Tuesday, February 14, 2012

You Know It's A Bad Year When...

You inadvertently reveal those thoughts you occasionally have about your wife's sister, her best girl friend, and sheep...all of which you  KNOW will never REALLY be taken in PROPER context...OR...

Your political party of choice contemplates gang-raping ITSELF... by nominating Rick Santorum as its "STANDARD BEARER".

Seriously folks...and not for nothin'...but if you, or someone on your behalf, decides that Rick Ahmadinejad Santorum...and "STANDARD" should ever appear in the same HEMISPHERE...let alone the same  SENTENCE...of a NOMINATING SPEECH...well, let's just say that not only do you have some pretty  allantoid standards, but...

You might just as well nominate  Jerry Sandusky's evil twin brother...because at LEAST...HE'S already changed his name...and Googling him won't reveal quotes about "man on dog sex"...or the suggestion that gay marriage is a prelude to falling b in love with, "INANIMATE OBJECTS...SUCH AS THE EIFFEL TOWER"!

I honestly did have a lot of fun...PRETENDING to want republicans to nominate Tricky Rick Sanitarium.

I wrote really clever pieces about Ricky...and his wife who slept with the Doctor WHO HAD PREVIOUSLY DELIVERED HER...FOR EIGHT YEARS...UNTIL HE WAS A HUNDRED YEARS OLD (almost)...and up until a couple OF DAYS before she started "taking up with" The Trickster, himself.

I at least IMPLIED that there was something JUST A LITTLE BIT AS UN-NATURAL about THAT, as there was about PARADING YOUR DYING DAUGHTER OUT AS A CAMPAIGN TACTIC...even AFTER you did an interview where you said your first inclination WAS TO HATE YOUR DYING DAUGHTER...SO HER EVENTUAL DEATH WOULDN'T "BOTHER YOU AS MUCH".

But, honestly...my AMERICAN brothers and sisters OF THE REPUBLICAN PERSUASION...

...I NEVER HONESTLY WANTED YOU TO ACTUALLY NOMINATE THIS LOON.

Ya see...because even though it basically INSURES that the President will be OVERWHELMINGLY re-elected, by a majority which fails ONLY to include those states where CONSANGUINITY IS NOT A BAR TO MARRIAGE...EVEN AT THE FIRST DEGREE.

(Translation: Those States where you can...and are still encouraged to marry your own twin sister...OR brother.)

For, as much as I am concluding that Mr. Obama may be the lesser of at least THOSE twi "evils"...

The downside of the equation is...running against a total religious zealot/not even borderline sociopath such as Ricky Ahmadinejad...gives The President ABSOLUTELY NO INCENTIVE to make his own positions ANY MORE "PROGRESSIVE" than they already ARE NOT!

Running against Rick Santorum...I mean...Obama might as well be running against Pope Urban, II...who launched the First Crusade...IN THE YEAR 1088!

Could you GIVE the world's OTHER RELIGIOUS INTOLERANTS...ANY MORE REASON TO WANT TO KILL YOU?

But, as I said...and even worse...you give Mr. Obama absolutely NO REASON to be reasonable, either.

In that election, Obama wins WITHOUT the Progressive Wing of the Party...and most assuredly, without the ULTRA PROGRESSIVE portion of the nation...who can't even comfortably self-identify with the Democratic Party of Barack Obama anymore.

(Translation: Me!)

And...if he doesn't need my vote...in order to secure his re-election...

Mr. Obama is gonna make EVEN less of an effort to locate the mythical center off the political ideological spectrum...than he has done during the first three years of his Presidency.

And, under those circumstances...it isn't just some psychotic bastard whose own sexual insecurities about himself, and wondering why his hot young wife would be sleeping with her grandfather ONLY YESTERDAY...can be conveniently hidden beneath a 1700's fashionable sweatet vest.

In that case...We ALL lose.

In fact...the only way Obama runs to the left...not that he would ever actually BE LEFT-LEANING...

But, the only way he would feel the need to RUN LEFT, and at least LIE TO ME about all of the wonderful stuff that Jesus WOULD do...but Barack wouldn't...would be IF HE RAN AGAINST A MODERATE...

...such as The Mighty Mittster.

So...while you might THINK, that The Santorum Psychosis...which has temporarily blinded the republican party...so much so that a bonafide psycotic (not just a batshit crazy) is now polling atop the party, nationally...might excite me to the of going out to buy a brand new pair of "Sheep Boots" myself...in complete honesty...all it really does is make me want to find our exactly where James Cameron has already decided he will be relocating to...and take up temporary residence...

...in an ovetsized trunk.

God Bless us...one and all.

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