With the recent departure of the JokePa metallic abortion from the front of the stadium in Unhappy Valley...the vacancy left more than a few Pennsylvania political hack Regents with a driving desire to fill the void with a slightly less demeaning, demonic and disgusting gaggle of brass bullshit. And, since the Saddam statue had been on a "Buy it now, or Best Offer since sometime in 2004...
Okay, so...I made up at least part of that teaser. The bottom-line is, after taking the fourth call from a Penn State alum earlier today, I decided that there was a story here, which had to be told.
I apologize for not taking this opportunity to comment on the new Obama tv spot which launched today, the Syrian Non-Threat to use chemical weapons if either a) Damascus is attacked, or b) donkeys fly...the ongoing euro banking collapse, or any one of the other 79 more appropriate political themes which might have occupied tonight's column.
However...when I took that fourth call earlier today, from the Penn State alum who still to this day believes that "there is no scandal...it's a witch hunt'...it was time to let 'er rip, and call these clowns out, in the same way in which we felt compelled to re-introduce myself to the gun nuts, just yesterday.
As usual, the course of my life has placed me in a position to have met the late Coach Bonjourno on more than one occasion. The very first time I met this legend in his own mind, was while I was still in high school. JokePa was recruiting a guy I played football with...and who happened to be one of the greatest running backs never to make it out of the Jerry Sandusky Memorial Group Shower.
JokePa promised my teammate that he would be the next (fill in the blank, superstar from Penn State). The Joke said he was going to stop recruiting players at that position that year if he got a commitment from my teammate. Joe also told the player not to worry at all about whether the player's family could afford to make the long trip to Unhappy Valley every saturday.
I don't know exactly what else The Joke had to say to my friend. Those things were all that were said in public.
I also don't know exactly what happened once my friend actually got to Penn State. Maybe Jerry Sandusky offered my friend a piece of candy, or a ride in his car...or offered to towel him down after practice?
I do know that on the first day of practice, The Joke told this incredible athlete that he had decided that my friend should be moved to a new position...a position that he had never played before. And, three plays later, with absolutely no instruction at the new position, my friend and former teammate suffered a career ending injury.
This was still at a time when a full scholarship meant that your four year scholarship could be taken away from you the following year, for any reason or no reason...and while my friend was still in the hospital recovering from surgery...the pedophile coddling Joke Paterno, showed up to tell my friend that he would have to pay his own way back to Penn State the next year, BUt...that Joe The Joke hoped that my friend would still come back...and walk-on to football tryouts, because..."You know, I care about you as a person".
About ten years later...when I saw The Joke in New Orleans, while I was on business and he was lounging prior to the Sugar Bowl...I approached him in a small, out of the way restaurant...and asked Paterno if he was aware of the fact that my friend from high school had committed suicide (after a long bout with depression, following his injury). Paterno's one word response told me everything that anyone ever needed to no, about what kind of a man he wasn't.
The last time I met this grand bastian of all things hypocritical...was at a major football banquet. Jerry Sandusky was there, too. And, while I didn't know it then...I know now, that the timing of this event operated as evidence that even after The Joke knew that Jerkin' Jerry was having his way with those who were unable to protect or defend themselves.
And, when MSNBC followed the story of the Colorado Movie Murderer, with the announcement that, "In our OTHER top story of the day...Penn State gets to continue..." to let football and the almighty dollar determine whether or not raping children in university showers is an appropriate matter to bring to the attention of the local police...it became more than apparent that absolutely nothing has, or will ever change.
Yes, the university was fined the equivalent of ONE YEAR'S football revenue.
Yes, the NCAA took away a few scholarships, and restricted the team from competing for championships for a couple of years.
Yes, current players can transfer without waiting to play at another school.
HOWEVER...if University-sponsored and sanctioned child rape is not enough to get a program shut down...what the hell is?
What if Jerry and JokePa dyed their hair orange and shot up a movie theater?
Think even that would have been enough?
At least the Widow JokePa still gets her HALF MILLION DOLLAR A YEAR pension benefit. That's the bad news...
The good news is, she gets to join Mrs. Madoff, the Widow Arafat, and other noteworthy ex-successful ladder-climbing spouses at an afternoon tea, where they all spend time telling each other that the money means absolutely nothing when compared to the fact that all of them...used to be somebody.