Thursday, March 15, 2012

Romney Takes The Lead...In The New Muppet Movie!

No...This is not a cheesy reference to Goldman Sachs executives referring to their clients as "Muppets".
This is of those times when you really do have to take a few steps back, look at your life as a whole and think..."BOY, am I glad I'm not an almost BILLIONAIRE with a God complex and a presidential fantasy."
In case you haven't noticed...and from this past month's emails...a surprising number of you have...I've gone to great lengths to eliminate "profanity" from this blog. Oh sure, there has been the "occasional" use of the classic "F-apostrophe-d" in moments when referencing something just too outrageous to be appropriately indicated using a more conventional 15th Century vernacular.
However...when you really examine not only a republican PRESIDENTIAL RACE which opened with:
2. The DECLARATION that Michele Bachmann was the first "frontrunner,"
3. The observation of a morally bankrupt and certified MORON (in 37 States, and by AT LEAST "4 out of 5 Doctors) like Herman Cain...AGAIN, having the testicals to deem himself worthy to occupy the same office which housed Washington, Jefferson, Lincoln, Roosevelt and only 44 people...EVER,
4. The assembly for discussion on a near-nightly basis...of the largest single collection of pungent, sphincter-esque expulsions, ever assembled in one room, on one stage, IN THE HISTORY OF TIME...cloaked in the guise of presidential debates...WHERE THE ONLY DEBATE WAS, "WHO IS...THE MOST COPIOUS DOUCHE BAG, FROM AMONG THIS GAGGLE OF CERTIFIED MEDICAL DEVICES?"...
I mean...
...Is there no one among us, who CAN'T SEE why Mitt had to be licking just a little more than his chops at that first Iowa Debate?
"Heck"...I'm guessing Mitt was printing tickets to the Inaugural Ball even before downing his first ten pounds of fried butter.
He probably had 7 or 8 additional First Ladies-In Waiting all lined up, and was already negotiating to replace the Goldman Sachs portion of the Cabinet...with Ex-Bainers.
And then...I remembered something.
Something my Grandfather used to say to me as a child.
Something he said to me every time I acted like there was only one possible outcome to a set of circumstances...
...when I simply could NOT BELIEVE that things didn't turn out even BETTER than I had planned, programmed and DECLARED them to be.
And, though my wonderful Grandfather has been gone for more than three decades...TO THIS DAY...when-EVER I find myself confident to the point of nirvana...there it is...
...that unmistakable voice...loud, clear, and as though God and Fred (my Grandfather) were knocking back a cold one and watching over me directly.
My guess is that Fred doesn't really WANT to say it...BUT...God is probably egging him on...
"Do it, Freddie...Say it again. C'mon, My Son...I'll...cure the common cold...Anything you want."
Same story, different cure. Either way, the next thing I best laid plans are following my life into the crapper...and the pseudo-Godlike voice of my Grandfather wants to know...
To alllllllllll of you said such nice things about not using a lot of capitals...and not using profanity...all I can say is...
B. With everything that has happened in this campaign...there is no more appropriate recipient of that admonishment, ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD...than Willard "I got my Mitt stuck in my zipper" Romney.
Trust me on this, honestly don't have to be a visionary to know or see how the world, and this country have changed since 2008. didn't START in 2008. But, it sure as "heck" crystallized. Yes, there has always been some level of polarization, politically, ideologically...and in countless other ways. To suggest otherwise would be to deny the occurrence of the Civil War, the battle of the Sexes, Lite Beer Commercials...and of course Voodoo Economics.
And...I honestly DO understand that the hardest thing to accept about ANY significant change in the way ANYTHING is THE TIMING at which the change is implemented or takes place.
"NEW"...contrary to Madison Avenue rarely "IMPROVED".
It's just new.
Human beings have a documented "natural aversion to change". We don't like it. We want to do things THE WAY WE HAVE ALWAYS DONE THEM.
In a's the essence of conservativism.
And, in this instance...we have an absolutely convoluted situation where a misguided attempt to do things...the way they've always been done...had created a serious of scenarios...liked none that any of us had ever seen before... least not in this lifetime.
There have been conflicts. Never has everyone who wanted a job, had one. There was always that one family...or two...that your church gave canned goods to...
People like Barry Goldwater and Michael Dukakis were able to get nominated. And, guys like Bill Clinton and The Shrub even got elected...twice.
But...ANYONE in 2012...who thinks that just because they have the most money, the best teeth, more Armani suits than Georgio, himself...friends who own at least their own planet, if not galaxy...197 IMMEDIATE family members to act as surrogates... No major closet skeletons rattling to get out...other than being a member of an arguable cult...
...well...why WOULD anyone else think they could beat that guy?
He was 2nd last time...AND...THAT'S THE WAY WE ALWAYS DO IT.
Mitt was "ENTITLED" to this nomination. He started working for it from the day he was born the Son of a Governor. And, when he took an ass-kicking from Insane McCain back in '08...Willard did what every republican Also-Ran had done since 1860.
He started icing down the champagne wrapped in a sheet of plastic under a sign that read, "Do NOT open until 2012"... which I can only reply...
Sure, you are NOT "a Massachussettes Moderate"...At least not by choice. have a...sense of entitlement, no clear position on any issue, you love firing people, your wife can magically drive two cars at once, you own your own plane, you don't really care about the poor, you baptize dead Jews in order to save cross-country with MAN'S BEST FRIEND strapped to the roof of your car, you sent more American Jobs to India and China than the fired and disgraced Carly don't drink or smoke...excessive skiing and chess are your only can OWN Pepsi (The Company) but, you can't drink your own product...and, oh're a member of a cult whose dogma includes the notion that Satan is the Brother of Jesus Christ...
Then WERE 2nd in the last go-round.
Hmmm...knowing what we know about the emergence of the Tea Party, the fact that Citizen's United DIDN'T ONLY APPLY TO YOU...Christians, DON'T CONSIDER MORMONS...CHRISTIANS, AND...
Please, Willie...and I wasn't easy bein' Green for Kermit the Frog. It isn't easy having to count all of your money, cars and houses. It isn't easy, what with ALL of those deceased Jews that only you can save. It isn't easy not being able to suck down a COKE ZERO on a summer day.  And GOD KNOWS...
...IT AIN'T EASY WATCHING THE TWO-HEADED DEVIL ITSELF take you apart you KNOW, and even God KNOWS...that if ever this world would SELF "F'in" DESTRUCT...
I mean...YOU have to be about a month and a half away from shooting up a Post Office.
No...wait. I got that wrong. We USED to shoot up Post Offices when we got depressed. We' ve gone on to schools and colleges...and courthouses. And, there aren't 1 or 2 families getting free food from churches...99% of families need free food. Only "Snobs" go to college anymore. Only "Sluts" go to law school". Only Ex-Governors get indicted, get reality television shows...or both...and...
I'm sorry, Mitt...but, even I have to ask...
...with EVERY OTHER ASPECT of life life as we knew it...TOTALLY CHANGED...since as recently as 2008!!!!
...and virtually the ONLY THING you had going for you being that you finished a nominating process that occurred BEFORE THE  ACTUAL CHANGE IN THE "NEW & IMPROVED" WAY WE DO THINGS, actually was introduced...
C'mon...say it with Freddie...
Not only did God give me a pass on this Posting, BUT...with any luck...He'll also send a cure for Terminal Santorum.

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Didn't You Hear Those Banjos? Run, Romney, Run!

Just when you thought that it was safe to go back into the cotton field again...

The Mighty Mittster done went and got hisseff interdoosed to da bidness end of a bailer.

That would be the very rectangular looking and obviously Mormon gentleman, with the wire wrapped around him...that them two boys is liftin' up into that truck...over yonder.


The next time someone opens a question to you, with the words, "You ain't from 'round here now, are ya?

...The proper response on your part is, "Ah...excuse me a moment, will you? I think I hear my hopes and dreams being placed in a shallow grave on the outskirts of town. I' right back." run like hell to ANY state where "reasonably proper English" is the first language of the locals...and stop pretending that "grits" are anything other than what made you piss your pants laughing when Joe Pesci and Marisa Tomei introduced you to them in a scene from, "My Cousin, Vinny".

Ya know...some of the worst things that can happen in a political campaign, happen one right after the other...when the candidate starts actually believing his own spin. And...when this does begin to happen, the one and only way to deal with it is for YOU, the get off by yourself, and start telling yourself the truth.

I like Matt Drudge, as a person...and for a decade, defended him when others questioned  his journalistic integrity. I never "blamed" him for Andrew Breitbart...or, as some referred to Andrew..."Frankendrudge". And trust pains me to acknowledge that anything either Newt, or Tricky Ricky would say, might be true. But, Drudge has been nothing less than another arm of the Romney campaign PR Machine, since Day 1.

Even up to literally, 8:01 PM,, when the polls closed in Alabama and Mississippi...Drudge updated to put Romney at 42% in Mississippi...and came as close to projecting Romney a winner, as would have been possible without actually using the word.

The out that Drudge least at that moment anyway, was that Fox, numerous others, and even Politico, had been running articles and stories all day long, which were legitimate setups to Drudge's punchline. Romney had the Governor endorsing him...Oh, wait...Didn't the Governor of South Carolina ALSO slip on a complimentary pair of the Magic Underwear in advance of the ass-kicking that Romney took in THAT state, too?

I think so.

Yeah, yeah, can say that the big story was Tricky Ricky pancaking BOTH Romney and The Fat Lizard.

You can say that the big story was exit polls showing SIXTY PERCENT of voters in the two states AGREED that Romney was "Most Electable"...and they STILL fed his ass to...who or whatever it is that eats things left in the forests, swamps and trailer parks which make up the vast majority of them there two states. (So much for math scores, and no child being left behind. It appears that at least a few southern A-dolts might wanna be more concerned about being left behind at this point.)

You could say that the manufactured frontrunner with the printing press and endless supply of black ink and green paper...can't keep calling himself the frontrunner if he keeps cashing a "Show" ticket.

You could even say that the smart thing for both mainstream and downstream media outlets to do would be to stop believing that pimping for Mitt will end the race. Or, better yet...just stop pimping for Romney.

And, you might want to say that Romney should realize that in this day and age...unless the money you are handing out, is AT the polls, TO voters, in the form of small, unmarked, non-sequential bills...the days of buying an election are farther away from the building than Elvis.

In a way, it is unbelievably comforting to see that the uproar over Citizen's United...has turned out to be far less necessary than could earlier have been perceived. I mean, it is completely correct to say that ALL Of Romney's primary wins have been the result of his "indirect" access to working capital. However...the expenditure of those funds, even in states where wins were generated...had at least as much to do with a broad spectrum of other factors which had absolutely nothing to do with did the funding, itself.

But...having said all of pundit or commentator thus far this evening or morning, has talked about some of the real keys to these two primaries...or how and what they portend to the next few months.

First...In two states where the vote was dominated by white, evangelicals...and even where the majority of THEM felt Romney was most electable...they couldn't bring themselves to pull his cult-like lever. Yes, several cable and internet outlets touched on this...BUT, not from the perspective that it re-establishes the issue of faith as a dominant negative...NOT, as the race moves to Missouri, Maryland and Illinois...but, as the party must legitimately begin to work toward settling on its compromise candidate, when no one shows up at the convention with enough swag to secure a first ballot victory.

Second...It wasn't even finishing third in these states (where he had been projected to WIN the now TOTALLY DISCREDITED "Rasmussen RAG") which should cause the most concern.

What should cause a larger concern for Romney was that he WENT AFTER these two states...especially after Rupert Rasmussen told him he could win...and got told to "talk to the grit"...BY MORE THAN SEVEN OUT OF TEN VOTERS in the combined two states.

Gingrich wants Santorum out so he can go one-on-one with Mitt. Santorum wants Gingrich out so HE can go one-on-one with Mitt.


You're the SAME CANDIDATE...with 97.326% of the SAME MESSAGE.

If there were TWELVE OF would ALREADY be going one-on-one with Mitt.

The MISTAKE that both Mitt (and the Establishment republicans), as well as the media is making is that in MANY areas of the country which are KEY to a republican victory...the votes for Santorum and Gingrich ARE NOT "Anybody But Romney" votes (as has been written about since this race started.).

THEY ARE the cries of a party that wants to brand itself as just to the "right" of Bashar al-Assad.

Better than 50% of republicans in Alabama and Mississippi primaries indicated in exit polling, that they identified as "Tea Partiers"...and Romney received NEXT TO NONE of those votes.

Still think the "Baggers" are either dead, or a non-factor?

What does it say...when the best educated and most rational of the four republican candidates for president receives FOUR and FIVE PERCENT of the vote in yesterday's primary contests?


What does it say...when the combination of a guy THE WORLD KNOWS is batshit crazy...and a guy HIS OWN COLLEAGUES KNOW has brown eyes and bad breath because he IS full of shit...end up with SEVENTY PERCENT SUPPORT?

Catholics fled Santorum in Ohio...because in reality, the Catholic BUSINESS isn't about "faith" nearly as much as it is about BUSINESS...and, because Santorum's view of the spiritual universe is significantly more "Radical Baptist"...than it is Catholic. Most Catholics I've spoken to, some in my own family...think Rick Santorum is "F'd in the head!" On the other hand...committed Evangelicals...WHO THEMSELVES see little difference between Mormons and Catholics...have embraced Santorum, while being unable to cast a vote for someone EVEN THEY DO SEE as "more electable".

I keep saying this...and one day, someone is going to have to acknowledge it.


There is only, "The Three Faces of Abe"...

And, Mitt can spend A TRILLION DOLLARS...but, unless he either hands it out at the polls, or snuffs Newt and puts the balance in the Santorum kids' college fund (which they won't need...because hey...who needs college with a trillion dollars in the bank? What do you think they are...SNOBS?)...Mitt better just hang the shingle back at Bain, and let the dream die a respectable death. (Don't feel TOO bad, Mitt...John McCain couldn't get the nomination this year, either.)

I was the first to write that the NOMINEE is not now in the race. I was the first to suggest that an Open Convention was not just a possibility...but a virtual certainty. And, with Ron Paul dropping faster than Kim Kardashian's "Friday" Panties...and Buddy Roemer gaining traction at, watch how soon the Ronulans beat feet to a location where their internet and caucus strategy might still have a chance to keep a mike in front of the Good Doctor for another eight months.

There IS a solution for The Three Faces of Abe.

They actually COULD win in November...or, rather...a reasonable, rational, logical group of individuals even remotely committed to even a FEW of the traditional republican ideological components of any platform put forward by the party since 1856...COULD re-package itself in time to be competitive.

How, you ask?

Sorry...they don't pay me enough to make THAT reveal.

My best advice to Mitt? SPEND THAT TRILLION! The economy could use it.

Best advice to Ron Paul? Don't let Buddy get too far ahead at that other party that already has $30,000,000.00 for you to play with.

Best advice to Santorum and Newtie? Just keep doin' what yer doin'.

Best advice to Barack Obama? Get the "F" out of Afghanistan. Do something to help the MILLIONS of homeowners whose mortgages ARE NOT with Fanniie or Freddie...and TRUST ME...understand this, and understand it WELL!

SIX DOLLAR GAS...WILL BE YOUR UNDOING. (Even in a one-on-one with Tricky Ricky...)

Oh...yeah...I forgot. If Romney finishes third, or even FOURTH in the Missouri Caucuses on Saturday, (even after THE THOROUGHLY DISCREDITED RASMUSSEN RAG POLL predicts another Romney win...) will the Secret Service formally change his Code Name to "Alf Landon"?

Friday, March 9, 2012

It's Official! Rush Limbaugh DOES Have A New Advertiser!

Ladies and Gentlemen, Boys and Girls...

I started running this story down late in the day yesterday. And, I have to tell you...when I first heard it, I couldn't believe it. I wouldn't believe it. I refused to believe it.

However...a few hours ago, a very good source...a solid source, within the Romney Campaign...was willing and able to confirm that Bain Capital was within hours, quite literally...of launching a brand new company...and that the new Bain-Backed entity would use The Rush Limbaugh Program and its "E-I-B Network" as the vehicle to introduce the new enterprise to the world.

Now...I have to admit...I still didn't believe it, until I managed to get my hands on an Advance Copy of the actual tape of Rush rehearsing the very first commercial spot for the Bain-Backed Company, and the Actual Copy to be used as part of the corporate kickoff.

So...since you can't actually hear the tape...but you do know "El Rushbo's" rather distinct, if not particularly dulcet tones...and you are likely familiar with his penchant for thoroughly condescending, and equally candy-assed intonations and inflections...I heartily invite and encourage you to enjoy, while being further disgusted (as I was, am, and will yet be) by the lengths to which Mitt Romney and his Wall St. Tycoon buddies...are willing to go to keep "The Majarushie" in the $50 Million Dollar a year which he has become..."ac-cus-tomed".

Direct from today's Limbaugh Show Producer's Log...

"Rush's Rant, Introducing New Advertiser".

Now Folks...You've heard an awful lot from the drive-by media, and of course the rest of the Hate America Firsters, the Soros-Backed Libs, and even most of the democraps up on the Hill...about how we, here at the E-I-B Network are losing advertisers...we're being bounced off of the air by two-bit, radio stations in East Nowhereville, New England and on a South Pacific Island where nobody actually listens, because as best as anyone can tell...either nobody lives there, or...maybe King Kamehameha had always intended the Atlantis-like location to serve as a prison colony for child molesters...and a place where people like Nancy Pelosi and Dingy Harry might like to "va--ca--sheone"...after the Tea Party, AND WE...teach them the meaning up the word respect again in just a couple of months.

Hell, I don't know...maybe there's even a "vault" located on this previously uncharted island...where the Hawaiian Secretary of State is keeping "the REAL...Barack Obama Birth Certificate" under "lock and key"

You know...the one the has the word..."Kenya" the top...right in the center...The one we'll never see until at least, January of 20---FIFTY-FIVE??? Yeah...that one.

Anyway...Folks...I'm hear to tell ya, once again...that all of these LIES that are being spread by the liberal media, the drive-bys, and of course the Soros-Supported "Oc---cupiers"...who, in reality don't know a THING about what we really do here, or have even so much as a CLUE, about what's happening inside the Hallowed Halls of...the Limbaugh Institute for Advanced Conservative complete and utter BULL.

It's crap. It's Bull. It's ridiculous. And, that's all there is to it.

What? Losing advertisers?

Folks, we're not losing advertisers. We're gaining more Patriotic, American Sponsors...DAY---LY! I could stop taking the three calls a day that I do take and flood these waves with enough conservative-generated ad Michele Bacmann back in the race...and get her elected!

But that's not why we're here today, Folks.

I'm here today to ask you a very simple question.

Are you important enough...TO not only want, but, REQUIRE that when it's time for someone to buy you a gift...or...when you decide to buy yourself a accept NOTHING BUT matter WHAT mood you happen to be in?

And now...before you answer, let me warn you...If you aren't already screaming "YES, YES, YES" loud enough for Joe Biden to hear you sixteen floors below his permanent "Un-dis-closed...location"...turn your radio off right now, cancel your subscription to the Limbaugh Letter and cast a vote for Al Franken.

I'm serious....Hell, vote for Frankenberry twice...because Folks...if you don't love yourself enough to proclaim your entitlement to greatness on an all-day...EV-ER-Y day basis... don't deserve to be here...and the rest of us don't want you around.

You're still here?

Good. I knew you would be.

Now that we completely, and thoroughly understand one another...get out a pad and pen...and write this down.

GONE TODAY------HERE TOMORROW. heard it right.


What is it, you say?

Well...nothing but the most exciting, most creative, impressive and world-altering example of Yankee ingenuity and entrepreneurial spirit and achievement since, oh, I don't know...FACEBOOK.

Yes, Folks...the good people at GONE TODAY------HERE TOMORROW have taken a concept SO...SIMPLE that I can't believe WE didn't come up with it...and perfected it...for YOUR benefit.

Let's say your looking for a new set of cuff links. An interesting and exotic conversation starter for your personal library, game room, or home...THE-A-TER...or any gift that you or others want you to have in order to tell the so-call "99%"...just how special YOU really ARE...

Oh could get something that had diamonds, or the latest gadget with a "i" in its name, or even commission a BUST of yourself to adorn every hallway, stairwell and alcove in your very hum-ble abode.

But, why would you? Welfare recipients can do the same thing under Obamacare and the Amnesty Program that'S on the horizon.

Oh yeah...Amnesty's coming, people...and I thInk you know it.

But anyway...When you want to be treated like the person you know you of the few, the proud, the Folks who made this great country all that it was under Ronald Reagan, Ronald Reagan, Ronald Reagan...AND CAN BE ONCE AGAIN...once we elect Mitt Romney...

When you want that gift for you or any of our ONE, PER---CENT PALS...

You've gotta call the SCIEN--TISTS and other brainiacs at GONE TODAY------HERE TOMORROW!

Screw those diamond cuff links. Toss 'em! Try a pair of SNAIL DARTER Cuff Links on for size! Movie posters on your theater room wall?
Hell NO! Clooney is just going to donate more of your hard earned money to feed people in Darfur...and guess what? They're going to just die tomorrow, anyway...

Just like the Snail Dater, the Snow Leopard, the Bug-Eyed Frog, the Achalas 4-Eyed Frog, the African "WILD---ASS"...and even the Bhutan Giant Flying Squirrel!

You know it, I know it, the American People know it...and frankly...there 'isn't a damn thing ANY-ONE can do to turn back the hands of time, or slow the progress of the ultimate dominance of "CIV-il-ized" beings, over 4-Eyed or "BUG-EYED frogs, Flying Squirrels and half-inch fish that serve no damned purpose other than to block construction of Oregonian Damns, and put family farmers out of business, anyway.

SO...and stay with me on this, Folks...

What the good people at GONE TODAY------HERE TOMORROW have done...FOR to, for  the very FIRST time in history CREATE an ENVIRONMENT...and I have to tell's almost GOD-LIKE, what these people have done...

They've created an environment where you CAN finally HAVE...ONE OF A KIND GIFTS.


Oh...I know what you're're going to show up at an NRA, CPAC, AIPAC or other function with your Bhutan Giant Flying Squirrel Skin Boots or your 4-Eyed Frog lapel pin...and BAM! Across the Room there's Todd Palin with the SAME AC--COO--TRE--MAH?

If you think that my friends, you'd be as wrong as Nancy Pelosi on climate change, Barack Obama on health care, or Tiger Woods on how not to get caught double and triple dipping on an open Ambien prescription.

You SEE...WHAT, THEY GONE TODAY------HERE TOMORROW is...they've bought 'em up.

ALL of 'em.

Every, Snail Darter, Snow Leopard, Giant Flying Squirrel...and 2,451 other "So---called"...en-dangered species.

Yeah! I'm not kidding ya, Folks. It's true.

And, when you place ANY ORDER from their COMPLETE catalog of Endangered Species...

...the folks at GONE TODAY------HERE TOMORROW...

...They kill off ALL BUT ONE (or the specific number of the species that YOU simply MUST HAVE...) that YOUR boots, gloves, tie pin, exotic dinner delicacy, or even bulletproof encased desk ornament or wall mount WILL BE... of a kind.

And that's not even the fun part!

Not only do they guarantee that there will be no other item like yours ANYWHERE in the world. But...if you call right now to 1-800-HISTORY. That's get free updates on additions to the endangered species list...AND...this is the one that got ME hooked...

...Order now, and GONE TODAY---HERE TOMORROW will secretly arrange to have EVERY ONE OF YOUR RADICAL LIBERAL 99% FRIENDS...and numerous members of both GREENPEACE...AND THE WORLD WILDLIFE FEDERATION...


Now...don't call yet, because as always....THERE"S STILL MORE!



When you open your package...your LIBERAL friends...and the lunatics we've lured to your property, WILL SEIZE AND Ex----PIRE...NOT ONLY BEFORE THEY GET OUT OF YOUR HOUSE (which apparently the lawyers tell me IS LEGAL)...BUT..

...WE GUARANTEE...that anybody and everybody you ever wanted to get rid of WILL BE GONE BEFORE THEY CAN GET OUT OF THE ROOM YOU ARE IN!.

How about THAT, Folks"

You get to slip on your Giant Flying Squirrel Boots...AND WATCH LIBERALS AND TREE HUGGERS DIE IN THE PROCESS...

...and it's guaranteed.

Priceless?  Well...not exactly...because...since I don't have ANY REAL COMPANIES...:like those pricks at MASTECARD, buying time on the program anymore...I'm not allowed TO SAY "PRICELESS"


Hey, Mr. Priceless...How would YOU like to see MY NEW BOOTS?

But seriously, Folks...These toys are NOT cheap...but...they're for YOU...the ONE PERCENT. They don't have to be.

So...CALL NOW! 1-800-HISTORY. That's 1-800-H-I-S-T-O-R-Y. Order your 1 of a Kind Item, TODAY...and, MOST IMPORTANTLY...

Don't just kill a 4-Eyed Frog...


We'll be right back after these 72 unpaid Public Service Announcements.

(Forgets to turn off microphone)


Thursday, March 8, 2012

Pat Robertson Chastising Rush Limbaugh? OMG! The End Really IS Near!

Just when you start believing there's no way God would destroy the world before Sarah Palin decided to make an even bigger ass out of herself "One...More...Time," by following through on her threat to launch an Open Convention bid for the republican nomination for President...

Pat Robertson delivers the clearest Message from God, at least in my lifetime...that none of us remains long for this world...and that HE has had all He can stand, and He cant' stands no more.

It's one thing for Fred Phelps to boast that "God Hates Fags," while proclaiming The Phelps Family's status as the single most dysfunctional band of emotional and spiritual child molesters since the Mother Ship dropped off the first wave of Scientologists.

You sort of grow to accept that from Freddie. His only real problem is in just not being able to articulate the position that, at least as far as Phelps understands it..."God Hates EVERYBODY!" Fags, fornicators, soldiers, elected representatives, shoe salesmen in San Francisco, an 11 year old newspaper delivery boy in New Jersey, professional athletes, and even all but one of the Mothers Against Drunk Drivers.

Yup...God Hates EVERYBODY...except of course, the 356 in-bred, toeheads who comprise the entire A to Z "Phelps" Listing in the Topeka, Kansas Phone Directory.

So...if THAT "Man of God" had spiritually circumcised Limbaugh yesterday...that would have been understood for exactly what is was; namely the senile rantings of a disbarred former personal injury lawyer who is near enough to having God personally disembowel his sorry ass, that even members of his own family can't wait for Fred "Who Protesteth WAY Too Much" Phelps, to just get the flock off of His planet.

On the other hand...Phelps has yet to chime in on the Limbaugh Implosion. Those borderline divine rantings you were hearing yesterday from "The Nut Gallery"...were the latest round of linguistic rhodium championed by the inimitable, incredible, and, oh yeah...Batshit Crazy...Reverend, Dr., Messenger for Life...and 12 Time Divinely-Mandated Presidential Candidate...Pat Robertson.

M'kay...I will advance accept the notion that St. Patrick did NOT call for "covert operatives" to infiltrate the EIB Compound in South Florida and execute a Congressionally Authorized Assassination...along the lines suggested by the same spiritual superstar when he proclaimed that even God understood that killing one strong arm dictator was acceptable as a spiritual alternative to footing the bill for a $200 Million Dollar War which was designed to achieve the same purpose.

And...lest we forget...that would, in fact, be the very same Pope Patrick von Robertson, who in recent years personally delivered these additional from you, without even the need to print up new signs for the Phelps Family to load into their 501(c)(3) eligible minivans...or a heaven-sent order to boycott Wahoo's Fish Tacos. According to our Drunken Uncle Pat...

1.  For Israeli Prime Minister Ariel Sharon suffered a massive stroke because he had engaged in discussions that might have led to PEACE in the region based on the creation of an Independent Palestinian State.

"God considers this land to be His"...and would send the same fate to any other Israeli Prime Minister who moved to divide His Land

2. "The feminist agenda encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children,  practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism, and become lesbian". Maybe THIS explains Christine O'Donnell? But then...that can't be right either because...Robertson DEFENDED "that Witch".

3. "Maybe we need a very small nuke thrown off on Foggy Bottom (in Washington, DC) to shake things up."

Oddly enough...

4. Robertson warned the entire City of Orlando, that if Disney World went through with the conduct of a "Gay Day" at the park, that the end result would either be the destruction of Orlando by impending hurricanes, OR serve as a precursor to terrorist bombings, earthquakes tornadoes, and other Hell, Fire and Brimstone events brought to you by He would Was, Is, and Ever Shall Be...for your weeping and wailing pleasure.

To clarify, Pat...that "small nuke" you spoke of in #3, above? Would that make you a terrorist? Or just another Man of the cloth holding a sign that says, "God Hates Fags"?

One last Robertson moment of clarity before completing the point of this Posting.

5. "Just like what Nazi Germany did to the Jews, so liberal America is now doing to Evangelical Christians...More terrible than anything suffered by any minority in history".

I'm guessing after reviewing exit polling data from the states of Tennessee, Oklahoma and Georgia two days ago...Mitt the Mormon might just wish that Pat was either correct, OR truly prophetic (in the very short term) in his assessment of the impending doom faced by America's Evangelicals. Either way...6 millions Jewish deaths...vs a limitation on publicly funded Nativity Scenes. DAMN THOSE LIBERALS and their eradication of live sheep from the public square at Christmas Time! DAMN YOU!

With that as the background, and serving as a proper introduction of today's featured Rush Detractor...Pat Robertson surprised even Freddie Phelps...and also bought himself a gang-haunting, currently being organized by Oral Roberts and the thankfully mortal Jerry Falwell.

Like Rush...since reporting to the world that Limbaugh's slandering of Sandra Fluke was "...a little over the top"...Robertson has already sought absolution three times. Of course, these multiple mea cuplas directed at Rush after the initial onslaught...came only after Pat threatened himself with cutting out 43 of his daily requests for donations...and Tweeting to Himself, an anonymous demand that he cancel his own 700 Club TV show, and remove it from the schedule of the CBN Network...which, by the way, he owns.

All  of a sudden...Statements 1 thru 5, above...are strangely beginning to make sense.

And, while we don't know what will happen today...we do know that the flight of Limbaugh advertisers is up to 43, as radio stations in Massachusetts and Hawaii have pulled the program from their schedules. This, as a "Dead Host Broadcasting" equates the loss of 43 advertisers and two content delivery "...a few french fries...that fall out of your bag when you go through the drive-thru".

So very rarely do those who are endowed as Gifted Communicators, truly comprehend the power which is in their words. Words have raised extraordinary children, educated an entire world, started and ended world wars, praised Higher Powers...and also paid the mortgage of more than a few false prophets.

Usually the Gifted Communicator is the first to swallow their foot...and the last to understand how something like that could ever happen.

Not even Limbaugh's harshest critics could ever deny his remarkable ability to arouse, inspire and motivate his sympathizers to action. Had Limbaugh, for even a single moment both realized and accepted the incredible obligation contained in the fine print on the receipt which accompanied his Gift...perhaps he wouldn't be weeks away from a four-alarm realization that life as he had come to know over.

And perhaps he, and we, wouldn't be twenty-eight years into a thirty year plan to polarize a nation so much so that 155 years of resolving ideological differences without donning different color uniforms, pledging allegiance to leaders in Montgomery, Alabama and Washington, DC...and killing your brother or cousin, once again seem as inevitable as Fred Phelps, Pat Robertson and a clearly desperate Rush Limbaugh making even bigger asses out of themselves every time any one of them opens their mouth.

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

The Agony of De-Romney...Yes, It IS Terminal!

I admit at the outset...Ron Paul didn't caucus as I had hoped he might. can spin last night ANY WAY you want, and you come up with one, and ONLY ONE outcome.

While the enormous winner of Not So Super Tuesday was once again, Barack Obama, the Biggest Loser was CLEARLY, Mitt Romney.

Yes...Romney did "win" Ohio by a single percentage point. Now...for the bad news...

He still lost IN OHIO, to the Gingrich - Santorum combination, BY FOURTEEN PERCENTAGE POINTS!

He couldn't muster better than a 60-40 showing IN VIRGINIA, in a head-to-head matchup WITH MOSES PAUL.

He was TRASHED in Tennessee AND Oklahoma by Santorum ALONE...and when you once again throw in the Gingrich vote...Romney is back at roughly the TWENTY-FIVE PERCENT numbers which he couldn't shake earlier in the cycle...against now a roughly SIXTY-FIVE PERCENT or MORE showing in favor of Gingrich and Santorum combined. The numbers in Georgia bear out the same levels of support.

In states where it counted...especially from a general election perspective...the religion issue shot Romney right in the ass...and The Magic Boxers couldn't stop the bullet. Exit polls in Tennessee, Georgia, and Oklahoma reaffirmed that Mormon is Mormon, is Mormon...any way you package it. And even in the home of that "MAGNIFICENT" 1% win (Ohio)...Mike DeWine WENT PUBLIC with the statement that "Ohio voters CAST RELUCTANT VOTES for Mitt Romney".

You COULD write for days about last night...if you wanted to...about what each of the ten races meant. 

However, as I noted yesterday...Massachusetts meant nothing. Virginia SHOULD have meant nothing...BUT, when you were POLLING AT SEVENTY-FIVE PERCENT against Ron Paul...and you BACKED INTO a 60% grabbing off a few more of the last 1% of the vote count...this truly is the beginning of the end.

In fact...while Ron Paul didn't WIN ANYTHING...that 40% showing in the 1 on 1 with the Poster Boy for the 1%...was about as big a win for The Open Conventioneers, as was Romney's Ohio Adventure, for himself.

Ron Paul did, what Ron Paul has done, throughout the entire race thus far. He did it with second place finishes in four states, IN FOUR REGIONS of the country. Paul re-established the notion that he actually HAS a message that resonates with enough of the republican party, that for the first of his multiple attempts at the nomination...the party will have to either incorporate his issues into the platform, or be legitimately concerned about his name appearing at the top of SOME OTHER PARTY'S TICKET, in November.

Newt...well...Newt won where he should have won...was made out to be Santorum's Bag Boy EVERYWHERE ELSE...and will now be forced to win BOTH Alabama, AND Mississippi, BIG TIME, and with big numbers...or he will be FORCED to hand the Anti-Romney baton over to Tricky Ricky. 2nd Place to Obama for the night...was Rick Santorum. Other than the 12% finish in Romneyville East...and the 17% total in Romneyville West... Santorum DOMINATED Romney, or was A) within striking distance of Mitt, and B) when packed with Gingrich...CRUSHED Mitt IN EVERY OTHER CONTEST!

Talk ALLLLLLLLL you want about the 1% Ohio "victory". The truth is...Romney will not be in a position to outspend Obama TWELVE TO ONE...ANYWHERE...including Ohio. Romney will not have an on the ground organization which dominates Obama in the way in which it dominates Santorum. Santorum COULDN'T GET ON THE BALLOT IN VIRGINIA due to organizational issues. Not even America's Asshole, Joe Arpaio...will be able to keep The President off of any ballots...anywhere.


How are you going to beat A SITTING PRESIDENT?

And, what in God's Name, would you do to this country...if you did?

Yes, every TV and other punidit not part of Fox News and not Part of the Romney Campaign spoke of the problem that last night's results showed...namely, the inability of Romney to shut the door on THREE OF THE LEAST WORTHY OPPONENTS THAT THE REPUBLICAN PARTY COULD EVER FIND.
So, I'm not saying much "new" in that sense. However...I said it yesterday, last week, last month, and at the start of this campaign.


1. He is NOT a the eyes of ANYONE, OTHER THAN OTHER MORMONS. and, as long as OTHER CHRISTIANS...see Mormonism as, yes, I'll say it...A CULT...Romney will make the Solid South as porous as it has been since before Lyndon B. Johnson introduced the Civil Rights Act of 1964. the degree...I'm not even sure that the addition of Tricky Ricky as his RomneyMate...would fix the problem entirely.

2. HE IS NOT A CONSERVATIVE. You can tell the reactionary right that you're going to put EVERY AIRCRAFT CARRIER off the shores of Iran...Obama KILLED YOU with ONE SENTENCE, just yesterday...on what was supposed to be your BIG DAY.. Romney has NO IDEA what being a Commander in Chief is all about...and the Aircraft Carrier bullshit sound bite spoke VOLUMES to that effect. You can say what you want about Barack Obama and his foreign policy, but when he speaks, about Iran, Syria, Egypt, any one of The Stan's, bin Laden, Somali PIrates (which we often forget to mention)...or any other one of the world's trouble centers...he speaks with courage, conviction, and hate it all you want...HE IS FAR MORE RESPECTED...and in some cases even far more FEARED...than George W. Bush EVER WAS. In elections, or in war, Bush shot from the hip. Obama is far, far, far more cold and calculating. And, in both of those arenas...Romney has shown himself to be a complete and total Ass Clown.

3. With the exception of those areas in which you have had to flip and flop like frying bacon in order to attempt to create a brand that doesn't exist...ROMNEY IS MORE OF A MODERATE AT THIS POINT...THAN THE "SOCIALIST" he claims occupies the White House. Andrea Mitchell's statements about Obama "FEARING" Romney...are...and please make a note of this for future reference...





Barack Obama DOES NOT FEAR SOMEONE...who, if he wanted to, he could defend against by saying..."HE'S JUST LIKE ME"...AND I HAVE THE EXPERIENCE THAT WON'T GET US ALL KILLED!

Yes...As Romney tracks far right, Obama will once again go as Populist as it takes to re-secure the Progressive wing of the Party without losing the Center, or even the Center-Right.


What Obama CAN"T this Nation, at this time, under these circumstances...would be a Santorum/Gingrich/ REAL RONALD REAGAN...who COULD RE-IGNITE "THE REAGAN DEMOCRATS...AND WHOSE WHOLE CAMPAIGN would be based on the notion that...



Santorum and Gingrich can't completely sell that idea because one of them is full of shit and the other is batshit crazy. ROMNEY can't sell it, because...THAT'S NOT WHO HE IS...AND...


...even republicans know this. republican friends...let's all enjoy KANSAS...MISSOURI...ALABAMA, MISSISSIPPI...and yes, The President's HOME STATE of Hawaii, over the next two weeks. At the end of that two weeks...let's then see how much closer Santorum and Gingrich's delegate total is to many more racing stripes adorn the Magic Boxers...and whether you still want to spend A BILLION DOLLARS on a General Election Campaign...or just throw in the towel and and offer that Billion to a privately funded deficit reduction campaign...or, maybe start a fund to help Tar-nada victims in Alabama and Indiana. At least there, you wouldn't be pissing that Billion down the drain...and it might actually result in something good coming out of it.



...the main course at your post-nomination Victory Ball...will be ROMNEY ON TOAST...

...which I guess one might say is a little redundant, even this far before that "party" is started.

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

As Always...The Results Are IN, Before The Votes Are Cast!

Chuck Todd says Romney adds 211 Delegates.

CNN, who has been selling a Romney "Near-Sweep" for nearly a week...headlines its Super Tuesday Advance Coverage with Donna Brazile suggesting that Romney might not have the kind of day that will end it for him. (Talk about a network that will say anything to keep your interest.)

And, does anyone really care what Fox News has to say...that you can't get by going directly to either the RNC OR the "Magic Underwear In Every Drawer" websites? I mean, when Church-goin', bible-thumpin, Mike Chuckleberry tells you that Mitt is the guy...even though the only people who kept him in his handful of 2008 Primaries are lined up with Tricky Ricky and think Romney is the Anti-Christ...

Well...that's your first indication that marching orders have been issued, and henceforth all calls will be monitored...for quality assurance purposes".

So where do you go to land the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth?

Not to Drudge. Santorum labeled Matt Drudge "a Romney Cheerleader and stooge". (Good catch, Rick. It wasn't like Andy Daddy was trying to hide it.)

Not to the Guardian's "Pick the Primary Results and win a ticket on The Last Train To Clarksville" Contest

Have you taken a gander at some of those "entries"? Something tells me three of the four campaigns have interns banging out entries at a rate of ten per hour...while the Gingrich campaign aides are busy trying to master that wacky new "Pong" game.

Oh...pardon the minor course deviation...but:

1. Congrats to Stenny Hoyer for reading this Blog, and giving a wider audience to my previous recommendation that Sandra Fluke SUE "The Fat Whore" on the theory that his outrageous commentary constituted Slander Per Se...and that his publishing of the same comments on his website added an additional Libel, also of the "Per Se" variety.

2. For those of you who doubted the assertion that Adam's Apple Annie Coultergeist was either an alien life form sent here to consume live brain cells...OR, a braindead twit of a media whore in her own right...perhaps you didn't see her interview earlier today where she compared and equated Andrew Breitbart...TO JOHN LENNON?

3. In response to Ted Nugent's endorsement of Mitt Romney this past weekend...Newt Gingrich announced that Joe Cocker came in through the bathroom window, endorsed Newt, had a seizure and Left the building.

Not to be outdone, Rick Santorum issued a release which stated that Elvis had in fact NOT left the building...had, HAND-TOSSED a pizza that the two men ultimately shared...endorsed Tricky Ricky...and was promptly appointed to the position of White House a "Sanitarium Administration".

On hearing the news of this new round of musical endorsements...Ron Paul just laughed and said, "...I don't know what all the fuss is about...or why anyone thinks that any of these Rock Stars opinions matter. Half the time, you can't even understand what the heck they're sayin'." An hour LATER though...Paul completely "changed his tune"...announcing that after he had personally performed a posthumous baptism in favor of both J.S. Bach AND Igor Stravinsky...BOTH musicians posthumously endorsed Paul...and thanked him for all of the assistance they had each received from the Congressmen...while the two were alive.

Back to Not So Super Tuesday...

Yes, there ARE 10 contests. I ASSUME we can all agree on THAT?

Or...CAN WE?

The Virginia Ballot has only Mitt Romney and Ron Paul on it.

M'kay...there are really NINE contests. So...when the rest of the RNC O&O Pundits start telling the world at 6:01 Eastern Time, about what a cakewalk THEIR GUY had today...AT LEAST don't include Virginia in the parade of states. not only one of the THIRTY-SEVEN STATES where Mitt Romney qualifies as either a favorite son, or a bastard child...BUT, it's also a state where he had at least enough swing to win a gubernatorial election a few years back.

And then...there were EIGHT..."contests," I mean.

If you're going to discount Newt's impending colossal victory in Georgia...Mitt has to be given equal disrespect.

And, why do I suggest that Newt is being disrespected?

Virtually EVERY news outlet has reported that OHIO carries the MOST DELEGATES to be awarded by one state in today's elections. AND...following discussions of Ohio, pick any state out of 3 or four others which DO NOT start with "G" and end in "A"...and ALL in THAT group have been labeled as "THE NEXT" most significant contests.

For the record...GEORGIA offers the largest individual delegate prize of the day, AND...much as I hate to actually suggest that "the truth" has ever inadvertently escaped the Lips of the Lizard...he is absolutely correct in saying that if Tricky Ricky was not on the Georgia Ballot...Newt might just get over EIGHTY PERCENT of the down-home vote...even though he IS...a carpet-bagging, redheaded stepson of the South.

So...Not So Super Tuesday is down to THREE CAUCUSES...FOUR CONTESTED PRIMARIES...Romney's Home State, Newt's Home State...and a place where HALF THE CANDIDATES AREN'T ON THE BALLOT!

And yet...the event is being hailed as the tipping point of the campaign cycle.

Following today, Santorum and Gingrich will OWN the next two weeks, which will see Santorum clean house in Kansas and Missouri (again)...while Gingrich will remind Romney how "the Good People of Alabama and Mississippi" treat "Non-Christians" what jes' happens to wander into the wrong trailer park.

All of this, of course setting up the REAL "Super Period" in the race...which comes between Illinois on March 20, through Texas...with its 155 Delegates at stake on April 3rd. If Romney won EVERY DELEGATE today, he would be little more than halfway to the nomination. In contrast, the Illinois - Texas trek will award one and a half times the "Super" Tuesday total...AND come after Gingrich and Santorum have closed the gap in "Show-Me"..."OZ"...and "The Lands Time Forgot".

Having said all of could still get kind of interesting. And, since everybody wants to start with Ohio...let's start there.

Lots of reasons why Santorum should do well. Yes, the poll numbers have evened out. HOWEVER...even yesterday...Rasmussen, the telephonic annoyance which IS the RNC, and fully co-opted by Fox News...actually has SANTORUM up by 1%. friend of Santorum in the past...has Romney in the lead by ONLY 1%. Simultaneous to that...CNN suggests that for Romney to do well in OHIO...he MUST be delivered by THE CATHOLIC VOTE. Love him or hate him...these are Santorum's Peeps. And, I wouldn't want to NEED that block, if I were anybody but Tricky Ricky. ALSO...for reasons that are absolutely unexplainable...Romney's "final days" attack on Santorum labeld him as "A UNION STOOGE".

Pardon me, Mitt? Did you not get the memo on what UNION STOOGES have done to the Kasich attempt to curtail UNION CONTRACTS...IN OHIO...IN THE LAST THREE MONTHS?

There is every reason to think that Romney will grab off a 5% win in Ohio. I get it. The MACHINE is in full swing moreso than at any time during the course of this campaign. And, it COULD happen...BUT the polling data and the other factors I mentioned, make my left hand itch, and have me looking for city boy with a pocket full of Benjamins. What have ya got for me, Catholics? Are ya gonna give it up just so you can meet up with Albert Einstein in Mormon Heaven?

We'll soon see.


Here, again...the more questionable of the polling entities are moving Romney within striking distance on the day before election day. Simultaneous to that...Newt touts a poll that moves HIM to within the margin of error, tied with Romney...AND...just goes to show you that in the solid south, more than anywhere else, that Gingrich - Santorum vote is DOUBLE the Romney support, OR GREATER!

By the way...take Gingrich off of the Ohio Ballot...and Romney is TOAST...even WITH a little help from St. Aloysius Gonzaga.

So, in Tennessee...Romney has a chance to divide and conquer. BUT...He ALSO has a chance TO FINISH THIRD! Turnout from "The Churches" is again the key...and in Tennessee...Romney won't get ANY of it.

Out on the ol' limb...Santorum gets the win. NEWT takes second.

Same story in Oklahoma...except Romney is a more distant 3rd.

Rounding out the Primaries...Romney wins virtually nothing in Vermont.

HERE, is where there could be some serious CAUCUSMANIA!

Alaska...North Dakota...Idaho.

Romney was, and is still predicted by MANY to be the odds-on favorite IN ALL THREE CAUCUSES.
Idaho...HEY, Romney wins EVERYTHING in "The West"...especially where states have even as many as nine Mormons living in them. Alaska...HEY, It doesn't get ANY MORE "WESTERN" than THAT, does it? North Dakota/...HEY, Mitt's gonna suck their shale outta the ground THROUGH A STRAW to get their vote.

On this, I'm going to be REALLLLLLLL RIght...or reallllll M-bare-assed later tonight.

Alaska AND North Dakota go to Ron Paul. Idaho goes to Romney by less than 5%.

Romney's Delegate addition, for the night?

181...not the 211 called for by Chuck Todd...and NOT the death blow to either Santorum OR Gingrich...who will cut deeper into Romney's operating margins over the next two weeks.

Lastly...Rush continues to lose advertisers...because THE WORLD SAW THROUGH ALL THREE APOLOGIES.


I'll re-visit Rush, Breitbart, and others...after the post-mortem of Not So Super Tuesday.

Have a truly Blessed day!

Monday, March 5, 2012

Ashcroft Endorsement Puts Romney Over The Top!

Apologies to those who actually do enjoy this blog going up in the middle of the night most nights.

Unfortunately...late yesterday, I had three different topics being contemplated, and was having some trouble deciding if good humor, or something more serious should be the order of the day.

Then...I read an article in "A MAJOR NATIONAL PURVEYOR OF PUNDANCY"...and "the Way" was made clear.

Two supposedly MAJOR endorsements were announced yesterday, in support of The Mighty Mittster, which this article suggests will have the other three remaining candidates calling it quits in no time.

The least significant of the two new Romney endorsements comes from House Majority Leader, Eric Cantor.

I say "least significant"...because even 49% of republican House Members would stare at the floor or off in the distance when pressed on the issue of whether they even voted for the guy in the first place.

One 30 second observation of Cantor and you would bet the farm that this guy spent all of high school and three years of college in a trash can, locked in a locker, with a wedgie...AND a "Kick Me" sign that couldn't be seen IN the locker...but, it just wouldn't be right if it wasn't there.

Plus...Cantor said yesterday that it was important for him to make the announcement BEFORE SUPER TUESDAY.

Note to House Majority Leader Cantor:



Cantor's endorsement was, in meaningless as Eric Cantor.

Sorry, Mrs. Cantor. Some things never change.

On to THE REAL ENDORSEMENT of the day.


Mitt! Willard! Whatever new name, you intend to take after the "white smoke" proclaims your impending Mormon Papacy... can take a deep breath!

Your 50 year quest for relevance is at an end.

"Former Attorney General"...John Ashcroft...has SAID IT IS SO!

But they say...THERE'S MORE!

I mean...if the endorsement Romney was getting from a "Former Attorney General"...was from Former Attorney General "EDMUND JENNINGS RANDOLPH"...who...had a major hand in actually penning things like, oh...I don't know...

THE CONSTITUTION OF THE UNITED STATES! (Maybe you've heard of it?)

MAYBE...the endorsement would have some value.


John Ashcroft, was chosen by GEORGE W. BUSH to serve as Attorney General...after the voters in his home state of Missouri found him to be such a poor candidate for the US Senate...THAT THEY ELECTED A DEAD GUY...rather than vote for Ashcroft.

To remind those who don't recall...Ashcroft was A SITTING UNITED STATES SENATOR...running for RE-ELECTION in 2000.

A  MONTH BEFORE THE ELECTION...the Democratic Candidate DIED IN A PLANE CRASH. Missouri Courts refused to allow the candidate's name to be either replaced or even withdrawn from the ballot.

When the counting was completed...John Ashcroft, the Sitting Senator, had lost BY FIFTY THOUSAND Mel Carnahan...a.k.a...


And...if you thought THAT was John's Crowning Life Achievement...

...then you forget, that as Attorney General...Ashcroft agreed to PLAY order that Dick Cheney could get both enhanced surveillence of US Citizens, and torture of terror suspects either renewed or in place.

ASHCROFT ALSO...wrote, and then SANG AT A NATIONALLY TELEVISED PRESS CONFERENCE...his Smash Hit Single, "When the Eagle Soars".

...which, by itself explains how he lost to THE DEAD GUY.

Oh...and just for good measure, John Ashcroft...covered the partially clad statues OF BLIND JUSTICE in federal buildings, WITH BLUE CURTAINS and maybe MOST EGREGIOUSLY...CREATED AND SIGNED OFF ON THE FEDERAL PLOT TO ENTRAP COMEDIAN TOMMY CHONG, by conspiring to secure passage of a statute in one state regarding the introduction of drug paraphernalia into that state...and then ordering a bong from Chong's internet-based company...located in a state where his activities were entirely legal.

Tommy Chong ended up in a federal penitentiary...while Ashcroft's "TIPS" Program...which HE CREATED...and which calls for US Citizens TO REPORT THEIR NEIGHBORS TO THE FEDS (especially if your A-Hole neighbor keeps blocking the place where YOUR trash cans go...) so that they can be perhaps flown to a secret prison in Yemen...FOR FURTHER INTERROGATION...under one off his OTHER remaining programs.

Boy, "Mitt"...YOU ARE "IN"!

Just hope Barack Obama STAYS ALIVE for 8 months. Ashcroft had a ZERO PERCENT WIN RATE...AGAINST DEAD GUYS.

Sunday, March 4, 2012

Rush Limbaugh Is A Big Fat...WHORE!

If you had SIX in the "How many advertisers will it take to cancel ad buys on the Limbaugh radio show before THE WHORE reveals its true colors?..."


Rush Limbaugh issued "an apology" today, to Georgetown Law Student, Sandra Fluke. Limbaugh had called her both a slut...and a prostitute on radio shows aired earlier in the week. When first called on his outburst, Limbaugh not only refused to accept either that he had acted in any way inappropriately, or that an apology was in order...but also confirmed to the world just how "right" he was in his initial assessment of Ms. Fluke...that he went after her AGAIN!

Even in the face of lukewarm pseudo-admonishments from Speaker Boner, a sloughing off of the commentary by Tricky Ricky Sanitarium...and the conscious avoidance of the controversy by Mitt of the Magic Underwear, Limbaugh was emboldened. He was his disgustingly arrogant self. He beat his massive and obviously hardening arteries...and more than openly challenged both Fluke and her cadre of supporters to "DO SOMETHING ABOUT" his remarks.

And they did.

In a total of less than 72 hours...not one, not two, but SIX major advertisers of the Limbaugh radio show had suspended or cancelled outright, their contractual advertising commitments. At least three others remained in jeopardy. Clear Channel had more than obviously rented a large crane...and lifted Limbaugh from his self-contained egotorium...for a relatively short trip to the woodshed.

El Douchebo would immediately commission the architects of more than a dozen versions of "The Newt Gingrich Story" craft "An Apology".

Let's give that "Apology"...all of the attention that it deserves. Let's see how REASONABLE, under ALL of the circumstances, that "Apology" really the hope that the balance of Limbaugh's advertisers will be forced to weigh their remaining decisions, and not be surprised, if other REASONABLE people refuse to accept anything other than the abandonment of someone who should have had his microphone turned off (and shoved up his galactically-copious ass, while he was still a PR Boy for the Kansas City Royals Baseball Team).

Remember...Limbaugh made the original statements regarding Fluke, ON WEDNESDAY. The controversy was ON, and the forces of right and good were now formed against The Ball-less One.

However...the reactionary right was either silent, or supportive. More importantly, Clear Channel, Limbaugh's syndicator...gave more than tacit approval of the allowing their own ignorance of the events to signal that Limbaugh had a free hand to carpet bomb Ms. Fluke again on Thursday.

And he did.

After suggesting on Thursday, that he wasn't going to address the issue further, the morbidly obese eunuch spent OVER AN HOUR both RE-STATING his previous comments, "revising and extending his remarks"...and MORE IMPORTANTLY...

...not apologizing.

Also on Thursday...Romney again avoided commenting on the controversy, Fox News issued a statement of support of Limbaugh, and its own slap at Fluke...and...

...The Good Guys and Girls got even "pisseder and pisseder".

Either taking the bait or psychotically declaring himself to BE opposed to just borrowing His "talent"...Limbaugh began his "Open Line Friday"...NOT with any "OPEN LINE" calls, but with ANOTHER HOUR of both rantings about Mrs. Fluke, and an even more targeted attack on those who had collectively taken up her cause. Noticeably ABSENT during the entire "three hours" of his Friday program, was...

..."An Apology". recap; Limbaugh made his remarks on Wednesday. He had a full day to evaluate whether he had either chosen his words poorly, or, just plain..."f'd up" the day before.

After a careful review of his conduct the previous day, the ALWAYS EXCESSIVELY PREPARED "NRA Dough Boy" launched into Fluke again.

Between Thursday's secondary nuking of Ms. Fluke, and the opening of Friday's show...a REASONABLE person might conclude, that as the controversy gained even more momentum...EVEN IF Limbaugh had NOT given prior consideration to EITHER the remarks themselves, or a level of response which Limbaugh could neither have anticipated, nor currently comprehend...that THIS might be a pretty decent time to conduct a little personal reflection and assessment.

And yet...not only was there no "Apology"...Limbaugh's actions show that the larger than Uranus Caricature STILL believed that he was both larger than life...and completely bulletproof.

And why wouldn't he?

For TWENTY-EIGHT YEARS...and particularly for the last 13 years with Clear Channel Communications, Limbaugh has committed ethical and moral abuses of public decency, each one more egregious than the other...and done so with impunity, and with the confidence that the now FIFTY MILLION DOLLAR annual salary from the show's syndicator effectively mandated that Clear Channel support any and every venomous expulsion.

In this instance, Clear Channel once again validated the attack on Sandra Fluke from Wednesday...until Thursday...until Friday...and until THE SIXTH MAJOR ADVERTISER had suspended or canceled ad contracts on Saturday.

LESS THAN FOUR HOURS LATER...Limbaugh issued "An Apology".

Limbaugh started his "Apology" by indicating that the reference to Sandra Fluke as "A SLUT" and "A PROSTITUTE"...was "NOT A PERSONAL ATTACK".

Well, THANK GOD for THAT. If only South American Dictators had issued similar "apologies" after attaching ELECTRODES to the GENITALS of their dissidents...

"My choice of words was not the best, and in the attempt to be humorous, I created a national stir. I sincerely apologize to Ms. Fluke for the insulting word choices."

...because "SLUT" and "PROSTITUTE" are far more "HUMOROUS" than they could ever be "INSULTING".

Buried in the middle of his TWO SENTENCES of "NOT A PERSONAL ATTACK" and "I SINCERELY APOLOGIZE"...Limbaugh ALSO said...

"I think it is absolutely absurd that during these very serious political times, we are discussing personal sexual recreational activities before members of Congress. I personally do not agree that American citizens should pay for these social activities. What happened to personal responsibility and accountability? Where do we draw the line? If this is accepted as the norm, what will follow? Will we be debating if taxpayers should pay for new sneakers for all students that are interested in running to keep fit? In my monologue, I posited that it is not our business whatsoever to know what is going on in anyone's bedroom nor do I think it is a topic that should reach a Presidential level."


"They SAY, a picture is worth 1000 words. MY APOLOGY, at least in this worth FIFTY-FOUR. NON-APOLOGY JUSTIFICATION for my patently insulting and very personal attack on this nappy-headed HO...more than TWICE that number. I would also like to add that my only regret is that I have but one anus, to offer up to my Syndicator and OUR SPONSORS...three hours a day, five days a week...AND, that the moment this little raft of bullshit blows over...I ASSURE YOU AND THEM...that I will be RIGHT BACK TO my age-old tactic of contaminating the public airwaves with the type and kind of thermo-nuclear linguistic barrages which can send a lunatic into a kindergarten with a pipe bomb in three hours OR LESS...ANY DAY OF THE WEEK...or at least five out of seven anyway."

Let's just hope that the pain that this gutless wonder will be further caused to endure by the prospective loss of the balance of his advertisers doesn't drive him back to Betty Ford. OR...if it does result in a relapse of his previous dependence on prescription pharmaceuticals, that he doesn't end up at Passages in Malibu...which COULD end up SINKING our beautiful community into the Pacific, potentially triggering the kind of tectonic shift which could bring about THE BIG ONE.

Let's also hope that if El DRUGGO does fall back off of his High Horse-Drawn Wagon...that TAXPAYERS are not forced to in any way support or supplement his dependence.

And, on a personal note to Sandra Fluke...

Just about the time that Rush's Lar-Jass was first sidling upside his bully microphone (1985) ...a Pittsburgh, PA newspaper published an article which blistered a local professional football player, for no reason other that that player elected to extricate himself from a personal services contract with the owner of the Pittsburgh entry in the defunct United States Football League...and pursue earning a living at his trade, in the ongoing National Football League.

In that article...the very Limbaugh-esque author suggested that the athlete was somewhat lacking in skills other than on the football field, should be happy to be "stuck" in a defunct football league...and that "if it weren't for that contract...the player would likely be "out robbing gas stations".

When threatened with litigation over having published the statement...and after accepting that even IF the player was a "public figure" for purposes of existing libel law...THOSE kinds of statements constituted "actual malice"...attorneys for the newspaper paid the player's attorney's fees into the six figures, and issued THE ONLY FRONT PAGE "APOLOGY" in the history of that paper, or any paper...for a story written libeling an athlete. ( bold face type, framed in a bold box and directly under the paper's Masthead".)

In YOUR case, Sandra...and I'm sure you already know this...statements regarding the sexual reputation of an individual have long been held to constitute "libel per se" which case, you need not show any actual damages at all, in order to squeeze a blivet or two of cholesterol out of Trash Limbaugh.

For the sake of the next Sandra Fluke...

GO FOR IT! Milk that cash cow until all eight of its teats fall off.

Limbaugh has shown, yet again...that he is first willing to sell his services to the highest bidder...and ultimately, but equally willingly prepared to compromise even the COURAGE and COMMITMENT to ideal that he professes to possess...AS SOON AS THOSE BIDDERS THREATEN TO GO AWAY.

You sold NOTHING and were called A SLUT and A PROSTITUTE.


Who is the whore, here?

Pardon me for ending with a rhetorical question?


Friday, March 2, 2012

A Progressive's Prayer for Andrew Breitbart

There's nothing like the sudden death of a Legend in his Own Mind, to turn the Thursday before Not So Super Tuesday into a slow news day.

I mean no disrespect to Orson Bean's daughter, nor the four children she shared with Andrew Breitbart. I'm not elated at his passing, as some have shown themselves to be throughout the day. I am truly saddened at the loss of any life.

I acknowledge Matt Drudge as an Internet Genius, and that he passed substantial amounts of knowledge to an individual who proved himself to be equally effective in using that knowledge...while being an incalculable exponent greater than Drudge when it comes to both being a true junkyard dog...and being willing to play fast and loose with both rules, decorum, and truth.

Make no mistake about it. Andrew Breitbart was a gifted individual who, in the beginning, middle and end...saw himself as being as much the story as that which he sought to uncover.

Do I think that Breitbart was any different than what Keith Olberman has become?


Do I believe that if Roger Ailes had re-discovered Andrew Breitbart a day before Bill O'Reilly...that Bill-O would be still be allowing the world to witness his ever-receding hairline, more gaunt than ever look that he has about him...which often makes me wonder about HIS general health...OR, that he would have continued to grab off the big payday for all these way too many years?

Not an O'Reilly's Chance in Compton or East St. Louis.

I agree that an Andrew Breitbart comes along only a few times in any given generation. I pray for his soul in the same way I would pray for a beloved family member, treasured pet, or the criminals who hung on either side of Jesus Christ. Unlike Andrew Breitbart, who was a proponent of capital punishment, attacks on abortion clinics, senseless war for bullshit jingoistic reasons...while feigning concern for the unborn, because "ALL LIFE IS SACRED"...I really do believe that ALL life is sacred.

My heart goes out to his family and friends, in the same sense that I would hope others would desire comfort for my family, should I not finish this Posting.

I'm no Saint. Never claimed to be. I've been places, seen things, done things, spoken up when I shouldn't...and remained silent when I could have and should have been the voice upon the nearest mountain top. When my end comes, there will be tears, a few jeers, but no one who knows me will say I didn't touch, or change their life, or make at least one of their days more interesting, exciting, or flat out crazed...than it might otherwise have been. I don't live in a glass house, and I'm not throwing stones.

What I am saying is that for WHATEVER his real and/or purported reasons...and DESPITE the VOLUMES of testimonials which came out of more mouths today, faster than Newt Gingrich could come up with new life histories...Andrew Breitbart took pleasure in distorting facts for his personal gain, and ALWAYS under circumstances where his gain coincided with the destruction of SOMEONE ELSE'S LIFE.

But, of was never HIS DOING.

He was just "reporting the news".

The same way Bill O'Reilly had NOTHING TO DO WITH the execution of Dr. John Tiller.

The same way Bill & Hannity had nothing to do with mass murder at a Tennessee Church, where the killer's lair was strewn with their books, tapes, notes, and other hate speech.

Whatever Andrew Breitbart "revolutionize the Internet". Whatever he DID to advance what half the nation might believe to be a legitimate cause. Whatever he did to "SAVE THE NATION FROM THE COMMIES"...

He did it HATING people...particularly ANYONE that THE SAME GOD AS HIS, may have given a different perspective, point of view, outlook on the universe...or understanding of who God was, and how THAT PERSON had been called by that same lend benefit to mankind.

I write this Blog in an effort, as I have always openly both educate, and make my readers laugh as often as their funny bones will allow.

YES...I play with the names of candidates as an overt ACT OF GOOD HUMOR.

Yes...I called Ann Coulter, "Adam's Apple Annie"...JUST YESTERDAY. That's only because she PRETENDS to be a tough girl...yet she has openly refused to debate me for more than a decade.

Yes...I mock the Gingrich and Palin Families.

But if any one of them had a heart attack in my presence, they would get chest compressions and mouth to mouth without a second thought, or a single second wasted...even The Fat Lizard.

It isn't referring to Sarah Palin's Glenn Rice Moment, or even Andrew Breitbart laying hands on the photo of Weiner's Weiner which will get people killed by psychopaths in Tennessee or anywhere else in the world. You screw a much younger basketball player on his way to the NBA,,,or send a 8X10 of your 3X5 to a woman WHO IS NOT YOUR WIFE...and you are comic fodder...FOREVER!

On the other hand...when you distort the truth for the purpose of ruining lives to support YOUR RISE TO FAME AND FORTUNE...all the while saying and doing things that encourage the kind of people who still go to Klan meetings in Rural not only keep going, but to not stop there...

When YOUR WORDS, unquestionably are the motivating force behind tens of thousands...OR EVEN ONE PERSON deciding that THEY have somehow been endowed by their Creator to determine which life is sacred and who, on the other hand, is expendable...

When GOD becomes YOUR TOOL...instead of YOU serving as HIS...

I don't care if your name is Andrew Breitbart of FILL-IN-THE-BLANK. Whatever earthly praise you may be entitled to for changing the face of the 24 Hour News Content Delivery System...

That praise will fall on the same deaf ears which you accorded to the equally supportable positions taken by your earthly adversaries...when each of you tap on THE SAME PEARLY GATES, in search of the approval of The ONLY One Whose Opinion Truly Matters.

I have said this don't bring ANYONE pulling as hard as you can, FROM EITHER END. You bring people together BY PULLING THE the middle.

Andrew Breitbart couldn't find the Middle with a Star Map. It is sad that his life was lost at such a young age.

It is sadder yet that the only life he ever knew was one of anger, ideological lust, and that he was willing to sacrifice DECADES of time which could have been spent WITH HIS peace and opposed to declaring himself judge, jury and executioner of all whose thought process didn't mirror his own.

Rest in Peace, Andrew...for the first time "in your life".

Thursday, March 1, 2012

Plan "B"...Voodoo Economics...AGAIN?

Those darn Republican "Strategists". Just when you get the so-called and self-styled "legitimate political news outlets" to begin writing about the realistic prospect of Jeb Bush entering the republican presidential nominating fray...Rick Santorum stops making Annie Coulter gag.

What do you make of that?

Well...not much, if that was the only change from one week to another. However, when you combine Adam's Apple Annie's 180 on Tricky Ricky, with Santorum's refusal to reverse field, The Mighty Mittster's corresponding commitment to all things financial, AND the fact that Hollywood isn't the only industry that loves a good sequel...and all  of a sudden, The Gipper be DAMNED...I'm hearing the same Overture that was being hummed in 1980 just before Ronald Reagan Ronald Reagan Ronald Reagan and Georgie Porgie began the eight year liplock that started this Once Great Nation on the road to oblivion.

For those of you that don't remember 1980, and are buying into the CNN hype over how devastating this drawn out campaign has permanently damaged the republican party...and ANY nominee; let me simultaneously either enlighten, or otherwise refresh a recollection or two.

George Bush HATED Ronald Reagan. In fact...prior to Ronald Reagan Ronald Reagan Ronald Reagan gaining what appeared to be an upper hand in the 1980 primary season, a lot of republicans hated him. Like this year, a democratic President was concluding his first term in office. Like this year, that democratic President found himself with a terrible economic situation...instability in the oil and capital markets...and without the benefit of a government sponsored and implemented plan to keep inflation in check.

There was such concern on the part of the moderate wing of the republican party over the prospect of running an ultra-conservative in the general election that Former President Gerald Ford even considered entering the race in early March 1980, in an effort to thwart Reagan's third attempt at getting the republican nomination.

In the end, most political observers believed, and probably still do, that had the moderate republican vote not been divided between multiple candidates...Ronald Reagan Ronald Reagan Ronald Reagan might have ended up as part of the setup to a joke which began with, "Eugene Debs, Ralph Nader and Ronald Reagan walk into a bar...".

However, when Reagan managed to use the moderate divide to secure enough delegates to claim the nomination...those darned RNC "strategists" put on their thinking caps and devised the plan that was the beginning of our end.

Ronald Reagan would continue to put forward his socially-dominated agenda. George Bush, who had previously labeled the Reagan Economic plan "Voodoo Economics" and claimed openly that the plan would cause even higher than the 30% inflation witnessed during the previous four years...would not only provide political and geographical balance to what scared republicans about Reagan...he would also actually have a role in the campaign.

Reagan made Middle America angry.

Bush made sense.

Fast forward thirty-two years to the current version of republican America.  In some respects, the nation is in almost the exact same position that is was in 1980. In other, equally critical areas of consideration, we are at almost opposite ends of the spectrum. And, during the republican primary, we have this time...THE CONSERVATIVE VOTE being divided...and essentially one lone moderate in the race.

Unless Tricky Ricky and Mitt of the Magic Underwear are each deserving of an's also pretty apparent that they don't honestly enjoy each other's company...or, the way they are running their respective campaigns.  Romney openly accuses Santorum of campaign dirty tricks. Santorum openly courts social conservatives from the ranks of democrats. Santorum rips into Romney for his Massachusetts Moderation. And, Romney openly declares that Santorum has no clue on economic matters, and can in no way be successful in a general election, given his unwillingness to consider any position other than the one he brought with him into the campaign.

In 1980...before the problem reached critical mass, the party sought to enlist a former sitting President to bridge the enormous gap. Not at all unlike the chorus of escalating in significance, voices openly encouraging first Mitch Daniels and now Jeb Bush to "save" the party.

In 1980...when Ford opted to stay out, and Reagan's nomination became a fait accompli..."Voodoo Economics" took a backseat to "Plan B".

How does this translate to what has been happening internally on the republican side of the equation over even the last 24 hours?

Yes...there is still a reasonable chance that no candidate will secure the number of delegates necessary to nominate in advance of the convention. Obviously, that would require additional consideration to be given to, my continuing prediction...Jeb Bush, to serve as savior.

However...all you have to do is READ and go back only days ago...when Adam's Apple Annie Coulter was RIPPING into Santorum in her characteristic and equally merciless style. If the two had been in the same room, and Coulter had the taser...Tricky Ricky is on the floor playing the part of "bacon frying". He was "insane"..."unelectable"...and a lot of other things even less flattering.

Today...Annie says...she WANTS to agree with him, and simply admonishes Santorum to "stop trying to explain his positions". If you know The Ann-gel of Death" know that if there were a number more significant than "180" to describe a total reversal...this would be the time to use it.

Yesterday...Santorum's closest friends and advisers were suggesting that he alter his message, however at least appear to be less divisive on women's issues, and in certain other areas. The campaign later announced that it would stay on message...indicating no need whatsoever for a course correction.

Where is Leo the Lip when you need him?

"Plan B"...DO NOT risk either the loss, or the ambivalence of ANY social conservative that couldn't get totally behind McCain...and realized that Sarah Palin shouldn't be allowed TO BUY A HOME in Washington, DC.

Romney - Santorum is NOT McCain - Palin all over again. Romney isn't 104, doesn't have cancer, didn't spend five years in a POW Camp...wasn't labeled "insane" by Karl Rove...and doesn't sound like he has gastritis every time he opens his mouth.

Romney is a business success story at a time when the nation needs a far better understanding of how to deal with a prospective worldwide financial collapse. At the same time, Romney PLAYS THE GAME and knows the rules. Until McCain took it in the ear to get the George W. Bush team a time when it looked like HE would be a three time loser...he hadn't compromised with anybody on anything since Meghan first asked to borrow one of the family's 15 cars to drive herself to one of their 7 houses.

Santorum....make no mistake about absolutely as batshit crazy as Sarah Palin (or Ronald Reagan). However, you can put him in a cute little sweater vest, wrap his home-schooled family around him, and send him to every trailer park and Baptist Church in every one-horse, three-tooth town...and they won't even care that he takes his marching orders from an alleged former Nazi...who just happens to be The Pope. His daughter will likely not give birth during the campaign...and there are at least moments...unlike in the case of Sarah Palin...when he appears that he won't sleep with half of the NBA, or quit the race in the hope of landing a reality TV show.

None of this is to say that democrats are staring eight years of a Romney - Santorum debacle in the face. The Chicago Mob IS NOT the crowd from Plains, Georgia. Democrats have gotten A LOT smarter and far more campaign savvy since that time. The Obama Administration has a far better hold on the office, complete control of every aspect of its own press, unlimited financial resources...and a willingness to straddle the lines of propriety which Jimmy Carter never had...and which President Obama himself lacked in 2008.

Mark it down...this date; nearly a week before Not So Super Tuesday...and when Mitt Romney Still needs nearly 1000 delegates to become the nominee.

IF, no candidate reaches the Convention with the required delegates...Romney is unceremoniously DUMPED in favor of Jeb Bush.

IF...Romney is certain to be the nominee based on his delegate count...TRICKY RICKY SANITARIUM...IS the choice for Vice President. Fences are mended. Santorum, when asked about their differences, declares that he will not "be nickled or dimed"...and that TOGETHER, their ONE GOAL is to unseat Barack Obama.

If a month from becomes more likely that the Convention will be open...I'll let Jeb know who HIS Veep Short List includes...AND...who he will ultimately select.

In the meantime...WATCH how the REST of the republican establishment...all of a sudden STOPS bashing Santorum. It ain't because they think he has a PRAYER of becoming their nominee.