After losing the third of three primary and caucus events last night, you just KNOW this was the question that Mitt the Magnanimous wanted answered, YESTERDAY!
It just goes to show ya Mitt. You don't have to be IN the 1% to know that what you' re smelling isn't Polo, Ralph Lauren or even Versaci. Even we know that they don't give off steam, or come flying out of a bull's ass.
My God...Where to begin, tonight?
I guess the best place to start would be perhaps where no one else will.
Did Tricky Ricky Sanitarium running the table in Minnesota, Missouri and Colorado change the entire face of the 2012 republican race?
Well...since virtually every other writer is screaming, "YOU BETCHA" at the top of their internet lungs...you can probably guess that I'm not buying it.
As I've written on more than one occasion...Mitt of the Magic Underwear, is not now, nor was he ever, "The Guy".
I could have Titled this Posting, "The There Faces of Abe"...since even now, the republican party announces exactly that every time it holds another event.
Yes, Randle McMurphy Santorum did win there events. Some were a little surprising...and others which are being lauded as such, could have been predicted by Ari Fleischer...and he is either never right, or...well, a moron.
Take for example, the 55% to 25% anal expansion that Mitt endured in Missouri...which Newt not being on the ballot had (listen close)...NOTHING TO DO WITH, AT ALL.
I called this Primary for The Son of Sam Santorum...TWO MONTHS AGO.
In 2008, Mizzou went STRONG for Mike Chuckleberry. And, with Ron Paul refusing to use his time-tested faith as a calling card in this election...Missouri Christians who beat the drum for Chuckleberry, had no place to turn but to Tricky Ricky and his Mr. Rogers vestments.
Newt has been outed as a person who converted to catholicism just in time for this election...the same way he found a protestant sect, just before his first run for Congress. I guess there's just something about those orchestrated conversions to Christ that get radical right-wing gangs to congregate outside Texas prisons screaming "FRY THE GUILTY BASTARD!"
And, oh by the way, Newt...there ain't no call coming from Gov. Perry at 11:59 P.M. I know you've eaten a ton of toast in your life...so you might be able to understand that this would be a good time to start rollin' around in some melted butter. (PS...NOT a reference to how "Tiffany Washington" was first introduced to you.)
Yes, there were several big losers last night...and Newt was either #1 or 1A in that group. Shelly Adelson had already made a move to pay homage to The Mighty Mitt. Then, Newt finished 4th in Minnesota, a very near 4th in Colorado...and technically 5th in Missouri...behind the "No Preference" vote.
Sure, Newt wasn't on the ballot in Missouri, BUT...NO VOTES...is still ZERO!
Back to Albert DeSalvo Santorum.
Winning Minnesota, with more than THIRTY POINTS between he and Gov. Mormon...with Ron Paul at a very respectable nearly 30% in 2nd place, was an accomplishment worthy of note.
Romney had graced the Minnesota Very Poor with his presence, spent hard, attacked Sen. Idi Amin Santorum-Dada, AND...had the State's Governor (former presidential candidate, Tom Pawlenty) as his perpetual on the ground mouthpiece.
To be spanked not only by Bashar al- Santorum...but to have your vote total nearly doubled by Ron Paul...well, let's just say "I told ya so" on that one, too.
But even in Minnesota, if you look at nothing more than the geography...not even Mitt could have been caught completely off guard.
Where is Missouri? Southern border of Iowa. Where is Minnesota? Northern border of Iowa. Yes...Mitt did well in Iowa, too. However...that was before he loved to fire people, and let the very poor in on his true feelings about them. It was also before he kacked his puppy...and made enough other stupid statements to fill the next five election cycles.
And, oh by the way...LDS in Minnesota...is a Pizza Chain...not a religion that baptizes dead people and teaches that Jesus is the Brother of Satan.
Good luck on landing that VP gig, NOW, Gov. Pawlenty.
Colorado was the one real shocker for me. I lived in Colorado for a number of years...and with the exception of some of those Western Slopers...the place is pretty sane. Not land you would expect to yield a bumper crop of egomaniacal, jingoistic homophobes that could relate well at all to Alfred C. Packer-Santorum.
Plus...Mitt the Magnanimous is technically a pseudo-favorite son (Utah being next door)...AND, in 2008, against a much larger field...Mitt kicked butt in Colorado.
Put it together and what do you get?
The exact situation I've talked about, while virtually EVERY MSM & other commentator has made open mock of the notion.
Let's get the bottom-line on John Wayne Santorum right out in the open, asap.
This man will never be President...UNLESS...Jeb Bush miraculously defeats Barack Obama...and pulls a William Henry Harrison on us.
Ronald Reagan was an ideologue.
Ron Paul is a constitutional zealot.
Rick Sanitarium needs to be institutionalized.
As I said earlier, The Three Faces of Abe, demonstrate every week...that they can't come together. The old guard of the party didn't want Mitt. but...as they ran others at him and he fended then off...they were stuck defending him.
However, by defending Mitt...they made the other wings of the party truly hate the man...and strengthened their respective resolves in the process.
Tricky Ricky reached out to the tea party guys last night. But seriously folks...talk all he wants about lowering taxes...Rick will not be Sanitized from having to pay for the 5,280 defense, Homeland Security, and other programs HE is promising. And, my guess is...the Baggers will figure that out in time to find a 3rd Party one of their own, or follow Ron Paul, wherever he ultimately lands.
So what is the party left with?
Not enough Evangelicals to elect Santorum nationwide...
Not enough teabaggers to elect Ron Paul...
A Fat Lizard...ON A STICK!
AND...the guy with all the cash, that in reality...NONE OF THE THREE WINGS OF THE PARTY WANT ANYTHING TO DO WITH.
Blah, blah, blah...Mitt shouldn't have gone after Santorum. So what if it validated what Newt said about him. No one is listening to Newt...they hate Mitt ANYWAY...and Santorum might not win a single state if he became the nominee.
"Hello, Jeb. Yes...this IS God, calling. I need you to do something for me."
Now, when I stated writing this earlier...I got email from some pretty big names in the commenting business. Most suggested that I not give up my day job...which is making people laugh. I apparently made them laugh.
And now...with four candidates left in the race, on February 7th...
...the republican party HAS NO CANDIDATE LEFT IN THE RACE.
These two weeks between Maine and Arizona are really going to be interesting. Not for what we see and hear from the current candidates...but, from the weeping, wailing teeth, gnashing...and other unidentifiable machinations emanating from inside the RNC.
If Santorum isn't outed between now and the general election...he will be a name recognizable guy, with solid Evangelical chops (whether or not deserved)...and a pit bull the type and kind who can deal with Joe Biden in a debate.
He's from a northern industrial swing state where Obama is vulnerable. And despite losing his last statewide election in Pennsylvania...as the #2 man...all he has to do is trot out the dying daughter in RURAL PENNSYLVANIA...and he can counteract Philadelphia and likely deliver the state.
So...with JB and Rick Sirhan Sirhan, you get a popular Southern Governor, from a political dynasty, conservative enough to pull two of The Three Faces of Abe back together...
...and a package that looks dramatically different, and more believeable than ANYTHING with the name Romney in it. Who cares if the D's attack Santorum...even they would have to admit...He's no Sarah Palin...AND, them who needs a Rookie , like Marco Rubio...(no Palin risk)
You laughed at me a month ago Mr. Axelrod.
My guess is you may not be laughing now.
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