Thursday, February 23, 2012

Will The Real Master de Bator Please...GIVE IT A REST!

Thank GOD that 75%...of the 100% of the current republican presidential candidates...none of whom will be the republican NOMINEE FOR PRESIDENT...decided that it made NO SENSE to have a 101st Debate, in Newt's home district...and in the HQ city of the Consolidated Newt Network. (CNN)

Haven't we all had ENOUGH?

Why does every single thing that we try to do differently in this country end up  being done with a pendulum swing that ends up putting a freaking EYE OUT, ON BOTH FAR ENDS OF THE PENDULUM?

We wanted a SLIGHTLY CLEARER PICTURE of who the candidates were.

100 Debates into the process...

DOES  ANYONE NOT KNOW...WHO THE  ONLY REMAINING  CANDIDATE IS...WHO WON'T LOB CRUISE MISSILES INTO IRAN?

DOES ANYONE NOT KNOW THE AUTHOR OF ROMNEYCARE?

DOES ANYONE NOT KNOW WHO HAD 3 WIVES, GOT FINED, THROWN OUT OF THE HOUSE...AND HAS PRETENDED TO BE BOTH METHODIST AND CATHOLIC?

DOES ANYONE NOT KNOW WHO COULDN'T CARE LESS ABOUT THEIR DYING DAUGHTER...UNTIL SHE SHOWS UP A MINUTE LATE FOR HER CALL TIME AT A CAMPAIGN STOP?

It might, and I emphasize MIGHT be different...if this Gaggle of Hosers said ANYTHING DIFFERENT AT ANY two debates.

It MIGHT be different if ANY ONE of the B TEAM had a prayer of ACTUALLY BECOMING THE NOMINEE.

It MIGHT be different if 75% of the remaining NON-CANDIDATES  weren't so full of shit that their eyes were brown and explained their perpetual halitosis...

BUT...aside from the joy I get listening to Ron Paul... which is  tempered by the frustration I feel for him and his Band of Merry Men (& women)...I wouldn't DREAM of watching 2 MINUTES worth of this Modern Day ROMPER ROOM...unless some combination of Judy Jetson and Ellie May Clampett volunteered to throw in a sponge bath.

SO...while the rest of the Blogoshere tries to decide if ARLEN SPECTER will be the downfall of Rick Sanitarium...How about we focus on how things actually got to this point.

In the past...whenever it was determined that a sitting president was either vulnerable, or couldn't run again...double digit numbers of candidates turned out on one or both sides, to present themselves for your consideration.

Prior to the advent of the Internet, 24 hour news, and smart phones with enough memory to provide nonstop coverage of a Hundred Years War...endless candidate debates actually would have had value.

Only then...you never had endless debates, because every candidate had a 12 person RULES COMMITTEE, and it took 5 1/2 YEARS to get anybody to agree to where any debate would take place.

Networks didn't sponsor debates...and when all was said and done, there was only ever one debate, and it was conducted by, our under the auspices of "The League of Women Voters".

Now that we have 6000 debates...because some consultant told a candidate OTHER THAN NEWT..."Trust mer, the more the people SEE you...the more they will love you.

Unfortunately for members of the candidate community...what you rehearse spouting in any debate...may not be nearly as important as what you said, off the cuff...or, while your hot mike was still picking up your candid opinion regarding fried butter, the future stroke victims who consume fried butter, or how you think another candidate's wife looked in spandex.

Yes...it IS true. The more you know about someone you never met, and can only vaguely remember their freaking NAME...the easier it is to form the kind of bond that will get you to vote for them, give them money, not worry about pissing off your neighbors by blocking their pristine view with your 47 yard signs...our even become the campaign's traveling "morale booster".

However...none of those things will EVER HAPPEN...if, in the process of exciting prospective "morale boosters"...

YOU BORE THEM TO DEATH WITH BULLSHIT STORIES ABOUT ARLEN SPECTER...THAT HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO BEARING...ON ANYTHING!

Here is why this year's debates have virtually guaranteed that the sitting president will still be sitting this time next year...and beyond.

1. "Candidates" like Herman Cain, Rick Perry and Michele Bachman...were flat out JOKES! These Ass Clowns would have done more for their "careers" by doing 5 minutes at an Open Mike at the Unurban Cafe in Santa Monica on a Thursday or Sunday night.

Not only did they take time away from Jon Huntsman...who probably was the best candidate the republican party HAD...but, they also kept Buddy Roemer & Gary Johnson off the stage entirely.

Michele Bachmann is Sarah Palin with a brain & without a leather mini. NEITHER OF WHICH GAVE HER ANY RIGHT TO PARTICIPATE IN 57 DEBATES!

Herman Cain knew HOW MANY "CAINETTES" CALLED HIS CLOSET "HOME". However...since narcissists, BY DEFINITION...don't care about anything other than how many times they get to splay their own face across the airwaves...or splay  various waves across the faces of new Cainette Applicants...Herman Cain wasn't getting out of that race until the seeing eye dog blabbed about who did what, to the three blind mice.

And, to again quote Karl Rove...

"Rick Perry is an idiot".

2. Rick Santorum...who would have been included in #1, above...but for the fact that he wouldn't last FIVE SECONDS on any stage at any Open Mike night...anywhere.

To literally even allow Santorum to debate ONCE...gave him credibility that even now, he thinks he somehow deserves. SO WHAT that spent a week as the frontrunner. EVERYONE DID! AND, SANTORUM HAD TO WAIT IN LINE BEHIND BACHMANN & CAIN TO DO IT.

If Pawlenty & Huntsman were still around, I'd bet MY GOOD EYE they would still get their shot.

Oh...and by the way...100 years of Chicago Cub Fans STRENUOUSLY OBJECT to the media Hanging the "SANTO" tag around RICK SANATARIUM'S NECK.  Ron Santo could not only hit the curveball, BUT...WOULD HAVE MADE A MUCH BETTER PRESIDENT.

3. People didn't need to know more about Newt to hate him. Reminding them 89  times...DID HOWEVER...clear up any remaining ambiguity, and dispense with the benefit of any doubt.

4.  The incessant attacks on Willard McBain ultimately forced him to respond. He wouldn't have had to respond, if there WEREN'T 100 debates.

Yes...all of that crap would have been flung at him in the General...WHERE he could have EFFECTIVELY defended against it by saying Obama was desperate, and grasping at air.

It also didn't help to offer to bet Rick Perry, grant personhood status to corporations, OR reveal that when you REALLY need a FRIEND...YOU RUIN DIRECTLY TO DONALD J. CHUMP.

The good news is, republicans got a great new campaign slogan that the ultimate nominee can utilize.

"IT'S THE ECONOMY YA F'ING REALLY POOR WHINERS! GO OUT AND GET THREE JOBS...BECAUSE FIRING YOU ONCE  JUST ISN'T ENOUGH TO GET LITTLE MITT MARCHIN'...If ya know what I mean."

Translation: Dogpiling on the Romney made him angry...And, made voters understand that...You won't like Mitt...when he's angry.

And, as it turns out...Mitt and "Angry" hookup even more frequently than Sarah Palin and 88% of the NBA.

5. Even though Ron Paul makes more and more sense during all 6 minutes of every debate which he participates in...Once you get "labeled" a wackjob...it doesn't matter HOW MANY times you run for president.

In their eyes...you'll always, be  Batshit Crazy.

So...here we are, 100 debates in...a week from Super Tuesday, and as it turns out, the smart money is now finally agreeing with what I said before  the first candidate walked out onto the first stage...

Ater ALL OF THAT DEBATING...

The REAL  2012 Nominee of the republican party...hasn't said a single word.

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