Monday, May 30, 2016

My Bernie Experience I'll Never Forget...

I originally wanted to begin today's posting with one of those things that usually goes unnoticed, or at least isn't ordinarily given its due.

I intended to follow up the "feel good" portion of the day's events with a hard and then harder hitting piece.

After writing the part where I get to meet one of the coolest old ladies in the world...I decided to save the hard hitting stuff for a BONUS POSTING, later today.

So...enjoy this. And, come back tonight for some major smack, aimed at one or more of my favorite targets...

Yesterday was Memorial Day. As a kid, I remember turning myself, my bike or our family dog into freak show participants by wrapping red, white and blue crepe paper so tightly around all of them, that even the makers of my Schwinn were begging God to "make it stop".

Today, while courting prospective Bernie supporters at a local Memorial Day celebration, I was approached by a woman who, if she was 85, she was 105. I'm sure at some time in her life, she was 5'10", looked incredible in 4 inch heels, and probably was that girl that even her own mother warned her brothers about.

Now however, she was about 4'10", had difficulty negotiating the cement sidewalk in orthopedic tennis shoes...and, probably hadn't had a sexual notion in 20 years that didn't involve first making sure that her Depends weren't going to spoil the moment.

But, for ten or twenty seconds on this day, she was every bit of her old self that no doubt owned the same street we were walking down, as recently as 1966.

Now, I'm not too hard to recognize, and even harder to erase from memory... Put a bright blue, "FEEL THE BERN" baseball cap on me and, well... most people don't have any trouble figuring out that I'm the guy to ask all of your burning Bernie questions.

So... when  Elaine strolled, okay mosied  at best...alright, waddled in my direction....I was already lining up my top 5 answers to why she should switch her vote from Hillary to Bernie, while promising not to make any references to "Weebles".

All of my best preparation went right out the window though, when before I could even say hello... Elaine threw her arms around me as though I was the last Milk of Magnesia Dealer in town.

She held me as tight as any woman ever has, and for at least 15 or 20 seconds...made me wish I was 100, too.

When she broke the hug, there were tears in her eyes, and more rolling down her face...

"You're the Bernie Guy," she said. I pointed to my hat to avoid trying to talk, because I was ready to cry too, and has no idea why.

"You tell Bernie Sanders that I am ON FIRE", she said, as literally her entire little body shook.

"You mean you're Feeling' the Bern," I replied?

"Didn't you hear me, Son? I said I AM ON FIRE," she said again. "I haven't voted in FIFTY YEARS, and if this is the last vote God let's me cast... that vote is going for Bernie Sanders! You TELL HIM THAT!"

I did promise to tell Bernie that Elaine was "ON FIRE". And, as she started to make the slow trek across the narrow street to what was obviously her house, I called out to her and asked what Bernie had done to "start her fire"?

And, as Elaine stood at her open front door...this wonderful little woman screamed loud enough for THE ENTIRE TOWN to hear...

"HE GAVE A SHIT!"

Almost immediately, all of my own tears returned to my bladder. And, I was doubled over, wishing Elaine had spotted me a pair of her "go anywhere" undies.

The two guys with me, and I, just looked at each other, laughed even harder, and agreed that the next time ANYONE asks us why they should vote for Bernie, the answer WILL BE...

"BECAUSE HE GIVES A SHIT!"

Thank you, Elaine. And, let's hope God "let's you vote for Bernie" until at least November of 2020.

Don't forget the BONUS POSTING I promised tonight.

Billy V.

"Bernie 2016... BECAUSE HE GIVES A SHIT!"

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