Alex, What is...the linguistic origin of the phrase, "Sphincter Clown"?
Well...there you have it. Try to get a few days of rest, even without the recreation. And, all you need to keep the ice bag full and the heating pad on high (obviously on different body parts) without your absence going completely noticed...is a little cooperation from Little Ricky.
But...since that's too much to ask for....let's chat about some of the why's and wherefore's that made this wekend the one that might have cost "Pope Dick the 1st"...whatever shot he may have had at getting a ticket to the big dance.
Fresh off of his 1) blowing by Romney in the National Polls, 2) creating an insurmountable lead in the Michigan Primary, and 3) turning Arizona into a real contest...(if any of it really ever took place)...Rick Santorum a) forgot how even the most conservative of catholics felt about JFK, b) reminded 18 year olds from coast-to-coast that, "The world needs ditch-diggers, too"...and c) grossly violated the axiom which suggests that sometimes...the absolute best thing in the world to either say or do...is NOTHING!
I don't exactly know how to feel about Tricky Ricky today. He can't win the nomination. He would be a reprise of Barry Goldwater's electoral vote total. He could throw the nominating convention into a megadeth-fest. Damn...if he won Michigan...you could even see Jeb give his many minions a big TWO THUMBS UP...on the Sunday Morning shows in advance of Not-so Super Tuesday.
On the other hand...if a Michigan victory wasn't absolutely traceable to drunken crossover Democrats out on a political joyride...and, Arizona was significantly closer than anyone expected...Trash Limbaugh's suggestion that the Tea Baggers are alive and well...might have to be given both credence and attention.
As it stands however...Rick Santorum, the alleged "Lead" in National Polls...and a microphone, were just too much for this blithering buffoon to manage.
What a perfect time for Sanitarium to have three days of uninterrupted Leader Status. Israel didn't bomb Iran. No one lead an assault on Assad. Somali Pirates weren't yet aware that another Italian Cruise Ship had become disabled...this time within their operating area. No other prospective republican candidate entered the race.
And...Barack Obama didn't choke on a pretzel, blow chunks on a Japanese Leader, or fall off of a stage while campaigning.
The stage was alllllllllll yours, Sen. Sanitarium.
And, what did Tricky Ricky do with it?
Rick Santorum proclaimed, asserted AND declared, that he in fact IS...JFK, but without the money, the Machine, or...Marilyn Monroe.
Translation: "That guy in Santa Monica...who wrote all of that crazy shit about me, back in December...before all these primaries got started...well, MAYBE he wasn't as crazy as even I said he was."
Optional Translation: "Okay...I can see, where some people COULD say that I'm just the most recent choice of the group of republicans who are now taking over State Party Headquarters changing WE ARE THE SEVENTY-FIVE PERCENT."
Either way...when you add the fact that the polls, the republican establishment AND the pundits under their direct control (including Trash 4 Cash Limbaugh)...did everything in their power to portray Tricky Ricky not only as the bona fide frontrunner...but also sometimes who was as psychotic as the primary election cycle is long (at least for a weekend)...that microphone in Santorum's hand was not only a lethal weapon...it was actually a bazooka with a cemented barrel and a live firing pin.
There was only one possible result...and Tricky Ricky did NOT disappoint.
Why else would you have Chris "Chunky Monkey" Christie...spend an entire weekend, NOT singing the praises of the guy HE ENDORSED...but instead, opting to remind the republican faithful in Michigan, Arizona & elsewhere...that "A Santorum victory in Michigan would result in a brokered convention".
At a critical campaign period...would LITERALLY...your HUGEST SUPPORTER, on his own...opt to stop praising YOU...and start essentially declaring you to be worthy of a vote because you are "NOT AS NUTS AS THAT OTHER SICK BASTARD"?
I have to hand it to you, Pope Dick...you went farther with fewer dollars, fewer minions, fewer reasons why anyone should ever have given you a good look in the first place...and absolutely no discernable understanding of either procedure or process.
The good news was...you did make a silk purse out of a sow's ear. Unfortunately...what you thought was the lemonade you decided to celebrate with...came from something other than lemons.
In the end...the Beltway Boys got exactly what they had been orchestrating for three years. And, Ron Paul's mythical collaboration with The Mighty Mittster had absolutely nothing to do with it.
Could you have won this nomination IF you had heard Bella's cries, gone home for the weekend and just SHUT UP?
I'm not entirely sure.
But...fortunately, or otherwise...the world will never know; as your relevance ceased to be, almost from the moment you donned the Big Boy Pants and turned in your sippy cup.
Two wins for Romney...which now are reported with far greater significance than either should have had. Mitt's 9th most important Home State...and the home state of the previous republican nominee, who had been an endorser since about January of 2009.
Wow...Mitt should have had serious trouble wining those two states.
But Tuesday evening...it will be as though he had steamrolled Newt in a 2 man romp through Georgia and Alabama.
Ya know...when you think about it...a conspiracy theorist (our a visionary) could suggest that this was part of the gameplan all along.
How & Why?
Stop back after Mitt is projected in both states...and I'll be happy to shed light on why Tricky Ricky is now the ODDS ON FAVORITE to end up a Romney Veep. (As I noted weeks BEFORE Tricky Ricky stepped on his pee pee.)