Thursday, March 8, 2012

Pat Robertson Chastising Rush Limbaugh? OMG! The End Really IS Near!

Just when you start believing there's no way God would destroy the world before Sarah Palin decided to make an even bigger ass out of herself "One...More...Time," by following through on her threat to launch an Open Convention bid for the republican nomination for President...

Pat Robertson delivers the clearest Message from God, at least in my lifetime...that none of us remains long for this world...and that HE has had all He can stand, and He cant' stands no more.

It's one thing for Fred Phelps to boast that "God Hates Fags," while proclaiming The Phelps Family's status as the single most dysfunctional band of emotional and spiritual child molesters since the Mother Ship dropped off the first wave of Scientologists.

You sort of grow to accept that from Freddie. His only real problem is in just not being able to articulate the position that, at least as far as Phelps understands it..."God Hates EVERYBODY!" Fags, fornicators, soldiers, elected representatives, shoe salesmen in San Francisco, an 11 year old newspaper delivery boy in New Jersey, professional athletes, and even all but one of the Mothers Against Drunk Drivers.

Yup...God Hates EVERYBODY...except of course, the 356 in-bred, toeheads who comprise the entire A to Z "Phelps" Listing in the Topeka, Kansas Phone Directory.

So...if THAT "Man of God" had spiritually circumcised Limbaugh yesterday...that would have been understood for exactly what is was; namely the senile rantings of a disbarred former personal injury lawyer who is near enough to having God personally disembowel his sorry ass, that even members of his own family can't wait for Fred "Who Protesteth WAY Too Much" Phelps, to just get the flock off of His planet.

On the other hand...Phelps has yet to chime in on the Limbaugh Implosion. Those borderline divine rantings you were hearing yesterday from "The Nut Gallery"...were the latest round of linguistic rhodium championed by the inimitable, incredible, and, oh yeah...Batshit Crazy...Reverend, Dr., Messenger for Life...and 12 Time Divinely-Mandated Presidential Candidate...Pat Robertson.

M'kay...I will advance accept the notion that St. Patrick did NOT call for "covert operatives" to infiltrate the EIB Compound in South Florida and execute a Congressionally Authorized Assassination...along the lines suggested by the same spiritual superstar when he proclaimed that even God understood that killing one strong arm dictator was acceptable as a spiritual alternative to footing the bill for a $200 Million Dollar War which was designed to achieve the same purpose.

And...lest we forget...that would, in fact, be the very same Pope Patrick von Robertson, who in recent years personally delivered these additional Messages...direct from God...to you, without even the need to print up new signs for the Phelps Family to load into their 501(c)(3) eligible minivans...or a heaven-sent order to boycott Wahoo's Fish Tacos. According to our Drunken Uncle Pat...

1.  For Israeli Prime Minister Ariel Sharon suffered a massive stroke because he had engaged in discussions that might have led to PEACE in the region based on the creation of an Independent Palestinian State.

"God considers this land to be His"...and would send the same fate to any other Israeli Prime Minister who moved to divide His Land

2. "The feminist agenda encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children,  practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism, and become lesbian". Maybe THIS explains Christine O'Donnell? But then...that can't be right either because...Robertson DEFENDED "that Witch".

3. "Maybe we need a very small nuke thrown off on Foggy Bottom (in Washington, DC) to shake things up."

Oddly enough...

4. Robertson warned the entire City of Orlando, that if Disney World went through with the conduct of a "Gay Day" at the park, that the end result would either be the destruction of Orlando by impending hurricanes, OR serve as a precursor to terrorist bombings, earthquakes tornadoes, and other Hell, Fire and Brimstone events brought to you by He would Was, Is, and Ever Shall Be...for your weeping and wailing pleasure.

To clarify, Pat...that "small nuke" you spoke of in #3, above? Would that make you a terrorist? Or just another Man of the cloth holding a sign that says, "God Hates Fags"?

One last Robertson moment of clarity before completing the point of this Posting.

5. "Just like what Nazi Germany did to the Jews, so liberal America is now doing to Evangelical Christians...More terrible than anything suffered by any minority in history".

I'm guessing after reviewing exit polling data from the states of Tennessee, Oklahoma and Georgia two days ago...Mitt the Mormon might just wish that Pat was either correct, OR truly prophetic (in the very short term) in his assessment of the impending doom faced by America's Evangelicals. Either way...6 millions Jewish deaths...vs a limitation on publicly funded Nativity Scenes. DAMN THOSE LIBERALS and their eradication of live sheep from the public square at Christmas Time! DAMN YOU!

With that as the background, and serving as a proper introduction of today's featured Rush Detractor...Pat Robertson surprised even Freddie Phelps...and also bought himself a gang-haunting, currently being organized by Oral Roberts and the thankfully mortal Jerry Falwell.

Like Rush...since reporting to the world that Limbaugh's slandering of Sandra Fluke was "...a little over the top"...Robertson has already sought absolution three times. Of course, these multiple mea cuplas directed at Rush after the initial onslaught...came only after Pat threatened himself with cutting out 43 of his daily requests for donations...and Tweeting to Himself, an anonymous demand that he cancel his own 700 Club TV show, and remove it from the schedule of the CBN Network...which, by the way, he owns.

All  of a sudden...Statements 1 thru 5, above...are strangely beginning to make sense.

And, while we don't know what will happen today...we do know that the flight of Limbaugh advertisers is up to 43, as radio stations in Massachusetts and Hawaii have pulled the program from their schedules. This, as a "Dead Host Broadcasting" equates the loss of 43 advertisers and two content delivery outlets...to "...a few french fries...that fall out of your bag when you go through the drive-thru".

So very rarely do those who are endowed as Gifted Communicators, truly comprehend the power which is in their words. Words have raised extraordinary children, educated an entire world, started and ended world wars, praised Higher Powers...and also paid the mortgage of more than a few false prophets.

Usually the Gifted Communicator is the first to swallow their foot...and the last to understand how something like that could ever happen.

Not even Limbaugh's harshest critics could ever deny his remarkable ability to arouse, inspire and motivate his sympathizers to action. Had Limbaugh, for even a single moment both realized and accepted the incredible obligation contained in the fine print on the receipt which accompanied his Gift...perhaps he wouldn't be weeks away from a four-alarm realization that life as he had come to know it...is over.

And perhaps he, and we, wouldn't be twenty-eight years into a thirty year plan to polarize a nation so much so that 155 years of resolving ideological differences without donning different color uniforms, pledging allegiance to leaders in Montgomery, Alabama and Washington, DC...and killing your brother or cousin, once again seem as inevitable as Fred Phelps, Pat Robertson and a clearly desperate Rush Limbaugh making even bigger asses out of themselves every time any one of them opens their mouth.

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