You really need to pardon me for just a second, Brian. I can't explain it, but since Guccifer pled guilty yesterday, to the two most lesser counts of his 9 Count Indictment, and I watched you attempt to fend off body blows, head shots and the odd punch in the dick, from that BEAST of a once mediocre journalist, WOLF BLITZER...I find myself stopping at random times throughout the day to...
There it goes again. YA SEE?
I mean, you guys have been laughing at Bernie and our supporters ALL ALONG. And, we've heard all the stories.
You win a primary, where you got hoards of minions to raid nursing homes in a state to collect absentee ballots from dementia patients.
You used your local support in virtually every major city in the country to sound the alarm with the same precinct captains and ward leaders, and mayors, and councilmen, and aldermen, and congressmen, and senators, and governors...all of whom know and use every trick in the electronic voting machine book to routinely cheat their way back into offices that no one in those cities will ever remove them from.
You use every tried and true method of stealing elections. AND, on top of that...you felt the need, not only to waltz a now obvious Stage 4 Syphillitic former president, through as many polling locations as you possibly could, during actual elections, in violation of rule after rule and law after law...and, you did this all with the impunity displayed by Kim Jung Un, showing up an hour late for his appointment at his local Sport Clips, in Pyongyang.
I'm not guessing the local constabulary gave Un too much shit that day, either.
But, back to you, "Bri"..you complete and total Piece of Shit...
Oh, forgive me, Mr. Fallon. But, you know...like I said...here we are, better than three-quarters of the way into a campaign where your peeps have openly mocked our people. You've presented yourself and shared the so-called and self-proclaimed spotlight with Joel Benenson, where you have collectively DECLARED yourselves to be in possession and rightfully entitled to EVERY SQUARE INCH of the "Moral High Ground"...all while not being able to contain yourselves privately...after stealing those primary elections...only to be caught on tape praising each other for "KICKING BERNIE SANDERS ASS" and high fiving each other, while you laugh and scream, "FUCK BERNIE" at levels that even send California Coyotes over the edge.
Damn...I have to see a doctor about that.
Lord knows, the last thing I want to have happen in my life, NOW, is to give some insignificant, utterly worthless, lacking in all discernible talent, piece of shit, wasted flesh, fucknuckle...such as yourself...a reason to think that I was not necessarily giving you a fair assessment.
So, Bri...How exactly does it feel to have a Gnome, masquerading as a journalist, slap his dick across your face 40 or 50 times, before sticking it your ear?
I only ask, because I have absolutely no idea. Oh, and, of course, because I've always considered myself something of an "Academic Sponge"...Thirsty for all forms of knowledge. And, I was just hoping to add THAT piece of information, to my arsenal...primarily, so I will again be able to understand your personal dilemma on the day that Mrs. Clinton is forced to announce that in light the stroke she suffered after her own 15 Count Indictment was unsealed...that she will be placed on the Physically Unable to Perform List, or "PUP" list...and that all of you cheesy bastards who fostered this fraud for as long you have...will likewise be slinking silently into political and societal oblivion...at which point, "that sound" you hear, will be the sound of every Bernie Sanders Supporter that you have so openly mocked...collectively belting out one final 4-Part Harmony version of...c'mon...sing it with me, you little bitch...
I chose YOU, to write to, today, Bri...because in my three decades in politics, I have to tell you...I've seen some "smug motherfuckers". But, you...my asshole buddy...take the motherfucking cake.
It boggled even my nonsensical, and occasionally warped mind, that you could do the things you know you did...say the things we all heard you say...and THEN...sit or stand in front of numerous cameras BARKING PSYCHOTICALLY AT SANDERS SUPPORTERS who wouldn't grease up and get in line for Round 2 of "the fucking" that you openly proclaimed you had given to us all, during this campaign.
Yes, Bri...I watched as AN OLD MAN, with ABSOLUTELY NO JOURNALISTIC INTEGRITY OR CREDIBILITY...
SHRED YOU LIKE A FUCKING CHINESE-MADE TRUMP TIE THAT GOT CAUGHT IN A $29 WALMART PAPER SHREDDER.
For the first time in this campaign...you were the fucking rat in the box, THAT YOU ARE...and this time, you had nowhere to go, no bullshit to get you out of the death spiral that you were in...and even Old Man Blitzer...who has fed you softballs for a year now, was having absolutely NONE of your bullshit.
Ya see, Bri... Those of us who know you, and your background, and your history, well...ya see...it's not that we're bad people. We really don't want to see you die in a fiery car crash, or...choke on a chicken bone until your fucking face turns as blue as Bill Clinton's balls are going to be when no one wants to fuck him during his soon to be powerless and virtually impotent state. I mean...we don't seriously desire that some moderately disfiguring accident, prevent you from continuing to further your career as a "PROFESSIONAL BULLSHIT ARTIST".
Well...not ME, anyway.
Though, I must inform you, Bri...
You done pissed off a few Bernie Peeps that aren't as understanding, compassionate, or forward thinking, as yours truly.
But...back to your, shall we say, "Come Uppance" at the hands of "Da Vooolf".
I guess you didn't think that Wolf would have actually READ the Inspector General's Report before the interview. And, why would you? He never read anything else that you had previously blathered about. He was NEVER in a position to challenge you ON ANYTHING. I mean, what the Hell was he thinking? Actually READING something that he knew you were going to be feeding him quantum bullshit, regarding?
But...Bri...even if you had advance warning of Blitzer's LOWDOWN tactic of actually READING the report...
You could NOT have predicted that he would have SCREEN OVERLAYS...OF EXACTLY THE SHIT THAT YOU WERE GOING TO LIE ABOUT...IN ADVANCE OF YOUR LIES.
WHEW...Remind me never to be a White House Press Corps After-Dinner Comedian, and piss off the entire CNN on-air staff.
Tough luck for YOU, Bri...to run into THAT FUCKING BUZZ SAW.
To bring everything full circle. Most folks don't know, that you started out your career, such as being a "COMPENSATED FUCKING LIAR" has become a career. I bet you can't lift your grandfather's hammer either, can you, you little bitch? It's okay...you'll still change the world.
Damn! There really is a part of me that feels bad about doing that. A small part, I admit. You could say it's a part that would probably dwarf the collective penis of you, Joel and the former president...but, you know, not quite as sizable as your boss's ball sack. Just to put things in proper perspective.
So...as I was saying, Bri...most folks at least on the Bernie side of this equation, didn't know you, and had no idea that you've been lying your little bitch ass off for almost two decades. They saw you as this little chicken shit, dude, who always managed to squirm out of every fact, and pull borderline unbelievable and totally incredulous bullshit stories RIGHT OUT OF THIN AIR, and to do so with the relative ease of an entire college fraternity having its way with a woman who was already passed out on the living room floor.
You remember your college days at the Ima Fulla Shit House...Don't ya, Bri???
But, here you were...
Doing your best to channel your time as spokesliar to first, Chuck Schumer, and later Eric Holder...
Praying that when you stopped talking THIS time, you wouldn't hear Wolf say, "Put up that part of the report that lets me shove my fist just a little farther up this little fucker's ass"...
But...That never happened. Did it, Bri?
You took things, in places, and depths, from Wolf...that Mr. Blitzer has been saving up TO GIVE TO SOMEBODY...for a loooooooooooooooooooooooong time.
And, frankly, Bri...All I can say to you...from at least a few of us is...
It couldn't have happened to a more deserving box of camel shit, than it did in this instance. I wanted to feel so bad for you. But, then...I remembered that after Super Tuesday, you were seen ON FUCKING TAPE, laughing, leaping like a fucking douche, bad-mouthing Bernie, and the rest of us and saying things like, "BRING YOUR ASSES OVER HERE"...so that you could "KICK IT...ONE MORE TIME"!
Thank you, for saying that, Bri. I really mean that. Thank you you for being the low-life pussy that you are, and have always been. It so helped me get thru your ordeal with Wolf Blitzer, without feeling the need to enter into any therapy, or otherwise suggest that anger management might be in order, because you see... This isn't anger AT ALL... It's just me, and the rest of us high fiving YOUR MOTHERFUCKING KARMA, BITCH.
Get used to Blitzer's fist in your ass, Fool. You took a check, from a career criminal, to not only attempt to publicly validate her bullshit, on a daily basis...
You also got on board a bus that you KNEW before you started, was going to break every fucking rule of the road, on every trip it took, all while giving the finger to anyone that even thought about getting in its way.
The hacker pled guilty.
The Inspector General stuck a pretty sizable report up your ass.
INDICTMENTS ARE COMING.
And, motherfucker...THE WORLD GETS TO WATCH YOU...JOEL...AND THE SHILL, LOSE MINUTES OFF YOUR LIFE, EVERY TIME THE LITTLE RED LIGHT COMES ON.
Oh yeah...and ONE OTHER THING...
How soon after you announce Hillary's withdrawal from the race, will you UNITE BLUE, AND GET IN FUCKING LINE?
Feel the Bern, Bitch.