That my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character...
I had a dream today...
CUT! CUT! TAKE FIVE. Nah, make it TEN. I got some folks real confused. And, I refuse to obfuscate, especially when I can resonate, permeate, and even intellectually and linguistically impregnate.
PS...that last part is just a figure of speech. I would NEVER invite you to resonate or permeate with me unless at least three forms of "protection" made sure you didn't actually wake up the next morning feeling either as though you'd made a terrible, horrible, ungodly error in judgement...or worse yet; that you'd been "used".
In support of that notion, my Brothers and Sisters, I did have a Dream. But, I also have a confession to make.
Not only was my Dream NOT about the color of anyone's skin; but my for little children weren't even in it. And, truth be told...they're not even little anymore. And, since we' re being so totally honest at the moment...my Dream actually started with Chris Tucker pretending to SOUND LIKE the immortal, Martin Luther King, at a craps table on the opening night of the Red Dragon Casino in the film Rush Hour 157.
Okay, so it was more like Rush Hour 3. Point BEING...if you're going to get anything out of this...you can't be so "married to three FACTS!"
This is politics we're talking, my Brothers (used hereafter to include Sisters, Parents, Cousins of the type & kind you can't legally bed down*, pets*, former supervisors, and individuals I neither like or would ever even contemplate inviting too a Super Bowl Party)...
...so don't expect me to tell you my Dream...about POLITICS...if you're gonna tie me to some silly ass PIPE DREAM...where I'm actually forced to consider FACTS!
Now that we have THAT cleared up...
I had a dream.
In my dream, there was this really strange day.
A Fat Lizard, who was walking upright...had been trying to convince me that he wasn't a thief, a con lizard, or hadn't just found Jesus for 17th most convenient time in his reptilian existence. He kept telling me that I wasn't reading him right. He was a Lizard Historian...and no more. Certainly not a hypocritical serial adulterer, who really didn't even believe ANY of the stuff that just happened to come out of his own mouth.
And, in my dream...this Fat Lizard; he started out telling Christians that her was one of them. But, they didn't believe what came out of his mouth either. So he found some people who wanted lower taxes, and made a tv commercial where he said, "I'm not a Fat Lizard...that was just something I did when I was young and stupid. In reality...I'm just like you."
The Lower Tax People didn't believe him either.
So he found some people who ate lots of apple pie. They were probably nice people...but, they were all dressed the same way.
They were all wearing nothing...but American Flags. And, it looked like they heard the Lizard, loud and clear.
That was of course, until some "Rat Bastards" reminded the people that the "Lizard Historian" only liked the kind of Apple Pie which was MADE IN AMERICA,. And then SHIPPED OVERSEAS to be hacked up and sent home in bags that parents had to go pick up at some big building at a place called..."The Morgue," at Dover Air Force Base".
The Fat Lizard loved having his picture taken there, too. I guess maybe because all of the boxes of Apple Pies that were being delivered to Dover...were ALL also dressed in the American Flag.
But eventually, partly because the Fat Lizard had a Fat Chicken Hawk Suit in the back of his own closet...and, partly because all of the other Chicken Hawks were afraid that, well...giving things like "nuclear launch codes" to a Fat Lizard who already thought it was HE who actually PLANTED the trees in the Garden of Even...would be like putting a kid in a geometry class in high school, and expecting him not to have sex with the teacher. Marrying your teacher then being relentlessly TAUNTED by the presence of OTHER WOMEN...ON THE SAME PLANET. Showing so much good common sense...until the time that you had there affairs, become a chronic, and ultimately pathological liar, who routinely bent friends over the nearest flat surfaces...lied about who you were, what you believed in, and made it clear you would not only marry out of your species...but that you would, in fact be willing to live in the White House openly, knowing that the Men in Black might haul your "Wife" off during a State Dinner honoring the crew of the first intergalactic mission to find intelligent Lizards on a place where no one knew any of the really stupid shit you did, so there was a place you could actually retire and take your alien wife to live in peace...
Bottom line...the Flag Wavers ended up not being able to trust the Fat Lizard either.
So...what did he do?
This is where it gets really crazy.
He found lots of money, told a bunch more lies, promised more people that he would give them everything, it would cost them nothing, he would eliminate all forms if disease, reduce 100% of our debt, kill all the Muslims, gays, residents of any country with a drop of oil in the ground...oh, and build colonies on the Moon, Mars, the Fifth Ring of Saturn...and deep inside Uranus.
The Lizard said he had made many trips way, way deep in uranus, during his thirty years in Washington...and suggested that even though he was all for getting government off of your back...he was committed to drilling Uranus...until there was nothing left of it. And he didn't care how many animals were inured during the filming of THAT picture.
Okay...fast forward to the part of my dream where...after spending TENS OF MILLIONS of dollars to eradicate the Fat Lizard...one of his biggest detractors shows up "in a LINDSAY GRAHAM SUIT" (if you can believe that)...and screams, "No...don't kill the Lizard. We were wrong to say we wanted him actually dead.. We meant POLITICALLY, and...okay, perhaps a little figuratively...but not literally. Not REALLY...litera; oh just don't KILL him. We're gonna need whatever votes he can muster in the General...THEN YOU CAN KILL HIM!" ("Hey, ah...let's keep that whole, kill the Fat Lizard thing quiet for now. Okay?")
So...The Lizard Historian had been "Newtralized"...
Yet the dream got just crazier and crazier, ya see...because...the guy that Lindsay Neutered the Lizard for...was a really rich guy who thought corporations were people...who loved to fire people...wasn't concerned at all about the very poor, wore Magic Underwear, had a Mexican Father, PERSONALLY Baptized his Atheist in-law AFTER THE MAN HAD DIED...because in his religion, THAT'S OKAY...who believes Jesus isn't the Messiah, BUT HE IS SATAN'S BROTHER...and oh, by the way...he's a borderline billionaire who raids companies, takes their money is for absolutely everything before he's against it...AND...
kills domesticated HOUSE PETS! Of course, all the while promising to give everybody a job, eliminate your taxes, educate you children, kill all three Muslims, take all the oil, eliminate disease, build refrigerators in Storm Lake Iowa...and...just in case you thought Daddy Staples was more interested in REALLY getting government off of your back than he was in invading Uranus...guess again! Them very poor people that he isn't concerned about...are gonna have to live somewhere now...ain't they?
DID I LEAVE ANYTHING OUT?
I'll tell you the rest of my dream, tomorrow. That part was a complete nightmare.
In started with, IN THE SAME 24 HOUR PERIOD...
Twenty Million in TV ads, 500 radio and other commentators,, 300 politicians, and that guy who BAPTIZED HIS DEAD RELATIVE...told me they were "just like me" and cared about everybody.
Then that guy said he wasn't concerned about the very poor. The Speaker of three House said he would see the President IN HELL, before he gave ONE MORE PENNY IN AID to people losing their homes to foreclosure.
Then the guy who believes JESUS IS SATAN'S BROTHER...showed up in Sin City (obviously looking four Jesus's brother)...AND FOUND SATAN...at the Chump Hotel & Casino...where, he promptly EMBRACED THE DEVIL...AND ACCEPTED BEELZEBUB'S ENDORSEMENT.
These two men...
One man who BAPTIZED DEAD PEOPLE SO THEY CAN GET INTO HEAVEN...BUT WHO HAD NO CONCERN FOR LIVE PEOPLE WHOSE LIVES ARE ENDING BECAUSE OF THE POLICIES OF HIS PARTY...
And one man who WAS HANDED A LIFE on a silver platter, is certified Batshit, by 16 Independent Batshit Auditiors, STILL BELIEVES THE PRESIDENT IS NOT A NATURAL BORN AMERICAN...makes his living selling shit that gives Snake Oil such a bad name that the snakes won't even come out to kiss hiss ring anymore, has spent more time inside bankruptcy courts, than inside of his three wives and multiple mistresses...and whose Christmas Parties I used to be invited to...where I got to watch him treat real people...like they were things he would hire people to scrape off of his shoes.
Oh yeah...WE'RE THE BIG TENT, PARTY OF THE PEOPLE, BAY-BEE.
WE GONE' ELIMINATE DA DEBT!
WE GONE' ELIMINATE DA TAXES!
WE GONE' RECREATE DA JOBS!
WE GONE' GET YOU FED, BRED ANND SENT OFF TO BED.
WE GONE' KILL DA RADICALS, TAKE DEY EARL...AND KEEP DAT HOUSE YOU USED TO LIVE IN, NICE AND WARM.
WE GONE' GET GOVERNMENT OFF YOUR BACK COMPLETELY...UNLESS YOU GAY (you not gay, izya?)...OR GET AN UNEMPLOYMENT CHECK (just pee in that cup fer me now, willya?)...OR HAVE NEED OF ANY GOVERNMENT SERVICE AT ALL (we ain't giving this shit away, ya know?)....WANT TO ADOPT (human or caged dog...which by the way you CAN kill. At least the dog, anyway.)...and, Aw Hell Buford...YOU KNOW WHAT WE MEAN...
WE GONE' GET GET GOVERNMENT OFF OUR BACKS...
WE GONE SHOVE GOVERNMENT RIGHT UP THE ASS OF THEM FREAKING "LIBS"!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA...YOU GOTTA BE LOVIN' THAT...AIN'T YA, BUFORD.
YOU DON'T CARE THAT IT'S ALL DICK CHENEY BULLSHIT JUST USED AS A.PLOT TO PLAY ON YOUR WORST FEARS, REDUCE EVERYTHING TO THE BASEST LEVEL AND GET YOU FORGETTING ABOUT THE FACT THAT...
The Romney-Trump TICKET...which even though they won't be running mates in November...
...have been running Buddies ALL, THEIR...LIVES!
They're IN the Club, Buford...and the truth is...not only can you never be in that club...
You can't even serve them a drink or shine their shoes...
Not...because you won't.
But, because you're too damned expensive.
Mutt Romney can pay SEVENTEEN MILLION DOLLARS TO KILL ONE FAT LIZARD IN FLORIDA...
HE CAN BOAST OF HIS WORTH, LACK OF CONCERN FOR YOU...LOVE OF FIRING PEOPLE...AND JOKE ABOUT KILLING HIS PET.
He can even bullshit you into believing he ain't Trash Limbaugh, minus about 57 chins.
But...just like Newt.
He can't REALLY be something he's not.
One thing Romney doesn't do, is make mistakes of the type, kind and number, that his people keep apologizing for. You don't make those mistakes, in this life...and get where he has gotten to in life.
Mitt tells the truth.
He is those things...all of them.
And Buford...if you believe otherwise...you're gonna find out how fast YOUR Dream...and Mitt's Dream...become all if our nightmare.
* Not applicable in any state inhabited by any petson named Buford.