Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Keep That Hate Mail Coming!

My God!  Okay, okay...I'm sorry. I bragged about knowing that The Mighty Mittster was going to pancake Tricky Ricky in Michigan & Arizona.

However....my dear HATERS...I will have you know that when CNN was reporting THIS AFTERNOON...that "Ooooooooooh...the most recent Election Day Poll says that Santorum is back in the driver's seat"...I did NOT respond by posting "Suuuuuuuure"...challenge them to put their money where their mouth was...NOR...when they were FORCED to ADMIT that Romney had pulled away in Michigan...did I post the almost obligatory, "Nyah Nyah...Nyah Nyah Nyah"!

So...why is it then, that the very FIRST email I get after CNN declared Romney victorious...used the word "SMUG"...five times in a two sentence paragraph?

Let me start from scratch, here. There are so many plots and scenarios playing themselves out now...the war room at the RNC has got to be a scene right out of either Mussolini's Italy...or, the pre-game strategy/jam session of the Jamaican Bobsled Team.

Mitt Romney isn't working.

The RNC knows it. They just don't know exactly what to do about it. Mitt records a blah, blah, blah "win"...recording 41% of the vote in a state he not only calls home...but where he also recorded 41% of a larger vote total four years ago...when he DIDN'T GET THE NOMINATION!

How do you make 41% look like a mandate...when literally SEVENTY PERCENT of your own party are screaming at you to offer them another choice?

There is LITERALLY...ONE THING, and one thing only, that we KNOW about this race.

Mitt Romney wants to be the republican nominee for president., Romney feels he's earned it. He's entitled to it. It's his. He has no interest in the Vice Presidency.
Romney also thoroughly understands that regardless of what MIGHT happen between now and November...unless he becomes the President...he will never again have
an opportunity to become the republican nominee.

What else do we know FOR SURE?

NOTHING.

Any and every other scenario is absolutely possible.

Does Rick Santorum REALLY BELIEVE he can win the nomination?

Why DOES Newt continue?

What is Ron Paul going to do with a couple hundred caucus delegates...tops?

Ron, Newtie, and Ricky...can't win. And yes...they DO know it.

They also know that The Not-So Mighty Mittster...can't win without AT LEAST ONE OF THEM.

So...what IF...NONE of them pass their Ace to Romney?

Open Convention...Please allow me to re-acquaint you with The Bush Family.

And...even though Romney's own endorsers (Gov. Chunky Monkey, included) barked about a Santorum victory in Michigan being the lead-in to an Open Convention...ANYONE with two eyes and half a brain...knew that Christie was full of shit...and that the RNC plan ALL ALONG was to PUMP UP SANTORUM...LET HIM DIG HIS OWN GRAVE (which he could do very easily)...and in the process have it APPEAR as though Tough Guy Mitt BEAT DOWN YET ANOTHER would-be Challenger.

But wait...

WasTricky Ricky REALLY CONCERNED that  Ron Paul had CONSPIRED with the Romney Camp to deprive him of a win in Michigan?

Did Santorum realize that Romney only needs ONE of them...and that if Ron Paul DID, or was even THINKING about cutting a deal...that would leave Tricky Ricky on the outside looking in?

So...is it POSSIBLE...that Santorum MADE HIS OWN DEAL...INTENTIONALLY SHOT HIMSELF, IN THE FOOT, ASS, AND OTHER BODY PARTS...set up a smokescreen with his claim that Ron Paul made a deal with Mitt...and has already accepted the VP nod?

There is much, much more of this to play out. And yes...I DO have specific thoughts on who has already done what, to who...and how all of this will eventually reveal itself.

Not-So Super Tuesday will answer some of the larger questions. But, ALL of the questions start from the proposition that...

THERE IS NO REPUBLICAN PARTY.

There are Three.

There is the Santorum Social Conservative Republican Party...

The Fiscally Conservative Pseudo-Tea/Republican We Can't Decide Between Ron Paul & Newt Gingrich Party...

And...The Inside The Beltway Thank God We've Got Romney Under Control Republican Party.

And...as long as no two of those three register a china pattern at Bloomie's...that Open Convention is STILL in play.

Any way you looked at Michigan and Arizona...ESPECIALLY if you paid CLOSE ATTENTION to what the OBVIOUS STOOGES were spouting (and, by now, you SHOULD KNOW who they are)...Santorum was either being set up for a huge fall, OR...was up to his ever-loving ASS in it.

I'll let you know the inside story...before the first vote it's cast next Tuesday. Between now and then...I'll be outlining additional possible combinations, conspiracies, and "WHAT'S IN IT FOR ME" scenarios...which I guarantee you are playing out in at least four campaign headquarters...and at one National Committe.

In the meantime...Don't Hate the Player, Baby...

...it's always been this Game that was full of shit.

But, if outbreaks off random "smugging" are what it takes to rock your world...come and get me...haha...

...especially you, Jenny McCarthy. Yeah, that's right...I said it.

Peace!
(Call me, Jenny)

Monday, February 27, 2012

It's From The Latin..."Santorum, Sanitarium..."

Alex, What is...the linguistic origin of the phrase, "Sphincter Clown"?

Well...there you have it. Try to get a few days of rest, even without the recreation. And, all you need to keep the ice bag full and the heating pad on high (obviously on different body parts) without your absence going completely noticed...is a little cooperation from Little Ricky.

But...since that's too much to ask for....let's chat about some of the why's and wherefore's that made this wekend the one that might have cost "Pope Dick the 1st"...whatever shot he may have had at getting a ticket to the big dance.

Fresh off of his 1) blowing by Romney in the National Polls, 2) creating an insurmountable lead in the Michigan Primary, and 3) turning Arizona into a real contest...(if any of it really ever took place)...Rick Santorum a) forgot how even the most conservative of catholics felt about JFK, b) reminded 18 year olds from  coast-to-coast that, "The world needs ditch-diggers, too"...and c) grossly violated the axiom which suggests that sometimes...the absolute best thing in the world to either say or do...is NOTHING!

I don't exactly know how to feel about Tricky Ricky today. He can't win the nomination. He would be a reprise of Barry Goldwater's electoral vote total. He could throw the nominating convention into a megadeth-fest. Damn...if he won Michigan...you could even see Jeb give his many minions a big TWO THUMBS UP...on the Sunday Morning shows in advance of Not-so Super Tuesday.

On the other hand...if a Michigan victory wasn't absolutely traceable to drunken crossover Democrats out on a political joyride...and, Arizona was significantly closer than anyone expected...Trash Limbaugh's suggestion that the Tea Baggers are alive and well...might have to be given both credence and attention.

As it stands however...Rick Santorum, the alleged "Lead" in National Polls...and a microphone, were just too much for this blithering buffoon to manage.

What a perfect time for Sanitarium to have three days of uninterrupted Leader Status. Israel didn't bomb Iran. No one lead an assault on Assad. Somali Pirates weren't yet aware that another Italian Cruise Ship had become disabled...this time within their operating area. No other prospective republican candidate entered the race.

And...Barack Obama didn't choke on a pretzel, blow chunks on a Japanese Leader, or fall off of a stage while campaigning.

The stage was alllllllllll yours, Sen. Sanitarium.

And, what did Tricky Ricky do with it?

Rick Santorum proclaimed, asserted AND declared, that he in fact IS...JFK, but without the money, the Machine, or...Marilyn Monroe.

Translation: "That guy in Santa Monica...who wrote all of that crazy shit about me, back in December...before all these primaries got started...well, MAYBE he wasn't as crazy as even I said he was."

Optional Translation: "Okay...I can see, where some people COULD say that I'm just the most recent choice of the group of republicans who are now taking over State Party Headquarters changing WE ARE THE SEVENTY-FIVE PERCENT."

Either way...when you add the fact that the polls, the republican establishment AND the pundits under their direct control (including Trash 4 Cash Limbaugh)...did everything in their power to portray Tricky Ricky not only as the bona fide frontrunner...but also sometimes who was as psychotic as the primary election cycle is long (at least for a weekend)...that microphone in Santorum's hand was not only a lethal weapon...it was actually a bazooka with a cemented barrel and a live firing pin.

There was only one possible result...and Tricky Ricky did NOT disappoint.

Why else would you have Chris "Chunky Monkey" Christie...spend an entire weekend, NOT singing the praises of the guy HE ENDORSED...but instead, opting to remind the republican faithful in Michigan, Arizona & elsewhere...that "A Santorum victory in Michigan would result in a brokered convention".

At a critical campaign period...would LITERALLY...your HUGEST SUPPORTER, on his own...opt to stop praising YOU...and start essentially declaring you to be worthy of a vote because you are "NOT AS NUTS AS THAT OTHER SICK BASTARD"?

I have to hand it to you, Pope Dick...you went farther with fewer dollars, fewer minions, fewer reasons why anyone should ever have given you a good look in the first place...and absolutely no discernable understanding of either procedure or process.

The good news was...you did make a silk purse out of a sow's ear. Unfortunately...what you thought was the lemonade you decided to celebrate with...came from something other than lemons.

In the end...the Beltway Boys got exactly what they had been orchestrating for three years. And, Ron Paul's mythical collaboration with The Mighty Mittster had absolutely nothing to do with it.

Could you have won this nomination IF you had heard Bella's cries, gone home for the weekend and just SHUT UP?

I'm not entirely sure.

But...fortunately, or otherwise...the world will never know; as your relevance ceased to be, almost from the moment you donned the Big Boy Pants and turned in your sippy cup.

Two wins for Romney...which now are reported with far greater significance than either should have had. Mitt's 9th most important Home State...and the home state of the previous republican nominee, who had been an endorser since about January of 2009.

Wow...Mitt should have had serious trouble wining those two states.

But Tuesday evening...it will be as though he had steamrolled Newt in a 2 man romp through Georgia and Alabama.

Ya know...when you think about it...a conspiracy theorist (our a visionary) could suggest that this was part of the gameplan all along.

How & Why?

Stop back after Mitt is projected in both states...and I'll be happy to shed light on why Tricky Ricky is now the ODDS ON FAVORITE to end up a Romney Veep. (As I noted weeks BEFORE Tricky Ricky stepped on his pee pee.)

Peace!

Thursday, February 23, 2012

Will The Real Master de Bator Please...GIVE IT A REST!

Thank GOD that 75%...of the 100% of the current republican presidential candidates...none of whom will be the republican NOMINEE FOR PRESIDENT...decided that it made NO SENSE to have a 101st Debate, in Newt's home district...and in the HQ city of the Consolidated Newt Network. (CNN)

Haven't we all had ENOUGH?

Why does every single thing that we try to do differently in this country end up  being done with a pendulum swing that ends up putting a freaking EYE OUT, ON BOTH FAR ENDS OF THE PENDULUM?

We wanted a SLIGHTLY CLEARER PICTURE of who the candidates were.

100 Debates into the process...

DOES  ANYONE NOT KNOW...WHO THE  ONLY REMAINING  CANDIDATE IS...WHO WON'T LOB CRUISE MISSILES INTO IRAN?

DOES ANYONE NOT KNOW THE AUTHOR OF ROMNEYCARE?

DOES ANYONE NOT KNOW WHO HAD 3 WIVES, GOT FINED, THROWN OUT OF THE HOUSE...AND HAS PRETENDED TO BE BOTH METHODIST AND CATHOLIC?

DOES ANYONE NOT KNOW WHO COULDN'T CARE LESS ABOUT THEIR DYING DAUGHTER...UNTIL SHE SHOWS UP A MINUTE LATE FOR HER CALL TIME AT A CAMPAIGN STOP?

It might, and I emphasize MIGHT be different...if this Gaggle of Hosers said ANYTHING DIFFERENT AT ANY two debates.

It MIGHT be different if ANY ONE of the B TEAM had a prayer of ACTUALLY BECOMING THE NOMINEE.

It MIGHT be different if 75% of the remaining NON-CANDIDATES  weren't so full of shit that their eyes were brown and explained their perpetual halitosis...

BUT...aside from the joy I get listening to Ron Paul... which is  tempered by the frustration I feel for him and his Band of Merry Men (& women)...I wouldn't DREAM of watching 2 MINUTES worth of this Modern Day ROMPER ROOM...unless some combination of Judy Jetson and Ellie May Clampett volunteered to throw in a sponge bath.

SO...while the rest of the Blogoshere tries to decide if ARLEN SPECTER will be the downfall of Rick Sanitarium...How about we focus on how things actually got to this point.

In the past...whenever it was determined that a sitting president was either vulnerable, or couldn't run again...double digit numbers of candidates turned out on one or both sides, to present themselves for your consideration.

Prior to the advent of the Internet, 24 hour news, and smart phones with enough memory to provide nonstop coverage of a Hundred Years War...endless candidate debates actually would have had value.

Only then...you never had endless debates, because every candidate had a 12 person RULES COMMITTEE, and it took 5 1/2 YEARS to get anybody to agree to where any debate would take place.

Networks didn't sponsor debates...and when all was said and done, there was only ever one debate, and it was conducted by, our under the auspices of "The League of Women Voters".

Now that we have 6000 debates...because some consultant told a candidate OTHER THAN NEWT..."Trust mer, the more the people SEE you...the more they will love you.

Unfortunately for members of the candidate community...what you rehearse spouting in any debate...may not be nearly as important as what you said, off the cuff...or, while your hot mike was still picking up your candid opinion regarding fried butter, the future stroke victims who consume fried butter, or how you think another candidate's wife looked in spandex.

Yes...it IS true. The more you know about someone you never met, and can only vaguely remember their freaking NAME...the easier it is to form the kind of bond that will get you to vote for them, give them money, not worry about pissing off your neighbors by blocking their pristine view with your 47 yard signs...our even become the campaign's traveling "morale booster".

However...none of those things will EVER HAPPEN...if, in the process of exciting prospective "morale boosters"...

YOU BORE THEM TO DEATH WITH BULLSHIT STORIES ABOUT ARLEN SPECTER...THAT HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO BEARING...ON ANYTHING!

Here is why this year's debates have virtually guaranteed that the sitting president will still be sitting this time next year...and beyond.

1. "Candidates" like Herman Cain, Rick Perry and Michele Bachman...were flat out JOKES! These Ass Clowns would have done more for their "careers" by doing 5 minutes at an Open Mike at the Unurban Cafe in Santa Monica on a Thursday or Sunday night.

Not only did they take time away from Jon Huntsman...who probably was the best candidate the republican party HAD...but, they also kept Buddy Roemer & Gary Johnson off the stage entirely.

Michele Bachmann is Sarah Palin with a brain & without a leather mini. NEITHER OF WHICH GAVE HER ANY RIGHT TO PARTICIPATE IN 57 DEBATES!

Herman Cain knew HOW MANY "CAINETTES" CALLED HIS CLOSET "HOME". However...since narcissists, BY DEFINITION...don't care about anything other than how many times they get to splay their own face across the airwaves...or splay  various waves across the faces of new Cainette Applicants...Herman Cain wasn't getting out of that race until the seeing eye dog blabbed about who did what, to the three blind mice.

And, to again quote Karl Rove...

"Rick Perry is an idiot".

2. Rick Santorum...who would have been included in #1, above...but for the fact that he wouldn't last FIVE SECONDS on any stage at any Open Mike night...anywhere.

To literally even allow Santorum to debate ONCE...gave him credibility that even now, he thinks he somehow deserves. SO WHAT that spent a week as the frontrunner. EVERYONE DID! AND, SANTORUM HAD TO WAIT IN LINE BEHIND BACHMANN & CAIN TO DO IT.

If Pawlenty & Huntsman were still around, I'd bet MY GOOD EYE they would still get their shot.

Oh...and by the way...100 years of Chicago Cub Fans STRENUOUSLY OBJECT to the media Hanging the "SANTO" tag around RICK SANATARIUM'S NECK.  Ron Santo could not only hit the curveball, BUT...WOULD HAVE MADE A MUCH BETTER PRESIDENT.

3. People didn't need to know more about Newt to hate him. Reminding them 89  times...DID HOWEVER...clear up any remaining ambiguity, and dispense with the benefit of any doubt.

4.  The incessant attacks on Willard McBain ultimately forced him to respond. He wouldn't have had to respond, if there WEREN'T 100 debates.

Yes...all of that crap would have been flung at him in the General...WHERE he could have EFFECTIVELY defended against it by saying Obama was desperate, and grasping at air.

It also didn't help to offer to bet Rick Perry, grant personhood status to corporations, OR reveal that when you REALLY need a FRIEND...YOU RUIN DIRECTLY TO DONALD J. CHUMP.

The good news is, republicans got a great new campaign slogan that the ultimate nominee can utilize.

"IT'S THE ECONOMY YA F'ING REALLY POOR WHINERS! GO OUT AND GET THREE JOBS...BECAUSE FIRING YOU ONCE  JUST ISN'T ENOUGH TO GET LITTLE MITT MARCHIN'...If ya know what I mean."

Translation: Dogpiling on the Romney made him angry...And, made voters understand that...You won't like Mitt...when he's angry.

And, as it turns out...Mitt and "Angry" hookup even more frequently than Sarah Palin and 88% of the NBA.

5. Even though Ron Paul makes more and more sense during all 6 minutes of every debate which he participates in...Once you get "labeled" a wackjob...it doesn't matter HOW MANY times you run for president.

In their eyes...you'll always, be  Batshit Crazy.

So...here we are, 100 debates in...a week from Super Tuesday, and as it turns out, the smart money is now finally agreeing with what I said before  the first candidate walked out onto the first stage...

Ater ALL OF THAT DEBATING...

The REAL  2012 Nominee of the republican party...hasn't said a single word.

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Forgive Them Father, For They Know Not What They Do

In a way, I hate to write about Rick Santorum on back-to-back days.

However, there hasn't been as much religion injected into an election of any type or kind, since Pope Clement IV died in 1268... And, it took the College of Cardinals over three years to elect Pope Gregory X.

During that electoral process three Cardinals died, one resigned...and in the end, only the most feared occurrence in modern day republican politics...a "Brokered Convention," put an end to three years, of Delegates (Cardinals) being locked in the Palazzo dei Papi di Viterbo, where they had existed the entire time on no more than bread, water and bushels of already sucked corn cobs.

If you don't know what the cobs were for...GO ASK SOMEONE ELSE. I won't tell. And, you can't nmake me.

The point is...while there have been a severly limited number of elections where God either had a horse in the race or a hand in the outcome...

...NONE OF THOSE ELECTIONS were for the purpose of selecting a President of The Untied States of America.

Now however...where the Evangelical Christian Movement is one of The Three Faces of Abe...republicans from coast-to-coast and in Guam, the U.S. Virgin Islands, and yes, even Puerto Rico and Washington, DC., are at least as concerned...if not more concerned about a candidate's religion, than where he stands on guns, gays and global warning.

On the republican side of the equation, two pretend Catholics split the bulk of the God vote, at present...with some lesser portion being siphoned off by the Mormon (Danger, Will Robinson)...while the only real member of an organized Protestant Religion can't even find out if there's an opening for a Soprano in the Gospel Choir.

All of this despite the fact that Newt Gingrich is on his THIRD WIFE and second religion...ALL FIVE of which were chosen in order to give Newt what at least he felt were a series of steps-up, which at least he felt made him a slihhtly more charismatic version of The  Pied Piper.

When quizzed about his 27 Volume "Journal of Personal and Professional Failings," Newt talks about being a "Flawed Hero". Most of the rest of the nation has taken to simply calling him a douchebag, The Fat Lizard, or "that guy who kept taking his pants off in the reality television show, "Reptiles Gone Wild".

Gov. Mormon never misses a chance to take reporters' questions on his but...then only ever answers even the simplest of questions by indicating that he needs to go into far greater detail on such an excellent question...and will have to have a member of his staff get back to them  once he has read and approved of the specific content of the response.

Rick Santorum is getting the )lion's share of the Evangelical Wing of the republican party...notwithstanding the fact that the most prominent and more nationally recognized Protestant Ministers have near universally referred to the Catholic Church as a cult, or worse...at one time or another.

To Ron Paul's credit, and without suggesting he actually could have gotten the endorsement of any such organization...Paul is the only republican candidate whose message stays the same whether he's talking to shoe salesmen, freelance goat ropers, or an Ecumenical Prayer Breakfast.

Alright, I get part of it. Politicians running for national office have to pander to every religious group to be successful or have even a prayer (pun intended) of success. And, since they seriously need to be...alot like everyone else...it really doesn't matter what time or day it is when you stop being yourself.

Romney gets hammered for at one point having at least moderate views on abortion and gay marriage. Rick Santorum even reminded the voters watching most of the debates, that HE was "the only candidate on stage" whose opinions on abortion had never changed. He was even willing to back it all up with materials from previous campaigns.

The bad news for Tricky Ricky...was that other people had some of those position papers, too. And, those people couldn't wait to reveal that The Trickster's earlier positions...were even more moderate than Mitt Romney.

Of course, Santorum can explain it away...just like Romney did. Just like  Gingrich did...and completely unlike how Ron Paul will never be called upon to finess his way out of that kind of trouble.

Romney and Gingrich also had to explain their past or present positions on gay marriage and civil unions...none of which jive with Evangelical philosophy...but still need to be good enough to lop off a few percentage points which Santorum's dying daughter managed to snag in the form of the full scale endorsement of Dr. James Dobson, andhis collection of spiritual legends in their own minds.

The one difference between Santorum  and the rest however is as simple as it is disgusting.

Santorum just won't quit.

Romney and Gingrich don't invite or encourage the God questions. You can even see either of those well-schooled and well-rehearsed egomaniacs become visibly anxious
as they attempt to redirect the inquiry...by serving up an answer to a question never asked.

And, while Romney and Gingrich initiate their own personal version of dodgeball...Santorum has finished yet again declaring his status as husband, father and spiritual "Man of the Year...and is now reciting his stance on contraception devices, stem cells, pre-natal care...and of course, public education from kindergarten to graduate school.

This is just about the time when republican leaders everywhere look at each other during a video conference call, shake their heads, throw a dart at a Romney photo on the back of their office doors, and just pray...that Santorum doesn't soon get HIS chance play the role of Sarah Palin, anytime in the foreseeable future.

Yes, I completely understand that the seeking of the Presidency is a sickness which has driven at least a couple hundred people to have risked all, spent all, abandoned family, friends, careers, and other people, places and things of greater actual or sentimental value than the than $400,000 salary which comes with the office.

Yes, I get fact that March 5, 2012 will be the last time that even Santorum himself, will be able  to even fantasize about "what might have been".

And, while we as a nation are controlled to a particilarly overwhelming degree by deranged demagogues like Rick Santorum...who BELIEVES GOD SPOKE TO HIM... voice to voice, and said, "Ricky...you're my guy"...

...the same living God who has a plan for our lives, and who wants this nation to be singled out among all others...FOR GREATNESS...WOULD THEN GIVE HIS PERFECT PLAN...TO RICK SANTORUM TO CARRY OUT??

There is an irony I had been unable to effectively resolve for decades. Our God has won every Super Bowl,  National Finals Rodeo Event, and People's Choice Award for best film produced in a language which absolutely NO ONE in ANY theatre had understood  so much as a single word.

I know this because every quarterback, bullrider and Fellini wannabe has told me exactly that as soon as the first microphone was shoved in their face.

I guess what I don't get...is why "The King of Lies" (Satan...would spend his every waking hour trying to bring down the Untied States of America.

During a previous campaign for public office, Santorum said:

"This is a spiritual war. And, the Father of Lies has his sights on what you would think the Father of Lies would have his sights on; a good, decent, powerful and influential country...the Untied States of America. If you were Satan, who would you attack in this day and age."

C'mon, Rick. The King of Lies?? He's  still trying to  use the USA as the first domino on the way to WORLD DOMINATION?

CHILL OUT...ALL OF YOU RIGHT,WING Hacks!

Satan wasn't here looking to bring b us down when Tricky Ricky ran into him.  He was just trying to get a re-fi without any docs (from Countrywide)...and looking to bundle as many credit default swaps as  possible. I understand he already had a buyer, too.

Some dumbass former Senator from Pennsylvania who had actually sold  his own soul to the King on the day the clown was first elected to Congress...and didn't read the fine print.

THAT would certainly explain why  Ricky's hair and eyes are brown, he's got a greatg tanand his breath always smells like shit.

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

The Audacity of Dope...And Other Stories

Before I even begin...please join me in welcoming Stephen Colbert back to the airwaves. God Bless and be with you, your Mother and your family as you go through these trying times. You will prevail.

In terms of the ongoing goings on in the political spectrum...I'm not a person who is easily impressed by many politicians. On the other hand, in this election cycle, I can honestly say I've been the victim of more than a couple drive-by "Shock & Awes"...and even a few more "F'in Guffaws" at the hands of the current crop of Boyz to Men who would be King.

Take Newt for example...

Even before his victory in South Carolina, he was calling for others to get out of the race. After his one and only win of this primary season...he essentially demanded that Rick Sanitarium "Get Out" of the competition, in a voice that sounded eerily like that of the possessed house from "The Amityville Horror".

The Fat Lizard has renewed this invitation to Santorum several times since then...even as Tricky Ricky has become "that ass that Newt now requires a spyglass to identify off in the distance".

Far be it from Newt however, to be in anyway bound by the reality which dictates the reactions of any rational human being. Newt now not only continues to suggest that the time is right for Santorum to get out...but also suggests that if "Gov. Romney doesn't win his Home State of Michigan...he should get out, too".

This, of course...coming from the guy who started out last week calling the three other remaining candidates "Chickens" for not debating him IN HIS HOME STATE...and proclaiming he would not only crush them in Georgia...but also bitch-slap them in reverse alphabetical order, while filming himself abusing the adult female members of their respective families.

Then...Rick Santorum played to an even bigger crowd than Newt...at First Redeemer Church in Cumming, GA...IN THE CONGRESSIONAL DISTRICT WHICH NEWT REPRESENTED FOR TWO DECADES.

Now...Newt says, "Hey...that stuff I said about Romney...not winning his HOME STATE being a reason to quit...well, none of that applies to me".

Just like the Newt, Newt, Newtster. One set of rules for the rest of the planet...no rules at all when it comes to you and that fifth dimension that you routinely reconfirm that only you have access to...and none of us  could ever comprehend or even appreciate.

On a note which I've yet to determine the Ironic Character thereof...Rick Santorum continues to sound so much more like Newt  in certain respects...that I'm pretty sure his visit to First  Redeemer Church  in Cumming, Georgia...might have been in part a search for a nice piece of property on which to build a home in Newtieville, "Where life is wonderful ALL THE TIME,"  where rules don't apply, and where, "They're Coming To Take Me Away...Haha, Hoho, Hehe.".

In the last few weeks, Santorum...a possessor of the benefit of the finest health care insurance that taxpayer funds could ever secure on his behalf...declares that every American should be responsible for paying "ONE HUNDRED PERCENT" of their own medical expenses. A notion made even more interesting by the fact that even his own largest financial backers have and are making it the standard operating procedure of their own businesses, to turn full-time jobs into part-time jobs...so as to avoid purchasing, or even partially contributing toward health care benefits for their employees.

Santorum has also indicated that he opposes all forms of pre-natal care, on the wildly misguided theory that pre-natal care promotes abortion.

Tell that to the countless thousands of families who, as a direct result of knowing the challenges being faced by their unborn children...have benefited by the early detection and even, God forgive me...treatment with so-called "orphan drugs" whose application may be intended for literally only TENS of people worldwide...and whose existence WOULDN'T...without the knowledge and understanding gained by exactly the type and kind of treatment protocol which Sanitarium would declared unlawful.

Tricky Ricky wants to eliminate public education because, well... HIS KIDS DID FINE WITHOUT IT.

Funny...that kinda sounds like the way in which Warren Jeffs justified home-schooling the kids in his polygamist compound, as well.

Santorum would also spend less time trying to get more kids into college, too. This because, as he indicates..."Colleges is where them utes is bein' indoctrinated against all things God, war and apple freakin'pie!"

I guess this is also why the Rickster would kill the college loan program.

So you see...you don't even have to get to pages 9 to 300 when you Google Santorum anymore, to realize that he's gonna love living in Newtieville.

That stuff he said about gay marriage leading to "man on dog love" and guys wanting  to "marry inanimate objects...such as the  Eiffel Tower"...

That's old news.

Just keep your ears peeled. Ricky, and his wife who slept with and was, under Pennsylvania law, the common law wife OF THE DOCTOR WHO FIRST SLAPPED HER ASS WHEN SHE WAS SIX SECONDS OLD...his home schooled kids...who quit college to join a campaign that (mini successes aside) has absolutely NO CHANCE to succeed, well, let's just say...

If past performance is any indicator of future successes...this crew will be banging out new and even more wildly irrational, if not diagnostically insane ideas which will keep the Google catalogers busy until the year 2525.

Now...having said that, and looking at the total non-existence of a legitimate candidate within the current republican ranks; I would posit a simple theory, by asking an even more basic question.

Is it my imagination...or, does Rick Santorum sound EXACTLY like each and EVERY republican attack dog Vice as presidential candidate since at least Richard Nixon...was ordered to sound like?

Sure, Ronald Reagan Ronald Reagan Ronald Reagan, didn't NEED an attack dog (since his other 5 personalities were an entire attack dog litter)...but...look at the rest.

Nixon
Spiro T. Agnew
Nelson Rockefeller
Bob Dole
Dan Quayle
Jack Kemp
Dick Cheney
Sarah Palin

I mean...you couldn't really expect Rick Santorum to stand up to Barack Obama in a debate. In fact...before the cuttin' was done the only parts that wouldn't be bloody would be the soles of the crazy man's feet.

On the other hand...watching Joe Biden and Tricky Ricky trying to pull each other's sweaters over their heads while they were just WAILING on one another...WOW!

I went to a Vice-Presidential Debate...AND A HOCKEY GAME BROKE OUT!

Do ya feel me, Jeb?

Thanks, and have a GREAT week!

Sunday, February 19, 2012

Welcome To Dysfunction Junction...

What an AMAZING country...these Untied States of Euphoria.

We confuse ourselves and then disavow any knowledge of our actions.

We promote actively, causes which when brought forward by others, so shock our conscience that "something should be done about THOSE people".

We claim to have a single standard by which we are all expected to contribute to some "greater good"...and be judged thereupon.

We have one rule; one standard, which apples all day, every day, in each and every life circumstance...until of course, WE, someone WE agree with, or someone in a position of power who is willing to zealously advocate in support of our own hypocrisy...acts in contravention of all that is right and good.

In that case it's time for us to  DISTINGUISH those actions, from the standard which we swore applied to everybody...in every situation...except of course, THIS ONE.

The sad but true fact is this exact situation plays out so many times on any, and every day in the Untied States that in reality...there is one thing we never mention, which is as certain as death and taxes...and more destructive than either, or both.

A rock solid 45% of the Untied States wouldn't elect a republican, in some cases even IF, His name was Jesus Christ...and in other cases, just because His name was Jesus Christ.

Another 45% of the Untied States has statutorily legislated the color Blue out of existence.

In point of fact...the remaining 10% of the Untied States actually manages to determine the outcome of presidential elections.

The good news, for parties and candidates is...fewer people to convince in the final days of an election, AND...plenty of available consultants who pretty much have that part of the process figured out.

The bad news...for 90% out the electorate...is that in primary campaigns Red & Blue Candidates run to opposite ends of the spectrum at warp speeds in order to have any hope of having the Infamous 10% having any relevance in their world, later on.

Then...the fringe candidate with the better consultants is elected...and 100% end up hating him...because he either did, or didn't do what his own party expected...the 10% don't have to care again for 4 years...and to the 45% in the party opposite...an on-the-air, Meet the Press suicide would be the only gesture of cooperation which would be deemed a proper effort at reaching across party lines.

So...what is this third thing in our lives which is as certain as death and less acceptable than either or both? Let me illustrate it this way.

Fred W. Phelps is routinely excoriated by oh, I don't know...everybody and anybody.

Why?

Because...Fred is a Baptist Minister?

No...

Because Fred is a disbarred lawyer?

Possibly...if you were an ex-client. But, in terms of the universal hated...

No...

Because, "God Hates Fags"...and personally called Fred to bring that word to all the nations AND to U.S. Soldiers' Funerals?

You Betcha!

On the other hand...Rick Santorum  equates gay marriage to pedophilia, bestiality and "objectum sexual"...and the republican party makes him it's most recent frontrunner for the Office of the most powerful person in the world.

Mr. Santorum speaks of being "called by God"...and told to seek the Office. He states this during the same campaign, and at least at one time...on the same STAGE as Rick Perry, Herman Cain AND Michele Bachmann.

Was God hedging his bet? Did God become modestly fallible since the days when he raised His Son from the dead? Or, did He just want the Independent 10% to know that at least this time around...not even they could alter the outcome of His election?

We attack Fred Phelps, and justifiably so, for suggesting that anyone who disagrees with his brand of "Christianity" is the cause of the downfall of American Society.

On the other hand...when Rick Santorum proclaims that American Downfall is the result of the President's "Phony Theology...NOT BASED ON THE BIBLE"...other "Christians" band together and reinforce his status as "Frontrunner du Jour".

We care so deeply and passionately for victim's of rape and incest that we afford the judicial system the ability  to impose LIFE SENTENCES on those who commit the offense.

On the other hand...when Rick Santorum calls a pregnancy which results FROM A VIOLENT RAPE..."A GIFT FROM GOD"...at least one political party would pat him on the back and hand him a case full of nuclear launch codes.

We praise Jesus for not handing the family of Lazarus, a detailed bill on his way out the door after raising the poor bastard from the dead..."For Services Rendered," of course.

We give Santorum a standing ovation when he says that EVERY American should be responsible of every dollar of every medical bill ever presented to them...by a system which bills individuals often 3 to 5 times what is submitted to insurance...and which  has resulted in a full 35% of new bankruptcy filings being driven by
Medical Expenses.

Oh...and we give Sen. Santorum the best health care, pension and overall benefit package this side of being one of the cadre of Former CEOs who came from, or went to, Goldman Sachs before or after their time in Congress, or a Presidential Administration.

Like most other "small government" pretend republicans, Santorum wants to get government off of your back...or rather off of the backs of his own Peeps. When it comes to everyone else, however...Santorum wants to nationalize the definition of marriage, prosecute abortion doctors in every state, expand the abuses of the Patriot Act, invade Iran, close ALL medical marijuana dispensaries...and of course serve as the perfect "Steward of God's Earth," by letting oil companies drill, anytime  anywhere, under any circumstances...and regardless of consequence.

Can anyone quote me Chapter or Verse which God even implies that the gang-raping of Mother Earth constitutes "Good Stewardship"?

Hypocrisy...is hypocrisy.

A president should absolutely be more than a mere honorable person. They can't just avoid impropriety. They must also avoid even the appearance of impropriety. And, when Santorum publicly proclaims that HIS Christianity is better than The President's Christianity...and that The President's political agenda is not "biblical in origin"...and follows those points by talking about what a remarkable "Constitutional lawyer," he (Santorum) is...and closes, FINALLY WITH A REFERENCE TO THE Rev. Jeremiah Wright... A Weekend WTF? Thoughts at 3 A.M. http://thoughtsatthreeam.blogspot.com/?spref=tw

Well, Senator...the age old expression which suggests, "Sometimes...if ya just let 'em talk...you'll get your answer without even asking the question...definitively applies to you.

I didn't even have to ask you where you stand in relation to Fred W. Phelps.

He is obviously your spiritual mentor...and the other disgraced pretend Christian...who stands next to you at Westboro Baptist...to your immediate left.

Thanks to all who have clicked on ads on this page in support of this blog. There is so more to be spoken in truth, as well as in good humor clicking ads costs you nothing but maybe 3 minutes of time. If possible..please click 3 ads and start at each for one minute. This will help Google to help me make you laugh harder, live longer...and know the truth you won't likely hear anywhere else.

Peace!

Saturday, February 18, 2012

You Asked For It...So Here It Is: Your Weekend W-T-F?

Newt Gingrich spent much of this past week in California trying to raise money. On one evening, Newt and potential campaign contributors slept overnight at The San Diego Zoo's very popular "Sounds of the Jungle" Tour...where you get to camp out  in the zoo so you can hear (and see) what happens at night.

You would have to say the results of the outing were "mixed" at best, however. Yes, Newt did get to feed a a Giant Panda and raise a small boat load of campaign cash.

On the downside...one of the Zookeepers apparently mistook the candidate for "Saint George"...the Zoo's world famous Komodo Dragon...and accidentally "darted" The Fat Lizard, as he attempted to leave the park in the morning.

On an even sadder note...when park officials were ultimately unable to locate one of the Zoo's newborn Dingos...the Caretaker of the Dingo exhibit was forced to explain the disappearance and attempt to console the young mother by suggesting, "I fink da Lizard ate your Baby".

The overnight program has since been suspended indefinitely...with all future political fundraising activities cancelled, outright.

WTF?

While some Maine republican officials are calling for the State Party Chairman to resign over the recent "Caucus Interruptus" debacle...the embattled and embittered Chairman issued A SECOND DECLARATION that Mitt Romney won the weekend Caucus...by an even larger margin...even though he was AGAIN forced to subsequently acknowledge that the vote totals OF ENTIRE TOWNS IN MULTIPLE COUNTIES...HAVE YET TO BE COUNTED.

WTF?

The White House predicted on Friday that the balance of 2012 would see the nation generate EXACTLY...2 Million Additional New Jobs.

This prediction of course...brought to you by THE SAME PEOPLE WHOSE UNEMPLOYMENT NUMBERS, GDP, MONTHLY JOBLESS CLAIMS...AND EVEN MONTHLY "JOBS CREATED" NUMBERS...are routinely "adjusted" up, down, and even sideways THIRTY-FIVE TIMES...TO CREATE POSITIVE STOCK MARKET REACTIONS...BEFORE THE SAME PEOPLED WHO MADE THIS PREDICTION...ALWAYS ANNOUNCE THAT NONE OF THERE "PREDICTIONS" SHOULD BE MISTAKEN FOR ANYTHING OTHER THAN, "Happy Horseshit".

WTF?

Billionaire Sheldon Adelson, hands over A THIRD BLOCK OF ANOTHER TEN MILLION DOLLARS ($30M IN ALL) to Newt Gingrich. The man cuts full time jobs, to part time jobs at his business...to avoid having to pay health care and other benefits to people making MINIMUM FUCKING WAGE...AND HANDS A GUY WITH NO BETTER CHANCE THAN I have of becoming President...THIRTY MILLION DOLLARS TO PISS RIGHT DOWN THE DRAIN!

WTF?

Sarah Palin...costs John McCain the only real chance at the presidency that he ever had...quits her job as the elected Chief Executive of a State...whores herself out to every media outlet willing to cut her a check, seduces a then up and coming NBA superstar because...AS THE PLAYER PUT IT..."SARAH AND HER SISTER  HAD A THING FOR BLACK GUYS"...stands in the pulpit of churches and tells entire congregations that GOD ROUTINELY CALLED HER (no doubt disguising his voice as that of an NBA PLAYER) and told her to run for political offices...SAID ONLY FIVE MONTHS AGO THAT SHE HAD NO INTEREST IN RUNNING FOR PRESIDENT...IS STILL THE ABSOLUTE LAUGHING STOCK OF ANY AND EVERY POLITICAL PARTY...and TODAY,  can't shut up about how ready willing and able she is to SKIP THE PRIMARY PROCESS...BUT STEP IN AND ACCEPT THE REPUBLICAN NOMINATION AT AN OPEN CONVENTION.

WTF?

Rick Santorum is opposed to public education, thinks COLLEGE is not only "NOT FOR EVERYONE," but also thinks the "primary purpose" served by colleges is to "INDOCTRINATE THE YOUNG"...thinks that "ALL PEOPLE SHOULD PAY 100% OF THEIR OWN MEDICAL EXPENSES"...TROTS HIS DYING DAUGHTER OUT ON THE CAMPAIGN TRAIL WHENEVER HE NEEDS A SYMPATHY BOOST...GAVE AN INTERVIEW WHERE HE SAID THAT, ON LEARNING OF HER ILLNESS, HAD FIRST DECIDED "TO HATE HER"...IN ORDER TO MAKE HER DEATH "EASIER ON HIM"...and REPEATEDLY suggests that for all of these reasons...GOD CALLED HIM TO DIRECT THE FUTURE COURSE OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA...

WTF?

Ron Paul has more of a plan for the success of this country than any republican...and can't win a primary. Dennis Kucinich may be the most knowledgeable member of the House...and is being re-districted out of a job...while Little Johnny Boner will be puffing on Kool's and crying in the Speaker's Chair for the next hundred years.

WTF?

Major internet, cable & other news outlets are routinely pulling just enough of our material off of this site so they can create their own content...without feeling the need   to give an acknowledgment...let alone attribution.

WTF?

We're going to make WTF a regular Saturday morning feature for awhile. If you like it...let us know by clicking on a few extra ads...(at no cost to you, of course) so Google can further subsidize our Mission. If You DON'T like the concept...let  us know...BY CLICKING ON A FEW EXTRA ADS...so Google can subsidize our Mission.

Honestly...we can't thank you enough for each click. It truly does keep us in business. All we ask is three extra minutes of your time. Click three ads, and stay at each, for one minute per ad. Then come back tomorrow and every day...to laff  learn...and become a part of the real world around you.

Peace!

Friday, February 17, 2012

Thank You, Mr. Gingrich. The Next Question is for Mr...Gingrich

You just KNEW when Snootie Newtie was the only one of then about a dozen or so candidates to accept the invitation to participate in the ill-fated Donald Chump Debate...that somehow that wouldn't be the last of this presidential cycle's "CANCELLATIONS".

Yeah sure...If Chump hadn't formally cancelled the earlier affair, there is NO DOUBT that The Fat Lizard would have actually shown up, KNOWING that he would be asked EVERY question. And, yes...of course he would have been under an inordinate amount of pressure, with no time between questions to re-group or collect himself. Perhaps...Newt would even say something SO ridiculous in response to a question, that Newt might have been compelled to even "GO AFTER" Newt in a follow up question...OR, request an additional thirty second period of time to respond to something that Newt said in his previous answer, since in that previous answer, his name was mentioned.

But, in order to get the full picture on what happened today...you have to look behind the "that was then and this is now" nature of what was occurred in connection with the Chump Debate.

The Chump Debate would have been early in the process. The world (other than the good people here at "Thoughts") felt that Mitt was "The Chosen"...that Newt had already been taken off of life support...knew that Tricky Ricky Sanitarium prayed every night to one day be at least treated with the respect of a D-List Cartoon Character, and that Rick W. Perry was still showing up to major events both drunk AND stupid.

Apparently, when he was at "Candidate School," no one told Rick W. that you COULD show up EITHER drunk, OR stupid...but never BOTH. Kinda makes it a Hobson's Choice when you and Stupid are Siamese Twins.

In any event...now that we are down to only four candidates...NONE OF WHOM will ever be the nominee of the republican party (at least not for President...in 2012)...the boys at CNN (headquartered in Atlanta, GA) were gittin' real 'cited-like, about their up-cummin' DE-bate...to be held in that Cosmopolitan Capital of North Georgia, and which would take place just a few days before "Super Tuesday".

What's so "Super" about Super Tuesday in this election cycle, is another situation as mysterious as the international bewilderment over the notion that Rick Sanitarium does appear to be able to walk upright...and occasionally mutter a borderline cogent collection of syllables which doesn't leave Jesus Christ shaking his head and penning yet another formal apology.

Hey...I SAID, "OCCASIONALLY".

But, back to Georgia...

Of COURSE, Newt accepted the invitation to the last dance before the Fat Lady belts out the names of all four of the four finalists. This time, however...Ron Paul, Mitt and Tricky Ricky didn't have Donald Chump to kick around and use as any part of the reason why they would not be able to attend. With all three rejecting an opportunity to participate in the CNN Debate due to "SCHEDULING ISSUES"...the real reason (singular) for their dissing of "The Wolf" had really nothing to do with Mr. Blitzer, at all. This, notwithstanding the fact that during the last CNN De-bacle...even my 96 year old Great Aunt called me from 3000 miles away to tell me that if Wolf had been within "bitch-slapping distance"...HIS "obnoxious little ass" WAS HERS!

But again, since we always try to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth...in ways which make the truth even funnier than you thought it could be...let's take a look at the real reason why the collection of remaining republican presidential candidates whose names don't end with, "FAT LIZARD"...decided to GANG-TAZE their reptilian cohort, while being willing to simultaneously run the risk of incurring the wrath of the world's 13th or 14th ranked 24/7/365 (actually 366) all re-ran news, all the time cable outlet.

Mitt can't stop the Santorum Surge. So...why give the current Team Captain of the Knights Templar one more opportunity to deliver a highly suspect soprano rendition of "Onward Christian Soldiers"...when you could otherwise force him to get his message out to much smaller audiences by requiring either the purchase of 30 second television commercials...or, wading through North Dakota pig farms carrying an oxygen tank and a 40 gallon drum of Fabreze? (Or, perhaps...landing a Guest Starring role on "Glee".)

If you're Tricky Ricky...and you're buying into the fact that you're a week or so away from "Fisting the Mittster" in one of his 19 "Home States," to wit., Michigan...and, that you might even pull off the big upset in Arizona...Well, no need to let Gov. Mormon have a chance to get back in the game by his shining an unanticipated light into your closet just a couple of nights before the Big Game.

And...if you're Ron Paul...and you realize that Super Tuesday is nothing more than...the day before you unofficially and informally kick off your 3rd Party Campaign...In THAT case, wouldn't showing up for THAT debate be kinda like Bill Daley using the White House Xerox machine to copy his resume for three weeks before he quit as Chief of Staff? Just not cool...even in tough economic times.

On the other hand...IF, CNN had decided to hold this debate in, for example...Aliquippa, Pennsylvania??
Might Tricky Ricky have been willing to cruise into an ice rink that only HE knew was twelve feet smaller than regulation...and where only he knew EXACTLY how to play the carom off of the boards?

Would Mitt have agreed to appear IF, CNN allowed him to select the "home state" of his choice as the debate location...AND, allowed only the 3,240 members of Mitt's Immediate and Extended Family to attend?? AND, for one night only...lifted the "please hold your applause til the end" restriction?

Would Ron Paul have perhaps JUMPED at the chance to do the dance, IF and only if...CNN agreed to change the name of the program to "The CNN First-Ever Republican-Libertarian-Tea Party-Americans Elect-What the HELL was the name of that Ross Perot Party-Oh, For God's Sake Can We Just Audit The Damned FED And Get It Over With...Party Debate"????? I suspect, he would. Especially if the event could be co-sponsored by N.O.R.M.L., take place at Arizona State University's Grady Gammage Auditorium, and feature a warm up duet by Kelly Clarkson and Snoop Dogg singing, "Why Don't We Do It in The Road"?

In case you're wondering what I'll be doing in 2016...I'll be producing presidential debates for CNN.

But again, back to Atlanta...

Newt Gingrich is, contrary to his rather unique interpretation of the next chapter of his Personal Nostradarian Prognosticatory Fantasy...two weeks away from having his official job title change from "Disgraced Former Speaker of the House AND Presidential Candidate"...to, very simply..."Serial Sexual Predator and Fat Lizard...and, oh yeah...Disgraced Former Speaker, blah, blah, blah."

So...if you were Ron Paul, The Ghost of Joseph Smith, or a psycho-sociopathic Senator turned lobbyist whose wife was still sleeping with a 70+ year old guy...until about an hour before you begged her to marry you...you MIGHT not want to give "Newt of the NINETEEN LIVES," one more chance at his 18th personal renaissance...BY DEBATING HIM...not just in his adopted home state...but WITHIN WALKING DISTANCE OF THE CONGRESSIONAL DISTRICT HE REPRESENTED FOR TWO DECADES...AND COULD LIKELY WIN AGAIN, if the Evil Spirit moved him.

Sure, CNN...like the entire rest of the world thought Newt would have been signing books, cultivating BP as a lobbying client, cashing checks from Fannie & Freddie...and interviewing potential wives who were hot enough to get him elected in 2024, by this time. I get that. But SERIOUSLY, CNN...as it got closer to drop dead day, ASK YOURSELVES...Would it have more embarrassing to buy Wolfie & Friends plane tickets TO A NEUTRAL LOCATION...WHERE THERE WAS NO UPCOMING PRIMARY TAKING PLACE AND WHERE NONE OF THE CANDIDATES HAD A QUITE LITERAL "IN-BRED ADVANTAGE"...or to have the "Gaggle of Three confirm everything Bill O'Reilly says about you...independently, and in one fell swoop?

Having said all of that...I'm still as pissed as Newt, about you actually canceling the debate. Just like Donald Chump...you COULD have put Newt up there all by himself. You could even have had FOUR podiums. You COULD have made Newt answer each question from behind a different podium. You COULD have required each answer to be representative of each VERSION of Newt which he has been since becoming a Member of Congress in 1979.  He's already up to "Newt: Version 9.0"...So, you had at least five podiums to spare.

It would be Newt that had to worry about things...not CNN. He WOULD have to be careful answering anything in Newt: 4.0.  That had a TON of bugs in it. And, sure...Newt 6.0 was completely unstable (shades of Newt 1.0, which apparently would crash anywhere)...and yeah, Newt 9.0 is still in Beta...so there's really no telling WHAT THAT Newt might say or do.

But, DAMN...that could have been great TV...the BEST and most informative OF the 726 debates thus far...AND, maybe even YOUR call from the Big Club which might give you one last chance to get back to "The Show". As it stands now...you've got nuthin'. We've got nuthin'. Damn...we better not stand too close to each other. People might think we're the Republican National Committee.

Next time...have at least three live brain cells, maybe a hair or two on your collective ass...and at least one ball that doesn't say Rawlings on it. You could have made this happen.

Peace!
THANKS to Readers for your continued support. As the real race begins to take shape we would honestly love to move to multiple Postings per day. To aid in that process...we only need three minutes of your time. Three ad clicks, one minute per ad...and I assure you...we will have the flexibility and freedom to make far more of your day, even brighter. For the next two weeks...give us three clicks...for three minutes...every day. It's free for you, and freedom for us. You won't be disappointed. Thanks, again!

Enjoy!

Thursday, February 16, 2012

An Elephant NEVER Forgets...

"An Elephant NEVER Forgets".

This is another one of those Great American Phrases that we've all heard, but no one really knows where it came from...or what it really means.

Alas Poor Mitt...we knew YE well. And sadly, YOU were the one about to teach us where THAT PHRASE (you know...the one about the Wisdom of the Pachyderm) has its origin.

An Elephant NEVER Forgets...refers to thr fact that over decades...these amazing creatures will follow the same path...from birth to death.

They can be removed from their birth surroundings...and return years later...and if they had made "the trek" with their immediate family...to the place they go to drink, sleep or most assuredly, DIE...they will KNOW the path from wherever you return them TO...to the place where they, or their fellow elephants need to go, in order to accomplish whatever task is presently at hand...no matter how much time has passed between "then"...and "now".

Ouch...

Forgive me for that verbalization of my pain. I would say that I've done that a few times since my accident...which is true. But...the truth in this case is...I was just thinking about since Donkeys can't remember their own name...let alone "how to get to Carnegie Hall"...or what really IS the secret to Sugar Frosted Flakes"...Mitt Romney just might want to re-think which political party he might really wants to affiliate with.

A lot can happen in any two week period in life. Take for example...an hypothetical two week period between two pretty low level republican presidential primary contests in the year 2012.

The world could FORGET...that Mitt Romney didn't win another Caucus that somebody told the world he DID win. And...just like those numbers for unemployment, housing starts, and, GDP...no one REALLY notices when they get adjusted down months after the fact. The BOGUS numbers are front page. The administration who put them out (regardless of Party) gets whatever bounce it needed in some poll...or in the markets. And, then...when the real numbers show up on Page 83 next to the $1 Off Coupon on a bag of ASPHALT...

...No one will read it. No one will care.

Now THIS is where the Chris Christies of the world came up with the phase, "FO---GET about it!"

But...an elephant never forgets...or Fo--gets, either.

And, even though during that two week period we referenced earlier...the news of Romney not winning Maine...will not really be news...there will be plenty of "other things" that a dying elephant will be able to remember...that at least one elephant wishes the others would forget.

The next two republican primaries were, for about the 17th time during this primary season...supposed to re-establish Mitt Romney as inevitable, electable, de-lightful, de-lovely, thrifty, brave, clean AND reverent. And, with any luck, Fernando Lamas would begin appearing at Romney Rallies to tell Mitt, You look...MARVELOUS!"

But...those DAMNED elephants!

It turns out...not only do they not "forget"...but, they're a little strict on the whole "spare the rod and spoil the candidate thing," too.

Which puts Mitt in the worst of all possible worlds.

Don't get me wrong. There are any number of reasons why I said from the start that Mitt had NO SHOT at becoming the nominee. In fact...one night when a republican friend ASSURED ME I was "on CRACK" for doubting the Romney inevitability...I remember saying, "Oh yeah...I'll bet you TEN THOUSAND DOLLARS! You wanna BET?"

He said he wasn't a betting man, couldn't remember which other agency he was going to dismantle...I didn't really have the money...and, I was already too busy firing people, paying my illegal gardner, managing my Swiss bank accounts, securing endorsements from witches...AND, being reminded about my commitment to sticking a fork in the...auto...industry, two weeks before the, Michigan...

"I said WHAT?"

"WAS I...ON, CRACK?"

"YEAH...THAT'S IT. I was on crack. We'll bury the story on Page 83, next to the Asphalt coupon and the real unemployment numbers...and no one will even remember that I told the entire auto industry  to scratch my ass."

Yes Sir, Mr. Inevitable, Sir...But, there's just one little problem.

"You're referring to..."

Yes, Sir...

"THOSE GOSH DAMNED ELEPHANTS! WHAT IS THEIR PROBLEM?"

Let me inject myself back into the story long enough to say that "THEIR PROBLEM" is the 1) They never Forget, and B) The closer they get...the more you look like a jackass.

And, if we need a spiritual reference, we could add the one about the Prophet being respected everywhere, except in his hometown...yada, yada, yada.

Which...oh by the way...Michiganders were also supposed to remember (in this two week period)...that Mitt's dad was the Chris Christie of Lansing, back in the late 1800's...before any of them were born...Mitt launched his 2008 campaign for President at a rally at a car museum in Michigan...AND...at least for  purposes of THE MICHIGAN PRIMARY...all of that qualified Romney as the Favorite Son Candidate" in ALL 54 States, Districts & Territories which will hold nominating events.

But alas...Mitt showed up to the dance in Michigan...and the Elephants were there to great him.

He was greeted by more hecklers, more glitter-bombs, and worse yet...people who wanted to know why in God's name they should vote for HIM...when HE was the guy... Who said that if HE were President...his position would be that the auto industry should have been allowed to fail.

Ruh-roh.

Yes...we have ALL been half-way into a sentence, at some time in our life..and BEFORE THE NEXT NATURAL AUDIBLE PAUSE...we had already made a mental note, betting OURSELVES $10,000...that THIS ONE is gonna come back to bite us in the ass someday.

And, thanks to your Elephant Friends...That day, Mr. Inevitable...

...is only a couple of days away.

The worst of even Big Pharmaceutically enhanced nightmares for this band of your dying Elephant Brothers...is upon you.

Mitt is OFFICIALLY..."Toast".

Maine will be reversed. And, by the time ballot ONE is cast in Arizona...Tricky Rick will have been "declared" by CNN...the Winner in Michigan...even before the polls close.

Arizona will be the final nail in Romney's Inevitable Political Coffin...and that ARMY of high-powered early endorsers will be removing all references to those endorsements from their respective Wiki & Facebook Pages, sanitizing their Tweets...and spanning the globe in search of a new candidate...to help them get through, the agony of defeat.

Because as crazy as it was to think that Mitt Romney was ever going to be able to put together a coalition of the "Willing to Settle" on the Pretty Face Candidate...

NONE of the Elephants can even COUNT HIGH ENOUGH (in negative numbers, of course) to calculate the size of the loss which would be contained in the unmerciful BEAT DOWN which Santorum would get from The President.

Romney's campaign has set the republican party back by only 4 years.

A SANTORUM NOMINATION...would START at setting the Party back to Barry Goldwater...then make both Herbie Hoover...and (with no disrespect to that octogenarian hottie, Nancy Kassebaum)...even Alf Landon, look like a good choice.

So, what happens in two weeks when Mitt is forced out?

You won't believe me...You never do...but...even before the new GROUP of candidates emerges, (we'll talk about them later...) The Fat Lizard will make one last case for himself...the Romney vote will divvy up...and Santorum will...if even for just a fleeting moment...think that those same Elephants that kacked The Mighty Mitt...had COMPLETELY LOST both their mind AND their memory.

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Wednesday, February 15, 2012

"Caucus Interruptus - Part Douche"...And Other Stories

Just when you thought it was safe to go back into a republican presidential caucus, (Cue "The Music"...).

Oh, come on! You thought for a single MINUTE that the Maine Caucuses were on the up and up and that Mitt Romney actually won?

Let's recap...fo' jes' a li'l minute here.

The First in the Nation Caucus, in Iowa...took weeks to actually count, had two different winners...and ended up costing a whole mess of Iowa republican party officials, their jobs.

Why...did this happen?

Well...for anyone who wasn't able to pick up on the whole "THE REAL REPUBLICAN PARTY (The RNC) WANTED ROMNEY FROM THE START..."

THAT should have been made abundantly clear when THE GUY WITH THE EVANGELICAL ENDORSEMENT DIDN'T WIN IOWA FOR THE FIRST TIME IN...FOREVER!

Fast forward to Nevada. Un-GODLY amounts of time are taken to count votes...with even less of an explanation...and again, it appears that the sole beneficiary of both confusion AND delay...is the only guy in the room sporting the Magic Underwear. More party officials quit, and Mitt gets another breather.

NOW...Mitt is on the ropes, wobbly, and is by even the notion of STRONG Romney supporters...ONE LOSS TO RON PAUL away from 1) NOW HAVING LOST TO EVERY CANDIDATE, and 2) Being issued the Secret Service Code Name, "TOAST".

SO...what happens in Maine?

ON CAUCUS DAY...The Washington County Caucus is CANCELLED, BECAUSE IT MIGHT SNOW...IN MAINE...IN FEBRUARY. As it was pointed out, 3-4 inches were called for...NO MEASURABLE SNOW WAS RECEIVED...and in fact, THE GIRL SCOUTS HELD AN EVENT, ON THE SAME DAY...which was NOT cancelled...and which did not require ANY portion of Washington County to be shoveled, plowed, OR DECLARED TO BE A FEDERAL DISASTER AREA.

But wait...there's more!

The Maine Republican Party Chairman, ON NATIONAL TELEVISION...told the world that THE ONLY VOTES NOT COUNTED...were the ones from Washington County...and that ON A GREAT DAY, "they don't get 300 people"...and that since the votes would be divided up between all of the candidates...THE OUTCOME COULD NOT BE ALTERED BY NOT COUNTING THOSE VOTES.

Forget for the moment that even the Party Chairman acknowledged that Washington County "PROBABLY WAS" a Ron Paul County. How about we address the issue of the claim that the Washington County votes being, "THE ONLY VOTES WHICH WEREN'T COUNTED".

Thanks to the MOST MAGNIFICENT people at the Bangor Daily News...who put out a County by County, Precinct by Precinct chart of votes that were counted and locations which were recorded as having "0" votes cast...we can NOW say with absolute certainty...that Washington County was recorded as having no votes cast. All or substantial parts of FOUR OTHER COUNTIES show only a "0" being reported...AND, anywhere from 10% to 33% of two additional counties also reported only a "0" on their tally sheets.


And, of course...NOW...AFTER FURTHER REVIEW...it is quite clear that FAR MORE THAN JUST Washington County is UNACCOUNTED FOR on the tally sheets.


What is ALSO CLEAR at this point, is that MITT ROMNEY PROBABLY DID NOT WIN THE MAINE CAUCUS.

Just like he didn't win the Iowa Caucus...and JUST AS the RNC has conspired with Romney and his staff to STOP THE BLEEDING each and every time "THE CHOSEN" has stumbled... Here, too...MITT SHOWED UP, UNEXPECTED  AND OFF-SCHEDULE...ON CAUCUS DAY, shook a few hands, met with the powers that be...AND A DEFINITIVE ANNOUNCEMENT PROCLAIMING ROMNEY's "WIN"...was made, this time, before anyone even had time to actually MANUALLY COUNT THE VOTES...since machine tallying of these votes was not physically possible.

BEFORE MAINE...we asked the question, "How many more DOCUMENTED EXAMPLES of INTERNAL, ONE PARTY ORCHESTRATED BY PARTY OFFICIALS...VOTER FRAUD...MUST THERE BE, BEFORE NO CANDIDATE can either legitimately OR LAWFULLY lay claim to the "nomination"?

Now...you have ANOTHER State Party Chair who will undoubtedly be forced to resign his position.


Why?


Because People IN WASHINGTON, DC..WHO MITT ROMNEY TRIES EVERY DAY TO SEPARATE HIMSELF FROM...decided BEFORE THE VERY FIRST VOTE WAS CAST...that come Hell, High Water, OR A LEGITIMATE COUNT...Mitt of the Magic Underwear WAS THEIR GUY!

(...and yours, too. Whether you wanted him, or not!)

I know it's really unnecessary, BUT...let's just take a quick look at how the Maine result eliminates ALL DOUBT as to who is pulling what strings, and why not only Ron Paul, but even Jon Huntsman and Buddy Roemer should be able to get this in front of a Federal Grand Jury...YESTERDAY!

Forget the snow that didn't snow, and the Girl Scout event that wasn't called off.

Just look at the other counties which had zeros recorded either in individual precincts, or across the board.

HOW could the State Party Chair, put himself in a position where he was not aware of where events had or had not been held?

Texas...has 254 Counties...and over 5000 Precincts. And, since Rick W. Perry can't count TO THREE...if the State Party Chair in TEXAS were to stand up at the end of a Caucus Day and indicate that he had no final tally...and that it could be days before a manual count was completed...well...you could kinda buy into that.

In Kansas...where they DO have Caucuses IN 104 COUNTIES...you could also accept a State Party Chair coming out minutes after a count was undertaken...and not become incensed by being told that he or she would get back to you TUESDAY.

MAINE...HAS SIXTEEN COUNTIES IN THE ENTIRE STATE! Perhaps we could wait to count these unrecorded votes UNTIL NEXT YEAR...when the count could be conducted in THE NEW "WILLARD M. ROMNEY" POLITICAL STUDIES CENTER ON THE CAMPUS OF THE BRIGHAM YOUNG UNIVERSITY - BANGOR, MAINE CAMPUS?

For God's Sake, Mitt. You don't have to be a conspiracy theorist to connect dots that only you can see. You just have to be a two year old with a crayon...and a freshly painted wall.

And, I have one more question for Mitt...AND for Andrew the A-Hole Breitbart, and any other "DOUCHE" who CAN'T WAIT to point out incidents of voter fraud WHEN THEY INVOLVE BLACK ACTIVISTS IN PHILADELPHIA OR CHICAGO.

Why IS it...that when a person, or persons stand a bit too close to the entrance or exit of a polling place...and someone else "FEELS" intimidated into casting their vote a certain way...THAT IS VOTER FRAUD...


BUT...


WHEN WASHINGTON POLITICAL THUGS, COMBINE WITH THE CAMPAIGN STAFF OF THE CANDIDATE THEY HAVE PRE-SELECTED...AND THEN THOSE GROUPS FURTHER CONSPIRE WITH STATE PARTY OFFICIALS...AND THEIR STAFFS...FROM AT THE VERY LEAST, A FULL TWENTY-FIVE PERCENT OF STATES CONDUCTING NOMINATING EVENTS THUS FAR...


...and do so in such a way as to establish that IT DOESN'T MATTER WHETHER YOU FELT INTIMIDATED TO VOTE OR NOT VOTE A CERTAIN WAY...


...BECAUSE YOUR VOTE DIDN'T COUNT, ANYWAY...


...that according to Andrew Breitdouche and others...THAT'S JUST THE WAY THE GAME IS PLAYED?

Honestly, my Friends...I really do have to ask myself more and more theses days. How much MORE will those in power AT BOTH PARTIES feel that they are not only entitled to do...but will be WILLING to do, because "that's the way the game is played?" And...at what point will either unemployed people living in tents..or far more organized people with more malevolent intentions embark on a REAL path that changes THE GAME being played? The Arab Spring is only The Arab Spring...because governments conducted themselves in ways which thoroughly eliminated any and all ongoing legitimacy. NO ONE...NOT A PART OF THE SMALL GROUP OF PEOPLE WHO MADE ALL OF THE CRITICAL DECISIONS IN THOSE COUNTRIES...COULD HAVE ANY CONFIDENCE...THAT ANY OF THOSE DECISIONS WERE BEING MADE FOR THE BENEFIT OF THE PEOPLE WHICH EVERY GOVERNMENT HAS AN ABSOLUTE DUTY TO SERVE.

Even those nations who "liberated themselves" from their dictators, whether peacefully, or otherwise...now struggle daily, to find a system of solutions which might re-establish the legitimacy of those new governments in the eyes of their people.

AND, IN ANY ONE OF THOSE NEW NATIONS...IF THE PEOPLE FELT THAT THEY WOULD ONLY BE GIVEN AN OPPORTUNITY TO VOTE FOR SOMEONE THAT HAD BEEN PRE-SELECTED BY A GROUP OF POLITICAL THUGS, SEATED AROUND A HUGE CONFERENCE TABLE...IN A LAW OFFICE ON THE EQUIVALENT OF "K" STREET...and that no matter what...minions put in place by those thugs, from coast to coast and at all points in between, would operate WITH IMPUNITY and in support of this unconstitutional, immoral, illegal, unethical, and in every way UN-FREAKING-CONSCIONABLE brand of treasonous undertakings...

The United States of America would be THE FIRST nation lobbing cruise missiles either down a chimney or up someone's tailpipe...and justifying it all in the name of "freedom"...and the extension of "our way of life".

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Tuesday, February 14, 2012

You Know It's A Bad Year When...

You inadvertently reveal those thoughts you occasionally have about your wife's sister, her best girl friend, and sheep...all of which you  KNOW will never REALLY be taken in PROPER context...OR...

Your political party of choice contemplates gang-raping ITSELF... by nominating Rick Santorum as its "STANDARD BEARER".

Seriously folks...and not for nothin'...but if you, or someone on your behalf, decides that Rick Ahmadinejad Santorum...and "STANDARD" should ever appear in the same HEMISPHERE...let alone the same  SENTENCE...of a NOMINATING SPEECH...well, let's just say that not only do you have some pretty  allantoid standards, but...

You might just as well nominate  Jerry Sandusky's evil twin brother...because at LEAST...HE'S already changed his name...and Googling him won't reveal quotes about "man on dog sex"...or the suggestion that gay marriage is a prelude to falling b in love with, "INANIMATE OBJECTS...SUCH AS THE EIFFEL TOWER"!

I honestly did have a lot of fun...PRETENDING to want republicans to nominate Tricky Rick Sanitarium.

I wrote really clever pieces about Ricky...and his wife who slept with the Doctor WHO HAD PREVIOUSLY DELIVERED HER...FOR EIGHT YEARS...UNTIL HE WAS A HUNDRED YEARS OLD (almost)...and up until a couple OF DAYS before she started "taking up with" The Trickster, himself.

I at least IMPLIED that there was something JUST A LITTLE BIT AS UN-NATURAL about THAT, as there was about PARADING YOUR DYING DAUGHTER OUT AS A CAMPAIGN TACTIC...even AFTER you did an interview where you said your first inclination WAS TO HATE YOUR DYING DAUGHTER...SO HER EVENTUAL DEATH WOULDN'T "BOTHER YOU AS MUCH".

But, honestly...my AMERICAN brothers and sisters OF THE REPUBLICAN PERSUASION...

...I NEVER HONESTLY WANTED YOU TO ACTUALLY NOMINATE THIS LOON.

Ya see...because even though it basically INSURES that the President will be OVERWHELMINGLY re-elected, by a majority which fails ONLY to include those states where CONSANGUINITY IS NOT A BAR TO MARRIAGE...EVEN AT THE FIRST DEGREE.

(Translation: Those States where you can...and are still encouraged to marry your own twin sister...OR brother.)

For, as much as I am concluding that Mr. Obama may be the lesser of at least THOSE twi "evils"...

The downside of the equation is...running against a total religious zealot/not even borderline sociopath such as Ricky Ahmadinejad...gives The President ABSOLUTELY NO INCENTIVE to make his own positions ANY MORE "PROGRESSIVE" than they already ARE NOT!

Running against Rick Santorum...I mean...Obama might as well be running against Pope Urban, II...who launched the First Crusade...IN THE YEAR 1088!

Could you GIVE the world's OTHER RELIGIOUS INTOLERANTS...ANY MORE REASON TO WANT TO KILL YOU?

But, as I said...and even worse...you give Mr. Obama absolutely NO REASON to be reasonable, either.

In that election, Obama wins WITHOUT the Progressive Wing of the Party...and most assuredly, without the ULTRA PROGRESSIVE portion of the nation...who can't even comfortably self-identify with the Democratic Party of Barack Obama anymore.

(Translation: Me!)

And...if he doesn't need my vote...in order to secure his re-election...

Mr. Obama is gonna make EVEN less of an effort to locate the mythical center off the political ideological spectrum...than he has done during the first three years of his Presidency.

And, under those circumstances...it isn't just some psychotic bastard whose own sexual insecurities about himself, and wondering why his hot young wife would be sleeping with her grandfather ONLY YESTERDAY...can be conveniently hidden beneath a 1700's fashionable sweatet vest.

In that case...We ALL lose.

In fact...the only way Obama runs to the left...not that he would ever actually BE LEFT-LEANING...

But, the only way he would feel the need to RUN LEFT, and at least LIE TO ME about all of the wonderful stuff that Jesus WOULD do...but Barack wouldn't...would be IF HE RAN AGAINST A MODERATE...

...such as The Mighty Mittster.

So...while you might THINK, that The Santorum Psychosis...which has temporarily blinded the republican party...so much so that a bonafide psycotic (not just a batshit crazy) is now polling atop the party, nationally...might excite me to the of going out to buy a brand new pair of "Sheep Boots" myself...in complete honesty...all it really does is make me want to find our exactly where James Cameron has already decided he will be relocating to...and take up temporary residence...

...in an ovetsized trunk.

God Bless us...one and all.

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Monday, February 13, 2012

More Than The Numbers Don't Add Up...

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Once again, I admit...I'm not the smartest guy in the world.

I don't always "get" everything some people say, no matter how intent I might listen.

I always presume that I'm the source of any confusion...whether I'm giving directions to Knotts Berry Farm; or taking in the Cliff's Notes version of my wacky brother's Doctoral Dissertation on..."The Meaning of Life".

Then...I see, hear or read something from Sarah Palin.

Almost immediately, I feel like I should pen an award-winning essay on the benefits of public education. I then become completely convinced that I could deliver the keynote address on the topic of Relativity, at the Annual Einstein Convention...taking questions, as well.

And of course, during  the time I'm caused to endure ANY Palin Commentary...I'm finally able to explain the existence of the "Frog in the Blender" look I'm wearing...and KNOW that if she talks for more than another ten minutes...I WILL figure out how to close the door of the microwave...WITH my head inside, and at least one hand free to hit "Start".

So...don't hate Sarah Palin. She actually does inspire some of us, and really CAN bring out the best in you.

Having said that...what the Hell happened to The Former Mrs. Almost Glen Rice...between Saturday Night and Sunday Morning?

Ya see...On Saturday, the C-POOPER PACKERS, bypassed every noted conservative who hadn't been deprived of oxygen at birth in favor of hiring the handicapped and having Sarah "Jungle Fever" Palin deliver the organization's Keynote Address to close their 3-Day Symposium on "Hated, Horror & Hostility".

And, on that night..."Party Girl" said that Mitt was a great candidate, who had plenty of time to get his message across and explain the path he had taken to arrive at "Conservativism". 

Moments later the Leader of the Wing Nut Wing of the republican party announced that as between a guy who bombs Iran every night in his dreams, a guy who wants to govern the nation using only THE CONSTITUTION as the basis for all action, a guy who stated that gay marriage leads to "MAN ON DOG SEX...and the guy who wrote the blueprint for the Obama Healthcare Plan...that he and his Wing Nuts were going to hitch their Winnebago full of Bullshit to Mitt's Magical Mystery Tour Bandwagon...seemingly WITH the at least tacit endorsement of the NBA's Favorite MILF.

Then...it was Sunday morning. And, it didn't take more than about a half dozen words and twenty-seven seconds for me to be reminded why the American Psychiatric Association BEGGED President Obama to order Seal Team 6 to make unannounced visits to the homes of anyone who ever attended an event on the Sarah Palin Traveling Rodeo, Pole Show & Greyhound Bus Tour.

NOW...ya see...the faithful wife of Todd "Don't Call Me Glen, Dude" Palin...was telling the  dedicated Faux News viewers that  THE GUY WHO WAS JUST ENDORSED BY THE CONSERVATIVE POLITICAL ACTION COMMITTEE...ISN'T A CONSERVATIVE AT ALL!

So much for her previous suggestion that Mitt had plenty of time to "esplain his-seff".

NOW...Sarah "70% Cocoa" Palin was referring to the President's healthcare plan as "O'Romneycare...and indicated that Mitt can't break the 30% approval number, nationwide...because, "WE AREN'T CONVINCED!"

At this point...I don't know who, or what to believe out of these republicans. Self-proclaimed "conservatives" endorse "The Massachusettes Moderate" who wears Magic Underwear, baptizes  Dead People & taught his kids that Jesus is NOT the Messiah and IS the Brother of Satan.

Iowa republican leaders put out bogus vote totals...to have Romney appear as their caucus winner, in support of ending the race before it begins. They then get outed...resign...and the win goes to Santorum.

Nevada republican officials are accused by at least two campaigns...of fudging vote totals in support of Romney, in order to stop the further swelling of Newt's Fat Head following a win in South Carolina and the infusion of new Shelly Money.

Nevada officials have yet to be outed, or resign...but hey...the campaign is still young. Just ask "Cocoa".

Maine republican officials CANCEL one of only 16 County Caucuses...ON THE DAY OF THE EVENT...IN A COUNTY EXPECTED TO GO STRONG FOR RON PAUL. Paul later loses by only 194 votes. Both Paul AND Santorum claim that numbers were fudged for Romney...with Santorum going so far as to OPENLY STATE THAT ROMNEY "BOUGHT THE ELECTION".

Maine officials have yet to eitherbe outed, or resign...BUT...at this point, I have one more question for "Precious Palin".

Since the longer this goes on...the more ENTIRE REPUBLICAN STATE ORGANIZATIONS ARE HAVING THEIR VERY LEGITIMACY CALLED INTO QUESTION...

...by other republicans...

...is it STILL "a good thing" that this  process continue "...all the way to Tampa"?

How many disgraced state party organizations resigning for committing fraud in support of a conservative who isn't a conservative, does it take to call the legitimacy of your entire nominating process into question?

How many candidates can Sarah and her "Coat of Many Colors" endorse, then not really endorse...then clarify herself by scorching the candidate she sort of endorsed...before people stop giving her money for things that come OUT of her mouth?

Why won't Newt give it up?

When WILL Ron Paul give both the wink AND the nod to the guys waiting to begin production of the "REAL" Ron Paul 2012 Campaign paraphernalia?

When will Chris Christy ACTUALLY, physically explode (or, not be allowed to travel by air OR land, for fear of tilting the earth's axis and triggering tsunami warnings from Red Bank to Wildwood Crest)?

Will Jeb formally indicate his willingness to be "drafted"...BEFORE the Convention? And, if so...how many more republican state committees being caught cheating for Romney will it take to get him into the race?

What the HELL are all of us going to do for the next two weeks while we wait for Arizona and Michigan republican party officials to attempt to get their stories straight IN ADVANCE of their respective state nominating events?

And lastly...WHY WON'T CNN LET BUDDY ROEMER DEBATE, NOW?

The network wants to use a 7% minimum support standard, NOW. Yet, they let Jon Huntsman participate IN EVERY DEBATE THEY CONDUCTED...when Huntsman was polling AT LESS THAN TWO PERCENT!

Like I said...a lot more than just the numbers...doesn't add up.

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Saturday, February 11, 2012

Strike Six, And You're Out...AGAIN!

Once perceived as an early frontrunner in the lsat Presidential election cycle...

On February 10, 2008...Mitt Romney's first entry into presidential politics came to an abrupt and agonizing end.

In 2012, Mitt Romney wasn't just "perceived" as the frontrunner, but  without "America's Mayor," or "The Senate's POW," or the Navy Hero who led the "The Hunt For Red October"...which we all know was the REAL straw that broke the Big Bear's back...Mighty Mitt reminded the nation that he was, IN FACT, "the Mor-Man with the Master Plan"...every day of the week.

And...on February 11, 2012; after expending more than $50 Million Dollars on media and another $50 Million to run his second two year effort...

No more than about 7,500 Mainers are all that stand between Romney making, history...or BEING history.

A mere 5,491 Maine republicans caucused in 2008. And, Mitt Romney was the choice of more than half of that number of participants.

Things are different this time around though...in more ways than one.

Sure...as in election cycles past, the previously defeated republican nominee for president, passed the baton to the person he had sufficiently thrashed during the previous cycle...and immediately endorsed the same person that only for years previous...had shot the Pope, kidnapped the Lindbergh Baby, attempted to disclose the secret formula used to make Coca Cola, bet on the major league baseball team he was playing and coaching for...AND...HAD ILLEGAL IMMIGRANTS CUTTING THEIR GRASS...and changing their children's Pampers.

This time, however...there was really no race, so to speak...at all.

Mitt wasn't just...that candidate with more money than the actual tax collected by 37 States. He was "The Answer".

It was all over...almost before it began. And, most certainly after he was able to win Iowa...without really even campaigning enough in The Hawkeye State to break a summer sweat.

Only he didn't win Iowa.

It was surely over once he cakewalked through New Hampshire. Who cared that he only lived there part of the year and was a governor across the same border? New Hampshire was ALL that Mr. Roboto needed to get the other 56 candidates out of the ketchup bottle...and have that sweet condiment all to himself. Having nailed down his first win, there were only 52 victorious left to declare before The President would throw in his own towel...probably before Labor Day.

But, then came losses in South Carolina, Minnesota, Missouri and Colorado. Even in Romney wins in Florida and Nevada...Willard Romney Reagan still hadn't won 50% of the vote in any one state. He couldn't win more than one-third of the total number of state contests.

And, by February 10th in THIS cycle...even his own endorsers were realizing they had made their moves too soon...and were hoping against hope, that Jeb Bush won't really punch anything more than their dance card in the event that there actually is a formal ball that they all get to attend.

Perhaps the most ironic, if not openly hilarious aspect of this year's mass waste of even more massive amounts of OTHER PEOPLE'S MONEY...is the fact that on the day that the sea was very angry, THIS TIME, my friend...Moby Dick was a little old man named Ron Paul...who I actually think ran against Mitt's Daddy about four decades ago.

Okay...the running against Magic Underwear, Sr., was a foray into creative license. However, you can rest assured and make no mistake about it...delegate count, or no delegate count...if 10 hours from now, Mitt hasn't secured 75% the suggested 7,500 or so caucus votes coming out of Maine...he likely will have secured an upcoming gig on that grand bastian of all things "TV"...hosted of course, by The Donald Chump.

As in the case of so many other 2012 circumstances, which Mitt felt were "in the bag"...Romney didn't even campaign in Maine until this week...and then not until actual caucusing was already underway.

Apparently no one told Mitt that unlike other states, there was enough interest in caucusing in the northern and western edges of Maine this year...that towns which hadn't held a caucus in TWELVE YEARS, were now back in the game.

They also didn't bother to tell him  that in THOSE neighborhoods...the game they were playing was being coached by Ron Paul.

Romney came into his perceived stronghold of Portland and held a nice rally in a comfy-cozy indoor facility where even warmer cider was served to Maine's 1%ers.

This was, of course, a week or so after a number reflecting about 20% of the total number of 2008 caucus goers...STOOD OUTSIDE IN SUB, FREEZING TEMPERATURES FOR HOURS, JUST TO HEAR  AN INSPIRATIONAL "GIVE 'EM HELL" SPEECH...from Moby Paul.

And, when Mitt finally did decide to come to Maine...why did the media suggest he needed to make the trek?

"To right his ship".

"To stop the bleeding".

"To regain his momentum".

But...he already did those things in New Hampshire...and Florida...and Nevada.

Didn't he?

How many frontrunners does it take to right the ship, stop the bleeding and regain their momentum EVERY OTHER WEEK during the course of a presidential election campaign?

In a word...

"None".

You can't win more than a third, of the contests. You can't earn half the votes of your own party.

The C-POOPER PACKERS met with you privately to tell you to stop slamming the NUMBER THREE guy in the national polls...JUST IN CASE!

And today...you could lose to a fictitious whale, who is old enough to be your father, who is more conservative even than you pretend to be (at leat fiscally), that makes more sense, is more open, honest and down to earth than you...and who nationally is now polling in about the same numbers as you vis-a-vi The President...

...and who could ultimately end your career as a republican electable to ANY OFFICE...

...by securing a mere 4 or 5000 caucus votes.

Make no mistake about it Mr. Frontrunner...by the end of the day, even if you win, YOUR message might still be mixed.  Conservatives may remain unsure as to what your message really is...

On the other hand...LOSE today to your imaginary nemesis...and the message TO YOU will be clear, concise, to the point...and unmistakably reminiscent of 4 years and a day ago.

"Get...OUT!"

As always...thank you for continuing to enjoy these postings. Please click an ad or two. It costs you nothing. Google can certainly afford it...and during my recovery after being hurt by a car...it will keep food in the dog dish and Advil in the medicine cabinet. Much...appreciated!

Friday, February 10, 2012

CPAC Assassin Attempts To Silence "Thoughts"

Once again, my own professional ethical code requires me to acknowledge that at this moment, I am unable to totally confirm an association between CPAC and the man who provided me with a legitimate near-death experience yesterday.

However, the absolute truth is that "Thoughts at 3 A. M" is posting close to 5 A.M. today, because I spent the last 12 hours in a hospital...after being struck by a speeding car in Santa Monica, California.

Since this event, which has the potential to require multiple surgeries, one-handed typing for quite some time, and took place within hours after linguistically neutering the entire CPOOP convention..I'm guessing when the authorities do find Mr. "Assault with Intent to Stifle" (at about 40 MPH)....there's at least a 1 in 4 chance that the Rat Bastard will be a Fat Lizard.

But enough about that, for now. Back to more reasons why on what was a pretty slow republican presidential primary news day, it should be even clearer that "The Three Faces of Abe" and The Great State of Texas have one thing in common.

Toast.

In fact, it was the word "Clear" which led me to at least one of the "mini topics" in today's slow day version of, "The Cornucopia".

Real Clear Politics is a great source for quality internet news on all national, state, and many local elections. They have an excellent crop of writers, an aesthetically pleasing layout...and more polls than a Chicago Sausage Festival.

This is why, when I read Sean Trende's piece on the "Path to a Brokered Convention" this morning, I thought...my God, I've been telling readers that THE EVENTUAL NOMINEE IS NOT IN THE RACE AS YET...for months.

In fact, if you look at many of the country's "Finer" political information disinformation factories over the past, oh...THREE DAYS, many have deduced that Tuesday's Triple Play by Rick Sanitarium, was both unpredictable...AND in and of itself forms the basis for this borderline psychotic notion that "Mr. Wonderful" hasn't left the building...

...He never made it into the Big Freakin' Tent in the first instance.

How many times do we have to mention "The Three Faces of Abe"...before the rest of the political world pays attention?

All the Real Clear Politics guys have to do is read their own polls.

Granted, RCP published a broad cross-section of polling data...as well as that crap that Rasmussen is ordered to manufacture to make any of daily Fox News Talking Points even appear to have meaning.

Their own compilation of national poll results for the current week include the well-respected Reuters-Ipsos Poll...showing the split of support for the remaining republican candidates to be Romney 29%, RON PAUL 21%, Newt Gingrich  19%, and Rick Santorum...whose three wins supposedly now made the Brokered Convention possible...18%.

You barely need more than fingers and toes to figure out that with the direction in which this race is headed:

1. Mitt has blown a Gingrich-sized hole in the wrong side of his Magic Underwear.

2. Ron Paul...despite being the lone voice of reason, rationality, and the constitutionalism which 100% of Team Confusion CLAIMS to be interested, in...is, still the same Ron Paul that all but the former "fringe element" had branded as "a Loooon" since the first time he ran for the nomination...back in 1932.

3. Newt Gingrich IS the Brother of Jesus which the Romney kids were all warned about by that High Priest of a Daddy of theirs. (Note: Mitt and Joseph Smith are convinced that the Brother of Jesus is...SATAN!)

4. Rick Santorum polls a DOUBLE DIGIT LOSER to Barack Obama (other than in yet another Rasmussen Fantasy)...even when the question posed included the suggestion that on the date of the election...The President is on Life Support, has already confessed he was born on the Fifth Ring of Saturn...and has secretly replaced Joe Biden with a cup of Folger's Crystals.

Need I say more?

Tomorrow...assuming Jeb hasn't already announced his candidacy...I'll finish this piece and get deeper into some of the "other things" that it just might take "the big kids" a little longer to figure...than the staff here at "Thoughts".

I do sincerely apologize for today's brevity. However...package up broken bones, contusions, abrasions, an arm that now looks more like Popeye's that his own...pharmaceuticals, prospective surgeries...and the need to complete my application for entry into witness protection...and, well...I hope you can understand.

In closing, as always, and especially today...THANK YOU for clicking ads. It is free and only takes a moment of your time. And NOW...in addition to keeping food in the dog dish..it might also keep me in splints, tape, and perhaps even very necessary pharmaceuticals.

Peace!