and, while most mainstream commentators were calling for Romney & Santorum to be duking it out in both caucuses...and suggesting Santorum "might just win Missouri"...they were failing to tell you that a) while Santorum & Romney were having rallies on Monday in Church basements across Minnesota...RON PAUL...had his closing event in the 3,393 Seat, Minneapolis Convention Center...and b) Santorum won Iowa...Iowa borders Missouri...AND, BOTH STATES WENT SOLID FOR MIKE CHUCKLEBERRY IN 2008.

PS...the Missouri Primary IS Non-Binding. Henceforth, ergo and consequently...once the RNC decides whether it will kill "Mitt the Magnanimous" on its own...or wait for Obama to do the job, only then, will we know if those Missouri delegates will land in the Sanitarium...OR...form the basis of a beautiful relationship at the Official kickoff of Jeb - Santorum 2012?

Come on...tell me that you don't see an even more Batshit Crazy conservative version of Joe Biden...hiding underneath that gay sweater vest?

Happy Tuesday, Peeps & Tweeps!

Buckle up, tight... This Circus ain't leavin' Town anytime soon.

As always, THANK YOU for clicking on ads when you read this Blog. It really doesn't cost you more than a minute of time..keeps decent food in the dog dish, and...keeps me off the streets, IF ya know what I mean.
Please contunue to enjoy the jokes, acquire the knowledge...and click the ads.

Peace!

No comments:

Post a Comment